Growing Up

This post is going to be long but possibly enlightening to some of you - just a warning to you all.

When I was little, I was a "latch-key kid" (meaning my parents worked all day, and I had to stay home alone until 8pm when they'd return home). I wasn't given a lot of affection in terms of quality time and TLC, but the way my parents did show me love was through their wallets. Anything I wanted, I could have (as long as I got straight A's in school). Most children gain their first concept of love through the love of their parents, and to me, love consisted of gifts and going out to fancy restaurants.

The fact that money equals love and affection stuck with me through my childhood and into my late teens. Cliche romantic gestures like flowers and candy on a first date seemed natural to me, as did 5 star restaurants and the receiving of little gifts. I wasn't in a bubble; it's what I saw at home, on television and movies, with my sisters and their b/fs, and out in the rest of the world. I never thought of it like this back then, but I was very materialistic when it came to how I saw love.

I first met Chris about a year and 9 months ago (when I was 19 y/o), and we started dating awhile after that. We used to go dutch all the time - even on our first date. For me, that was a big thing - I was so used to having the guy pay for everything. For me, paying for dinner was a sign that you were interested or had affections for me. We did the same with movie tickets and we each paid for our own gas.

I was sooooooo not used to this. For a long time, I wondered if he even cared for me, or if he was just using me to have sex with. I was often upset at the fact that I felt forced to pay for myself and that I didn't receive the customary gifts (like flowers) or had to pay for my own gas when we would go driving around in my car. I was so blinded by all of this that I failed to see the other things he did to show he cared for me.

When I look back at it, I must have missed so much that he did to show me he cared. It's like missing all the scenery when you're in a rush to get somewhere. In a very real sense, "I didn't know what I was missing" because I didn't even care if it was going on. I was looking for something specific, and when you're scouting for something far away, you very rarely see what's right in front of you.

Slowly, things began to change between us. I started to get the little gifts and the flowers (the first rose he gave me is pressed into a frame and hangs on the wall opposite my bed) and being taken out to fancy restaurants - but only because I expressed unhappiness and Chris wanted to do all he could to make me happy. But even though things changed, I still didn't "get it". I didn't understand what love really was. Was it material goods? Was it sacrificing his happiness and values to make me happy? What was love based on? I didn't have any answers.

Single people often tell you that they're looking for someone they are "compatible" with or someone who shares "similar interests", as these are the things that a good relationship is based off of. I used to think so too, until Chris and I broke up. As people, we shared many interests and were very compatible. Yet, those things didn't seem to cut it. There was something else, something else that was behind the very essence of good relationships. And it was missing. I didn't realize until after we had broken up that what had been missing was my shortcoming, not his.

Respect. We've all had it. We all want it. And when we don't have it, things become very unbearable. It took me 21 years and 6 months to understand that love comes out of respect - respect for yourself and respect and appreciation for the person you're with. Some people will tell you that trust is the basis of love, but really, trust is an offshoot of respect. If I don't respect you, why would I trust you? If I don't think your choices or values are sound, then why should I trust anything you do?

Ever since I realized this, I started to see Chris for who he really was, not how I wanted to see him. He's always been there for me - to listen and to dispense advice. He's a fountain of knowledge and wit and he shares that by being a teacher. He's always looking out for me, even when I don't want him to. And most importantly, he's fair. He doesn't fight dirty like I'm apt to do, and he's always willing to work things out. Those are all things I respect and appreciate about him.

And through the things I like about him, I've also come to respect and appreciate our differences. When you truly respect a person, you respect and appreciate all of that person, not just on weekends or when you agree with them. I realized that his values and the way he does things may be different than how I do things, but it doesn't mean he's wrong for thinking the way he does. It just means he's different and it's my job to either respect or disrespect those differences.

Yes, it may have taken me awhile to grow up and realize things that others have probably realized when they were 10 y/o, but I'm much happier now that I've realized what's important and, sometimes more importantly, what's not important.

