Time Capsule

This post is meant to be a written "snapshot" of who I am at this point in my life. When I'm older, maybe I'll look back and think, "Wow, I was so enlightened!" or "Wow, I was so naive!" Either way, it'll be a time capsule waiting for me many years from now, preserved only by the functional, yet handy, blogger.com ;)

SELF ANALYSIS: Quyen is an academically intelligent girl who enjoys abstract conversations about ideas and not necessarily events. She has a twisted and odd sense of humor and frequently oscillates between witty and dorky. She can be totally superficial and self-important to strangers, but she can also be warm and engaging to those she likes. She has few friends as she believes most people are stupid, and those friends whom she keeps can often be counted on to deliver either great intelligence or raucous humor. She believes in keeping traditions alive even though they might not have any more meaning to them. She's most comfortable doing the same things over and over. It's the people around her who inspire her to try a new recipe or a new activity. She's anti-social to a fault. However, she can be the life of the party if she so chooses. Men generally admire her for her looks. Women generally admire her for her ability to consistently think rationally and dispense solid advice. She thinks this is ironic because she doesn't believe her strong point lies in her looks or rational thinking but instead, she believes her best trait is her ability to think creatively. In relationships, she thinks people are a team and that gender expectation lines are blurry. She constantly tries to move in a forward direction and never find herself stagnant in terms of personal development. She is very flaky and frequently feels the desire not to return a call or go through with a plan if she doesn't feel like it - this even occurs with things that are important to her or others. She thinks this is more attributed to her laziness than any sort of devious intentions.

HOBBIES: Kung Fu, cooking (specialty: Italian), blogging, playing video games

LOVES: Chris, cats (Toasty), sushi (salmon, eel, yellowtail, soft-shelled crab), teaching kids, attracting the attention of her b/f, kissing and hugging her b/f, feeling beautiful, feeling wise and experienced, giving head

LIKES: Boba (Japanese Mo-Cha), MAC makeup and makeup application, video games (Gamecube and RPGs), getting dressed up to go out, karaoke, dancing, writing poetry, designer clothing, having a drink every now and then (vodka and martinis), pretending to be a cat in bed, "sweet but spicy" lingerie (pink and black),

DISLIKES: Small beds, bad drivers, breaking out, stress, unwanted attention, her own procrastinating tendencies, feeling ugly, smegma, talking to people I don't feel like talking to, politics,

HATES: Liver and onions, feeling out of shape, traffic, being smothered by people other than her b/f, feeling stupid, ignorant people who use their ignorance to be mean to others,

WOULD LIKE: More plastic surgery, other cosmetic procedures, Toasty to live with me again, to be amazingly intelligent, to be pretty into my old age, to learn Kung Fu fan, to be an amazing cook, to have a satisfying and rewarding career in the future,

FEARS: Having no job marketability, Candyman, spirits, scary things you can't logically explain, little porcelain dolls, loved ones dying, myself dying, being poor, being unattractive to my spouse,

This is an incomplete list, but it's all I can think of. Hopefully, this will give me a good idea of who I was when I was 21 y/o. Feel free to copy and make your own time capsules ;)

DEBT RELIEF!

OMFG! I am so happy right now! Actually, happy doesn't cover it... it's a combination of relief, elation, serenity, and the belief that things are going to turn out great, after all. My sister got a call today from the hospital I was hospitalized in way back in September. If you've been around for a long time, you know that I racked up an $18,000 bill in my short 3 day stay. I'm a student working 2 PT jobs and going to school full time... I totally don't have that kind of money.

So, these past 5 months, I've been really stressed out about it because I wasn't approved for MediCal, and I've been writing letters and sending documents to all sorts of low-income agencies in order to help me take care of that bill. I thought all hope was lost and have been seriously considering bankruptcy since the New Year. I would have rather had zero credit than be in debt for the rest of my life what with student loans AND the hospital bill.

