Off-Days
Nobody ever talks about these days because they always pass and life moves on or maybe they think it's embarassing to talk about it - that somehow we should be embarassed to feel the way we do. I'm talking about those days when you just feel worthless, like everyone has a leg up on you, that no matter what you do, you'll never be or do good enough. I'm having one of those days today, and it fucking sucks.
Sometimes, my off-days include things like... "I'll never succeed in life" or "I'm not a good person". But today, it's something a little more superficial - and that's entirely okay. I'm feeling ugly, unpretty, and like a big, fat, nasty slug. I'm usually pretty content with my looks - sometimes pretty confident. But I guess I'm at my breaking point. I haven't heard a compliment on my looks from anyone in a long time, and it's eating me away. I think a woman needs those flirty moments to feel beautiful like roses need water to grow. Right now, I feel like I'm withering. I feel like I need attention. Someone to say, "Hey! Stop thinking like that! You're pretty, and you know it!" But I don't have that luxury anymore. I've sworn it off. But it doesn't mean I don't still need it.
Call it needing constant reassurance, call it being unconfident, call it being attention-seeking. I don't really care what anyone thinks of it. I just know that today, I'm having an off-day, and that off-day can be cured by a little warmth and love from the only person I can allow to give it to me. Not knowing whether that person is willing or able to give it to me is the real problem...
Tomorrow will be better, but it cannot change the present.
Sometimes, my off-days include things like... "I'll never succeed in life" or "I'm not a good person". But today, it's something a little more superficial - and that's entirely okay. I'm feeling ugly, unpretty, and like a big, fat, nasty slug. I'm usually pretty content with my looks - sometimes pretty confident. But I guess I'm at my breaking point. I haven't heard a compliment on my looks from anyone in a long time, and it's eating me away. I think a woman needs those flirty moments to feel beautiful like roses need water to grow. Right now, I feel like I'm withering. I feel like I need attention. Someone to say, "Hey! Stop thinking like that! You're pretty, and you know it!" But I don't have that luxury anymore. I've sworn it off. But it doesn't mean I don't still need it.
Call it needing constant reassurance, call it being unconfident, call it being attention-seeking. I don't really care what anyone thinks of it. I just know that today, I'm having an off-day, and that off-day can be cured by a little warmth and love from the only person I can allow to give it to me. Not knowing whether that person is willing or able to give it to me is the real problem...
Tomorrow will be better, but it cannot change the present.
posted by Quyen @ 10:24 AM
27 Comments:
At 10:57 AM ,
peachy said...
Put on a cute outfit when you get home and parade around town. Someone will be sure to think 'wow, that girl's really pretty, sexy, hot.' I know what you mean, and you're right about tomorrow being a different day.
Maybe you should watch Jerry Springer this afternoon. Those people can make anyone feel better about themselves. :)
At 11:22 AM ,
Yankeebob said...
For what it's worth, I think you're exceptionally attractive, judging from your profile pic. I'm always surprised to hear that beautiful women have days like this too. I guess everyone does.
Hang in there Quyen. I hope your day gets better.
At 11:45 AM ,
grace said...
awww, you are a HOTTIE! you're gorgeous. seriously...
i know i'm not the person you wanted to hear that from, but i hope it helps. heh. and i meant it!
hey, even though i get that from steve all the time, sometimes, i still feel completely unattractive, like he HAS to say it because he's married to me or something. heh. it'll pass :) you'll feel hot all over again tomorrow :)
At 12:25 PM ,
Rarry said...
I'd do ya! ;)
At 1:52 PM ,
grace said...
yeah, lar, but that's not saying much... OH, SNAP! :P
just kidding, q. larry is a hottie! :)
At 2:04 PM ,
Kis Lee said...
sorry about your rough day. i think we all have one of those days when we just feel like "blah."
sometimes the meaningless flirty comments can be a much-needed ego boost.
At 3:29 PM ,
Anonymous said...
Can we say reality check? Judging by your picture, you are neither big, fat, or a slug, unless of course, you've somehow managed to detach from your spine and secrete three varieties of slime.
As far as off-days go, we all have them and I'm betting that, in reality, you've been complimented on your looks just as recently as yesterday. It looks like the problem is you're looking for reassurance from one specific person: "the only person I can allow to give it to me." And no amount of reassurance from anyone else is going to fix things.