Chris, if you're reading this, I love, respect and appreciate all of you :)

Toasty Weekend

First of all, thanks for all of the movie recommendations everyone! I'll have to check them out over the course of the next few months :) I've been a little movie monster - watching movies at every opportunity :P Gwar!

Now for the next order of business - I had a great weekend because 1) my b/f came over and 2) I got a new kitten! :D I had a lot of firsts this weekend... first time I ever made a lasagna, first time I've ever been to Universal Citywalk, first time I've ever had sex on my white couches, first time I ever cried out in fear from feeling like I was going to die in a virtual reality simulation, first time I've adopted a pet, first time I've worn my new BCBG outfit :P Anyway, it was a really nice weekend... I got to spend a lot of quality time with my b/f before I start the new semester, and we both got to bond with the new kitty :)

The whole weekend we were trying to think of a good name for her. I wanted Kitana (a la Mortal Kombat), Rain (after her momma - SweetAsianRain :P), and Limpo (after a Kung Fu form). But one by one, the names just didn't suit her. She's not especially exotic, so she couldn't be a Kitana. She's fierce and violent, not calming and meditational like Rain. And while she is martial, Limpo is a boy's name :P Chris started calling her Toasty... and she really is kind of a Toasty... So, I guess we'll call her Toasty ;)

The worst part is Toasty totally loves Chris more than she loves me; and I'm her owner! :o She'll be laying with me watching a movie and then Chris will call her and she'll go to him! But when I try to steal her back, she just stays with him. Bastards! I'll show them next time! She's my cat, damnit! :P

Movie Kick

I'm not a movie person by any means... not really a TV person either. I have zero ability to sit and be entertained for two hours at a time. That, and my college budget doesn't allow me to get any kind of cable TV The reception is so bad in my apartment building that I don't even get the basic channels everyone can get with a tin foil antenna. So, I don't watch a lot of anything on TV (mostly, it's just video games :P)

Anyway, I bought a Blockbuster Rewards card which gives you a free movie every month, and rent one - get one free deals, and rent 5 - get one free offers... It's pretty kewl... Anyway, I've been renting 2 movies every week (which, now that I think about it, probably costs as much as basic cable per month) The whole "take a week to watch me" is a good deal because I can only watch 1/3 to 1/2 of a movie in one sitting. Anyway, I've watched a couple of good films and wanted to promote them.

If you like anime, Princess Mononoke is for you. It has stunning art and great voice acting. The soundtrack is amazing too! Even if they never said a word, you would be completely mesmerized a la Fantasia 2000. It's a pretty deep little movie :)

I watched The Terminal this morning and it made me cry, and I don't cry very often... The movie is this sad little comedy that has really uplifting tones to it. Steven Spielberg directs and Tom Hanks does some really amazing character acting which I didn't really think he could pull off before I saw the film.

BTW... any movie recommendations for next week? Old or new, I probably haven't seen it. As it is, I still have yet to watch Casablanca, Star Wars, Godfather, Rocky, etc...

So Sore: Why you can't live with or without sex

Tonite's Kung Fu class was particularly rigorous. I thought I pulled a muscle or a ligament or something :( We were doing these long sets of various kicks (front, side, roundhouse, back, hurricane, etc) and I pulled my groin muscles, which is to say those weird protruding ligaments that stick out when you open your legs real wide. Anyway, I could barely lift my leg into crane stance after that. Ouch. But I'm okay now. I think I just overextended myself.

