Stigma

I've realized that there's a stigma attatched to romantic relationships. You expect it to honestly be romantic, full of romance. And it's that side of us in a relationship that gets caught up in wanting the ideal romantic partner. We'll complain, communicating our dissatisfaction, and we'll even try to change the person we're with only to bend them into what we believe we want. We want it to be like the movies. We want it to be all the best times and none of the worst. That's the side of our relationships which always wants more and is never satiated. This is the side that doesn't want to compromise. Our perfect version of a relationship is just that: perfect. Why should anything else be otherwise?

Then, there is the side of the relationship that consists of just friendship. Whatever you do, you enjoy each other's company and you're with them because you genuinely enjoy them. You don't want to change them; they come as they are. This side consists of caring just for the genuine sake of caring. There is nothing you can get back out of the friendship except seeing the other person happy, which, in turn, makes you happy. There's no greed, no expectations. We give because we truly want to, and because it satisfies us as people. It's the side of us that has no ego, no pride. It makes us say, "We're in this together."

It's never the romantic side that gets couples through hard times; it's the friendship, the caring. When you shush someone from crying, it's your love for them as a friend that makes you not want to see them in pain. When you want to see their side of the argument, it's your friendship that makes you want to understand them. All this and more... that's what keeps couples together for the long haul, not the sex or the praise that comes from mimicking movies and fantasies of the ideal relationship. It's the friendship. What pulls couples apart is the greed caused by the pursuance of the ideal romance. Ironically, it's the pursuance of the sex and the praise.

So, how do you function in a relationship with these two, very different forces at play? I don't have the answers; I'm still trying to figure things out for myself. Maybe we need to concentrate more on the connections we have with others rather than the roles that we want people to fill in our lives. Spend more time with the people in front of you than those who might be, far into the future. Let your loved ones know what you think is right and not wrong. And make sure to observe more, and judge less.