Two questions come to mind: why is this person unwilling or unable to give the warmth you seek? (Are you sure of this?) And, what does this all have to do with: "I don't have that luxury anymore. I've sworn it off." Whatever this is (that you've sworn off) can't be that good if you've sworn it off, yet you say, "(you) ... still need it." What's wrong with this picture: you long for something you shouldn't be doing or getting.
You're right - things will be better tomorrow. Tomorrow wont be another off-day; at least we all hope it's not. But, if you want to prevent this off-day feeling from reoccurring so often, you have a few options:
1) Find out for a fact if this specific person you need reassurance from can or can not give it to you. If not, why? What can you do to make sure she or he gives it to you more often? Parents don't always feel comfortable telling their children they look good. It's much easier to nit-pick.
2) Figure out why you need reassurance so badly, and then work on it. There are many people out there who really are ugly. Every day when they wake up, ugly is what they see in the mirror. When they go to sleep, it's our friend ugly again who makes an appearance. Can you imagine how they feel? Some may never hear any kind words of reassurance - even from their own parents. When you're down, you should really take into consideration how blessed you are that you do, in fact, look good, and regularly elicit compliments from others.
3) Whatever it is you've sworn off, you have to figure out if you're the kind of person that can actually commit to staying away. Or, do you need it so badly that you can't imagine your life without it? It's time to be honest with yourself and engage in a little one on one self-discovery.
Agrees with Grace - you are a hottie.
Good Luck, your friendly neighborhood anonomai
At 9:09 AM ,
Anonymous said...
You could also come to grips with the fact that you're a rather selfish person and are fishing for compliments to satisfy your ego.
When was the last time you cheered someone up? Forgave? Went out of your way for someone other than yourself or your clique?
I would guess its been a long time.
Maybe you are feeling what its like to be around you. From the previous posts I've scanned you're somewhat of a selfish person.
Quit feeling sorry for yourself, it's not all about you. It never was.
Don't feel that I am angry at you. I'm not, I don't even know you. However there are those who have it much worse than a person who can't see past herself long enough to stop bemoaning her position.
There's something to learn about compassion and empathy. If your world looks bleak, why don't you try making someone else's better?
JL
At 9:17 AM ,
grace said...
uhm... JL... what the fuck is wrong with you?
what an ass.
you never had an off-day? you never felt like shit before? well, sorry all of our lives can't be as fucking wonderful as yours...
idiot.
At 10:05 AM ,
Anonymous said...
I've had more than my share of off days Grace. Sure in I don't feel like shit when the monthly visitor arrives. But I do something about it. My life isn't wonderful, but I try to go out and do something about it.
When I feel unpretty, I find someone else to compliment. When I feel sad, I try to cheer someone up.
I find that joy catches quicker than the common cold. If my world is dark, I try to brighten someone elses and bask in their light.
Are the motivations just as selfish...hehe..hell yes they are!
What I don't do is mope and fish for acceptance from relative strangers.
At 11:00 AM ,
MomMega: mothersmilkblog.com said...
Hey Q, I know just how you feel...I have been having those days on and off for the past month!! It sucks! But like you said, tomorrow (actually today) is another day. I hope it is better for you. In the meantime, maybe we can all strive to be as perfect as JL...obviously she is the most good-hearted, positive person on the face of this earth. And the rest of us are just Negative Nellys!
At 11:21 AM ,
Yankeebob said...
I don't know who this JL person is, but they should read a few more blogs. This line is crap, "From the previous posts I've scanned you're somewhat of a selfish person."
Each blog author comes across a bit self-centered because they are writing about THEIR experiences and THEIR reactions etc.... What do you expect to find in a personal journal?
If you really had read Quyen's blog thoroughly you would find that she is a caring, unselfish and genuine person. Obviously you haven't. You say you don't know her and you've "scanned' her blog, well I think you should try reading it more in detail before you go spouting off on the 'spread the sunshine' crap.
Everyone has an off day. Quyen is allowed one. What she doesn't need is some 'holier than thou pseudo philosopher' attacking her where she does have friends, albiet "relative strangers", as you say.
At least these 'relative strangers' have taken time to know her a bit before passing judgement.