Which leads me to my conclusion: I probably wouldn't have been so sore had I been having regular sex. Yes. I think that spreading your legs apart and putting them over your b/f's shoulders is an intregal and necessary prerequisite to practicing Kung Fu. Without such "stretching exercises" (haha pun :P), you get messed up like me when doing kicking sets. :P

Then it goes back to the whole being sore from TOO much sex thing. That is hardly pleasant either. It's like yeah, you're satisfied - all the endorphins are swimming in your brain - life is good... but you still feel like you've been riding a horse all day. :P (Who knows? Maybe some of us luckier girls are! :P) hehehe Anyway, I think a moderate amount of sex is needed to not get sore during Kung Fu class. I'm very excited to find out just how much is enough :P

Bras

I've been putting off buying bras forever since my boob job in late July. I know this is gonna sound gross, but I've been going braless for awhile now *blush*. I know... "how unprofessional". I try to wear those shelf bras whenever I can, but they don't do anything about the spreading out problem.

Okay. The real truth is... I'M CHEAP... and bras are just so damned expensive! But, be proud of me; I FINALLY got some new bras to fit the new "post boob job" me this past weekend. This one bra I found is AMAZING... it's like a second skin... so light and doesn't grab or pinch anywhere! It's so comfortable that I wish I could buy more... but alas, at $44 a pop, I only bought one in nude. The bra is from the Body by Victoria line (Victoria's Secret). Try one out today! You'll be amazed! :D

Serving Sizes Are So Jacked

Not that I'm counting calories or anything, but the way they tally nutritional information for packages is just dumb. To me, serving size should mean "the size of a (sufficient) serving" - "sufficient" being of an amount that satisfies you. This leads to two complaints against serving sizes:

They are not filling enough - Take pasta, for example. When you go to the restaurant, you get a nice big plate of fettucine alfredo... Mmmmmm! :) You may finish 1/2 of that plate and take the rest home if you're a small eater - That's 2 servings. Now go to the store and pick up a box of pasta... the serving size is 2 ounces... what is that? like 8-10 noodles? Sorry. That's not a sufficient serving. I don't know who could eat 2 ounces of pasta and call it a satisfying meal. I mean, what were they thinking? This is how they trick dieters into counting calories, and it's also the reason why people who count calories are always so fucking hungry!

It doesn't make sense when it comes to the packaging - Remember 12 oz soda cans? They used to be marked as having 1.5 servings in them. That's gross. What? Am I gonna drink my one serving and then give the other 1/2 to my friend? hahaha :P But seriously. The nutrition people know they're gonna fucking drink the whole can. Even a dieter has no real way of telling if there's 1/3 of the soda left in the can to save for the extra 1/2 a serving. And really? Who saves warm soda for later? Yuck. Same with the 20 oz. bottles... they have 2.5 servings! Better find two friends to share with ;)

This just looks too fun...

Three names you go by:
1. Quyen
2. Q
3. Angel

Three screen names you have:
1. SweetAsianRain
2. PrecociousnessQ
3. AzianPryncess

Three things you like about yourself:
1. Playful
2. Smart
3. Sexy (when I try to be)

Three things you hate/dislike about yourself:
1. The fact that I feel obligated to finish my plate (thanks, Dad)
2. My inability to keep anything organized
3. My nose

Three parts of your heritage:
1. French (1/8)
2. Vietnamese
3. More Vietnamese

Three things that scare you:
1. Evil spirits
2. Candyman, Bloody Mary, and other "in the mirror" monsters
3. Failing, even though I tried really hard

Three of your everyday essentials:
1. Sleeping with Bulbasaur
2. Plastic cups (I hate washing dishes)
3. Tweezers

Three things I am wearing right now:
1. Cherryblossom print kimono
2. Pink tank top
3. Pink and grey, plaid PJ pants

Three of your fave bands/artists (today):
1. Whitney Houston
2. Celine Dion
3. Ella Fitzgerald

Three of your fave songs at present:
1. Gavin Degraw - "I Don't Wanna Be"
2. Utada Hikaru - "Simple and Clean" (Japanese remix)
3. Ella Fitzgerald - "How High the Moon"

Three new things you want to try in the upcoming year:
1. Go to a dayspa to get a facial
2. Learn to make a different entree for dinner parties (instead of the usual chicken parmigiana :P)
3. Take voice lessons