Anyway, my sister got a call from the hospital saying that I was approved for my Charity Care application and that I owe NOTHING! :D Can you believe that?! :D I'm ecstatic. They said they'd even send me a letter to confirm it. I'm so happy! This means that I will only have to pay the outside agencies money (which amounts to only about $2,000) ;)

Since I didn't talk to the hospital myself, Chris thinks I should call them just to confirm that my sis has her facts straight. I'm wondering what I should do. Should I send them all a gift basket? A sincere letter of thanks? Or just thank them over the phone? I don't want to seem like I do have money, because I don't. However, I want to show my gratitude. Any suggestions? This has been a huge weight lifted off my shoulders :) This has been the best day I've had in a long time :)

Do' and Don'ts (Quyen's Guide to Sex)

DO give head regularly

DON'T eat someone's shit or engage in scat play

DO arch your back and press your ass in the air, pretending you're a porn star

DON'T have sex in a hot tub for long periods of time

DO train yourself to enjoy various positions (even if it hurts the first time)

DON'T suck cock if it's just been in your ass

DO try to play with all your partner's 2,000 parts

DON'T subject yourself to a dirty ass or a dirty penis

DO talk so dirty it disturbs your neighbors

DON'T complain during sex and ruin the moment

DO have sex in a car and other outside venues

DON'T be unwilling to try new things that might please your partner

DO kiss, suck, spank, bite, pull, stroke, and fuck to your heart's desire

DON'T hurt, cut, beat, or maim yourself or your partner

DO have as much sex as you feel is unnecessarily needed

DON'T ever be ashamed of it

Happy Valentine's Day! :D

Happy Valentine's Day everyone! I hope you all have a wonderful day with the person who has captured your heart. And if you're single, indulge in a little self-love (and no I don't mean masturbation, although you may do that generously if you wish) :P

I had a great Valentine's weekend. Friday nite, Chris came over, and I made a pizza and gave him my two V-day presents: a key to my apartment and some sexy lingerie (for me, not him) ;) Then, he gave me his presents: an anthology of great poems (over 600 of them!) and a new diary (since I had been asking for one). I really enjoyed the poem anthology. Anyone who knows me well knows I am a poetry nut - and he's one of a handful of people who know me well. Chris actually tried to trick me and find out some of my favorite poems and poets by asking for my advice on which poems to use on a "very important, 8-unit classroom project" he had to design for college freshmen on poetry. I was totally tricked; I came up with this whole plan and submitted it to him. :P But since I never told him any of MY personal favorites and instead told him which I thought would be good for college freshmen, he didn't get the answers he was looking for. I guess it backfired on him hehehe But it was really thoughtful :)

Saturday, I planned this extravagant candle-lit dinner at home with me cooking steak for the first time in my life, coupled with garlic bread, broccoli, mashed potatoes, and a cherry cheesecake. I went to a butcher and bought a nice ribeye steak. Then I got all the rest of the food ready. As a finishing touch, I put on makeup, did my hair, and wore an evening gown that I've never worn before. That was the upside. The downside of the evening was that I ruined everything except for the steak and garlic bread :P Oh well... I'll do better next time :P It was still nice, even if everything wasn't "perfect". ;)

On Sunday, we went to San Diego to drop off Toasty :( We had a nice ride up and went to lunch at El Torito with my sister and her b/f. Then, we went and saw "Hitch" at the movie theatres, which was cute. Not wonderful, not great - cute. After that, we went for some Korean BBQ (mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!) and then drove home.

I was so tired this morning (we both got home late) that I slept through my first class today :( Oh well, it was definitely worth it :) Happy Valentine's Day everyone! :D

Off-Days

Nobody ever talks about these days because they always pass and life moves on or maybe they think it's embarassing to talk about it - that somehow we should be embarassed to feel the way we do. I'm talking about those days when you just feel worthless, like everyone has a leg up on you, that no matter what you do, you'll never be or do good enough. I'm having one of those days today, and it fucking sucks.

Sometimes, my off-days include things like... "I'll never succeed in life" or "I'm not a good person". But today, it's something a little more superficial - and that's entirely okay. I'm feeling ugly, unpretty, and like a big, fat, nasty slug. I'm usually pretty content with my looks - sometimes pretty confident. But I guess I'm at my breaking point. I haven't heard a compliment on my looks from anyone in a long time, and it's eating me away. I think a woman needs those flirty moments to feel beautiful like roses need water to grow. Right now, I feel like I'm withering. I feel like I need attention. Someone to say, "Hey! Stop thinking like that! You're pretty, and you know it!" But I don't have that luxury anymore. I've sworn it off. But it doesn't mean I don't still need it.