At 12:06 PM ,
grace said...
i think JL should pray for us because we all suck. and we all need some jesus sunshine in our sad, sorry, pathetic lives! :D
nice of you to come back, JL. we missed you. come back some more. i like calling people names when i'm in a bad mood.
self-righteous bitch.
i don't know about you, but that made me feel a little better.
btw, when you compliment people, maybe you feel better because 99% of those people will compliment you back. oh... get it now? you're fishing for compliments under the guise of being a better person. you are a real piece of work. at least own up to what you're doing.
At 1:06 PM ,
The Mighty Anonymous said...
WHOOOO Doggie!! Flame bait! LOL.
Okay, it's my turn, but let's see if we can do some clarification here.
My Q isn't it nice to have friends that are protective?
First, JL if you're the same JL I'm thinking you are (just from reading previous posts), you don't know Q well enough to make those judgements, but I do see (hopefully) where you're coming from.
Second, blogger friends of Q, since when did voicing a contrary opinion become justification of an equally ostentatious attack?
Come on, I know you guys are better than that, be the bigger person.
What I think JL is trying to say is this (albiet somewhat...erm...lacking in tact):
1. I believe JL is expressing frustration over the opinion that people victimize themselves, put themselves down, and expect someone else to save them, make them feel better, protect them.
2. I believe JL is highly opinionated, and she has every right to be. I may not agree with what she says, but I'll fight to the death for her right to say it.
(What can I say it's the Voltaire in me.)
3. I think that JL actually believes that doing something externally helps the internal process. I agree with the theory, I mean that's why people pet their dogs instead of drop kicking them (although I admit there's a certain amount of satisfaction to that too).
Without more information about her motivations for writing this, or how her words translates to actions, I'm inclined to agree with YB as to her motives.
However, the idealist in me is never against the idea of someone actually being a genuinely good, person. I know those few times I've been selfless (and it's not that I'm selfish, I'm just a hermit), there's a good feeling that accompanies it...
...although with me it's usually followed by a long awkward silence or running away (people scare me).
In the future JL, perhaps maybe you could get to know Q, or lower (just a wee bit) the tone of your opinions. Granted, she's a bit self-absorbed and more than a bit of a flake, but she does have her good qualities...
...and friends that are very protective.
Take Care,
Mighty A
At 1:15 PM ,
MomMega: mothersmilkblog.com said...
Hee hee...I just got the mental image of Mandy Moore throwing the bible at Jena Malone and yelling "I am filled with Christ's love!" in Saved. Tee hee...
At 1:15 PM ,
grace said...
mighty a: why you gotta ruin my fun? :P
just for clarification, it wasn't really an opposing viewpoint as it was telling someone that they were basically a horrible person. oh, and that they were a better person. i hate condescension. it's rude. get over yourself... get off your high horse.
oh, also, i don't want to be the better and bigger person. i'm having a shitty day.
At 1:23 PM ,
The Mighty Anonymous said...
Grace...maybe you should try being nice to someone else...LOL
As to why I gotta ruin your fun, it's just because I think that Q is going to be reading this and you know how she gets when it's all flame bait and arguments.
Mel...yeah...(cracks up).
At 2:15 PM ,
Quyen said...
Thanks to all who stood up for me. I really appreciate your loyalty and also the kind words :) But as the Mighty A predicted, it's time to stop the bickering ;)
JL, I respect your right to say whatever you want about me and make whatever assumptions you see fit to make - I'm more than used to that. What I do find ironic, however, is the fact that you tout the fact that you are nice to others when having a bad day - that you reach out and make the world a better place. However, all you have shown me is condescension and criticism. I'm led to believe that you don't follow your own advice or you're having a good day and, therefore, it's time to let loose with the insults. Either way, all you have done today is make someone's day worse, not better.
We are all striving to be better people. Maybe, JL, you can join us "less enlightened" individuals in that pursuit.
At 2:33 PM ,
grace said...
but... but... bickering's fun! :D
At 6:58 PM ,
Rarry said...
Sorry... I just got to put my two cents in.
JL: Your a cock smoke and you should go kill yourself as soon as possible.
Q & Mel: This might not mean a whole lot coming from a complete stranger, but I personally think both of you are complete knockouts with incredible personalities. And with all the superficial bitches that are wandering around these days, its refreshing to know that there are still beautiful girls out there that have more to them than just a great set of boobs.
