Realizations and Regrets
After reading YB's post about what you should do if you care about someone but things just aren't working, I started thinking of my past. I've been on the other side of that equation many times. Men have always had a way with falling in love with me (or having strong affections for me). I'm not sure why this is since I'm not a supermodel or a super genius or the sweetest person on Earth. All in all, I'd say I'm just average or slightly above average. However, guys find something in me that is irresistable, even if I'm disinterested or being stand-offish. This leads to a lot of guys falling in love with me before I've had a chance to fall in love with them.
Needless to say, this situation leads to power imbalances and things start to "not work out". But the guy I'm with still cares for me. So, he should cut his losses and leave, right? Well, most of them did not, and a situation created itself in which things did not change for me and they lived a life where they were always searching for my affection and care. That's a life that nobody should have to live. I wish they had left to find something better. Maybe then would I have learned that being selfish and letting people fall hopelessly in love with you and giving nothing in return is not okay.
And that's what it comes down to. I was just very selfish when I was young. I expected to be courted and taken care of in every way imaginable: emotionally, intellectually, physically, financially, etc. I even treated Chris in the same way during the first part of our relationship. But it was through my relationship with him now that I realized that a relationship takes two sets of hands to row the boat.
In some ways, I have finally realized what it's like to be on the other side of the equation, where you care for someone so much that even when things aren't going well, you want nothing more in the world to make things better between you. Finally, I understand what my ex's have felt like. I just wish that I had been a better person back then and was able to either give back equally or tell them to go.
Needless to say, this situation leads to power imbalances and things start to "not work out". But the guy I'm with still cares for me. So, he should cut his losses and leave, right? Well, most of them did not, and a situation created itself in which things did not change for me and they lived a life where they were always searching for my affection and care. That's a life that nobody should have to live. I wish they had left to find something better. Maybe then would I have learned that being selfish and letting people fall hopelessly in love with you and giving nothing in return is not okay.
And that's what it comes down to. I was just very selfish when I was young. I expected to be courted and taken care of in every way imaginable: emotionally, intellectually, physically, financially, etc. I even treated Chris in the same way during the first part of our relationship. But it was through my relationship with him now that I realized that a relationship takes two sets of hands to row the boat.
In some ways, I have finally realized what it's like to be on the other side of the equation, where you care for someone so much that even when things aren't going well, you want nothing more in the world to make things better between you. Finally, I understand what my ex's have felt like. I just wish that I had been a better person back then and was able to either give back equally or tell them to go.
posted by Quyen @ 5:21 PM
4 Comments:
At 12:15 PM ,
peachy said...
I wouldn't blame yourself for those guys sticking around trying to win your affections. I think that's on them. You can try and try but when things aren't working out, you have to realize it and make the changes accordingly. Otherwise, you'd just be miserable trying for the rest of your life. Well, I sure would be.
At 12:23 PM ,
Kis Lee said...
the disinterest or stand-offish may have been part of it. i was always pursued hardest by the guy i wasn't too interested in. dude, i'm not playing hard to get..i just don't like you! *sigh*
personally i think it was because you're a babe. hehe. men are such visual creatures.
At 8:04 PM ,
Yankeebob said...
I guess I've always been the one who falls for someone else very slowly. It takes me quite a while to notice I actually have feelings for someone. And even then, I believe, my level of caring is somewhat less than my partner. But when I commit, it's really hard to un-commit. I'm loyal to a fault and usually I wait too long to make a clean break when something isn't working.
I really like to read your posts about life. You write very well and the straight forward honesty is something a lot of others (myself included) could stand to learn.
At 9:29 AM ,
Oddgirl said...
I'm glad that your happy. I think it's important to reflect on the past to see how far you've come and avoid pitfalls.
I don't ever think I was such a heartbreaker(I don't mean that in a bad way). I can't imagine what that must feel like. As a matter of fact, I usually have no idea that some one likes me until their pants are around their ankles...hehehe...sad, but true.
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