Call it needing constant reassurance, call it being unconfident, call it being attention-seeking. I don't really care what anyone thinks of it. I just know that today, I'm having an off-day, and that off-day can be cured by a little warmth and love from the only person I can allow to give it to me. Not knowing whether that person is willing or able to give it to me is the real problem...

Tomorrow will be better, but it cannot change the present.

Poor Toasty

My cat was spotted sitting on the windowsill of my apartment window and now the apartment manager wants me to get rid of her :( I knew it would happen sooner or later. I remember the rental agreement specifically saying "no pets". But a part of me thought, "Well, I'm such a good tenant that maybe she'll make an exception" or "Maybe she'll overlook it." Totally wrong. So, now Toasty has to go :(

She'll be transplanted to San Diego where she'll live with my mom and sisters. I'm really bummed. I mean, I know I have a super busy schedule and don't have enough time to hang out with her, but it was nice coming home to her and sleeping with her in my arms at nite. I guess it's back to Ham, Bacon, and Bulbasaur again. Maybe one day, I'll move to an apartment where Toasty can come live with me. It's funny, I've been noticing all the "vacancy" signs around me :P

I did have the last word though. When she told me cats weren't allowed, I said, "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know. I thought they were allowed because I always see other people's cats on the 3rd floor!" hahaha I'm sure she's all paranoid now. I still don't understand the logic of no cats. If they tear up the carpet, well, that's what the security deposit is for, right? Whatever.

Does "boring" really mean "bad"?

So, I saw Chris this weekend, and we had the most AMAZING sex I've ever had in my life! I REALLY MEAN THAT! :D I was so sore afterward! I couldn't sit or walk or even lay down; I just wanted to die :P But it was so worth it. Anyway, Chris and I have a pretty typical sex regimen and it's not that freaky or explorative or anything... As the saying goes, we're "business as usual".

So, I got to thinking that maybe our sex life needed spicing up... You know, some new ideas and all that. So I asked him if he thought our sex life was boring. He said, "Yes, it's boring. But just because it's boring doesn't mean it's bad." At this point, I was confused. He said, "When the sex is bad, it's just bad. Nothing new or exciting is gonna make that go away. But when you're having good sex, who cares if it's boring? Just cuz it's boring doesn't make it bad."

And that got me thinking... As a society, we think that if it's new, it's gotta be good. But I guess Chris put it in a very poignant way, which is to say that if you've had a good blowjob 100 times in exactly the same way, just cuz it happens again doesn't mean it's going to be bad. Interesting idea, no?

However, that doesn't mean I'm totally sold on his idea. So, I would still like some suggestions on how to put a new spin on our bedroom life ;) Sexperts needed! :P

Per Peachy's Request

Because Peachy asked, I am writing a blog when I should really be reading! Classes started for me again... (come to think about it, I have SO much to tell you guys!) It appears I'll be in school for 3 more semesters, not 2 :( Also, I'm not a morning person, but I'm taking classes at 8AM, Monday through Friday - only to accomodate my work schedule and kung fu practice.

The courses I'm taking this semester are Contemporary Literature, Contemporary Issues in Asian American Communities, Harmony II, Music Analysis, Keyboard IV, T'ai Chi Chu'an, and Musicianship VI. I have 3 upper division classes: Contemp. Lit, Issues of Asians, and Music Analysis. The workload is intense so far... I already have a short paper due and 207 pages of reading due by 8AM Thursday! So, I'll have to make this blog short so I can get back to reading :P

I want to post more because so much is going on, but life has been very busy lately. I also apologize if I haven't posted on any of your blogs lately either... As soon as my final schedule gets situated, I'm sure things will be back to normal. On an unfortunate note, there have been problems (once again due to me) between Chris and I and we're experiencing some relationship troubles. However, I'm determined to resolve them and make things better between us (hopefully, one day). I'll tell you guys more later ;)