Three things you want in a relationship (love is a given):
1. Intimacy
2. Warmth
3. Perseverence

Two truths and a lie:
(not in any order)
1. I'm unable to have children
2. I used to be a real, live angel
3. My dream job is to be a professional assassin

Three physical things about the opposite/same sex that appeal to you:
1. Visible abdominal muscles
2. Being well-endowed
3. Slim or skinny physiques

Three things you just can't do:
1. Whistle with two fingers in my mouth
2. Be on time for anything
3. Use a planner for more than 3 weeks

Three of your favorite hobbies:
1. Going to Kung Fu classes
2. Playing with my Gamecube
3. Teaching and tutoring kids

Three careers you're considering:
1. Music instructor at a private music school
2. Therapist
3. High school teacher

Three places you want to go on vacation:
1. Vietnam
2. Japan
3. NYC

Three kids names (boy or girl):
1. Sable
2. Bulbasaur
3. Ham and Bacon (hey, you didn't say they had to be human)

Three things you want to do before you die:
1. Be able to do crazy jumps while snowboarding and not have to eat it
2. Teach at the college level
3. Own, learn, and play a 7-string bass viola da gamba for my own enjoyment

Holidays and PMS

You'd think that since I've been gone so long that I've been doing exciting things, right? Well, not really. I spent my whole winter vacation in San Diego (aka the laziest city in the world - next to Seattle). For me, SD is that place where you can be born in and die in and never feel like you're missing anything. It's just so peaceful. You can lie around all day on your ass and not feel guilty that you weren't doing anything. SD is that place where you can spend a full hour plucking your eyebrows and then wander around looking for something else to do. You may just think I'm lazy and unproductive (and you'd be right), but SD is just... *yawn*... comfortable.

Anyway, I didn't do ANYTHING the entire time while I was in SD. So, I guess I should run down the list of Xmas presents I got instead:

- Black pearl necklace surrounded by baguette diamonds (I've wanted it for 5 years!)
- Cherryblossom print PJs and matching kimono
- My very first Coach purse (Yay! I've been initiated!) along with 2 other purses
- Mulan (2-disc set)
- Chun Li Playstation controller
- Cute clothes for going out on the town (Meow.)
- A book on Martial Arts Secrets and Contemporary Poetry (Kung fu meets Steven Dobyns)
- A vase (I've wanted it for 2 years)
- Candy (Mmmm... Reese's)
- Perfumes (Ever notice how people buy you what they wear if they don't know what you wear?)
- Gift certificates to the mall

I really made out this Xmas, but I also broke the bank too. Yikes! In addition to the presents I got from others, I bought a few for myself. Namely, 4 video games: The Urbz, Paper Mario, Lord of the Rings: Third Age, and Mario Party 6. Yay! I have a whole month off just to play video games! :D But damn! I need to go back on a budget! I've been packing WAY too much money into the "fun" category...

Anyway, I fucking hate PMS. I hate how it makes me feel... like screaming and crying and kicking ass and being hungry all at the same time :P It's like coming down off X with the side effects of the marijuana munchies all thrown into one. Today, my friend came over and then I felt bad that he was just sitting there. So, I invited him to play The Urbz with me on 2-player mode. The first thing that pissed me off was that the screen split into 2, making it super hard to navigate. (Okay, I know I shouldn't have been pissed off, but I was spoiled by having the screen all to myself). The next thing that pissed me off was that it took twice as long to do everything because if one of us went shopping for clothes, it would take up the whole screen!

But here's the cake... (and this is how you KNOW you're PMS'ing) When he would go shopping for clothes, he picked all these whacked out colors and clothes and put them together and none of it matched! The whole time, I was thinking, "Good lord! Can't you match your fucking clothes?!?" So yeah, I'm totally PMS'ing today. I just wanna be left alone. Sorry for being a bitch, but once a month, I get creative license.