So chin up ladies, girls like you two are a dying breed. And if either of you ever have “one of those” days again just let me know, Ill be more than happy to shoot a couple of compliments over your way ;D
At 10:06 AM ,
Cindy-Lou said...
Aw, man! Q gets all the crazy comments! I love how people think a blog comment is going to turn someone's life around. Like Q will suddenly say "Hey! That JL is absolutely right! I think I'll go spread some joy right now". Oh and Q, I think you're beautiful. Inside and out.
At 1:02 PM ,
Chris said...
"For what it's worth," to borrow a line from Yankeebob, I'd all but managed to stay away from posting a comment; however, CL got me to thinking.
She says, "I love how people think a blog comment is going to turn someone's life around. Like Q will suddenly say, "Hey! That JL is absolutely right! I think I'll go spread some joy right now."
With that in mind, what did anyone here hope to accomplish in their attempts to excoriate JL? Did YOU think she was suddenly going to fall down to her knees, sob, look up to the heavens and renounce her sinful ways? Did you have the impression that she was going to tell the pastor or priest at a local church that some delightful chaps showed her the way, emblazoning your names on her bedroom walls?
The honest answer is none of you expected that; at least, I hope not. That would be like expecting Guantamo Bay's prison cells to become the next big thing in the architecture industry, or even finding good mileage on a Hummer.
If you truly disagree with JL, and want something more than the sheer pleasure of being a jack-ass, you might try discounting her proofs one by one. You might even try to convince her that her view of Q is horribly skewed or incomplete, which it is.
However, if what you want is to be a jack-ass, don't pretend you're any better than JL. You just have the good fortune of being on the side of the mob (popular opinion)
Like the Mighty Anonymous says, "When did voicing a contrary opinion become justification of an equally ostentatious attack? Come on, I know you guys are better than that, be the bigger person."
On a sidenote: just because you don't like someone, doesn't mean they're not right. JL's ideas have a lot to offer, again, even if she doesn't follow them herself.
Can you honestly tell me that you think it's a bad idea to make the world a brighter place through compliments and nice words? Do you think it's healthy for people to victimize themselves? Do you mean to say people shouldn't learn to harness their inner strength in case no one's there to help them? No? Then what's the problem?
Since when did people start having to pass the "perfect" test? Thomas Jefferson owned slaves. Benjamin Franklin was anti-German. Charley Chaplin was rude. Moe of the Three Stooges was abusive. Babe Ruth was abusive....and a drunk, and a philanderer. Thomas Edison was anti-social. Octavius Caesar, who ushered in the Pax Romana, assasinated his fellow leaders and instigated a civil war. Yet, each of these men is universally recognized for his achievements.
You can at least try to see the good among the bad in JL's comments.
At 1:09 PM ,
The Mighty Anonymous said...
You know Chris, it's not nearly as fun when we argue on the same side.
At 5:34 AM ,
peachy said...
From my viewpoint, it seems that JL has never had an off day.
I think the rest of us agree with Quyen that yeah, sometimes you don't feel so pretty, attractive smart, good enough, and when JL posted that it's all because she's selfish is a complete misnomer.
I also agree with everyone when they say that if we can't talk about ourselves on our own blog, what's the point? The comments are a section for those to agree or disagree, but if you're going to disagree you could at least be nice about it. JL was WAY out of line with her comments, and I hope that she realizes it. Everyone can't be happy/perfeect all of the time and if you are, great. We don't really care, nor do we want to hear about it on someone else's blog. Get your own and enjoy. I'll be sure not to visit.
Have a great weekend Quyen.
At 1:59 PM ,
Cindy-Lou said...
Hey, I wasn't directing my comment towards JL specifically. I have no beef with anyone who holds her view, I think it's a great way to live your life. I just think that posting a comment on a stranger's blog shouldn't be the way to change their lives. I've had some questionable comments in my time, but they didn't affect the way I felt about god, jesus, or the Cure. Blog comments are not going to change your life.
At 9:00 AM ,
grace said...
CL, you crack my ass up!!!!
i want to be you when i grow up. :D
At 12:33 PM ,
Kis Lee said...
hey quyen, you need a new post. see what you started here? hehe. j/k.
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home