Happy Holidays!

Merry Christmas, Happy Hannukah, Happy Kwanzaa, Happy Candlemas, Happy Winter Solstice, and any others I forgot...

And a Happy New Year of 2005 if I don't talk to you sooner! :D

*gives each of you a candy cane and a peck on the cheek* ;)

Why Are Penises Getting So Big?!?

I swear! They're HUGE! It's like everyone is sporting 8 inches! Whatever happened to the 6" average? I mean, if there are guys who are 8-10", then where are the 3-4" guys who are balancing this out? Personally, I've never seen a 3" penis, but that's just me.

One of my g/fs is dating this guy who was so big... he ripped her. WTF? And let me tell you, this girl isn't any stranger to big dicks... Her last b/f was 10"! I can't even imagine! So, for this new guy to rip her (let me reiterate, RIP HER), this guy must have been like... what? 14" lol :P I mean, that's not even human anymore, is it?

I think the smallest penis today must be around 3.5-4". Any smaller, and I think we should call it a clit. So, I think the real average penis size has risen to maybe 6.5-7". That's a big gain for such a small evolutionary time frame! :P I swear. The penis is evolving. For what purpose, I don't know. Maybe to take over the Earth? Stock up on food and supplies now. :P

Destruction - Dreams - Denial

Destruction - A few nights ago, I tore my bedroom apart in my place. I remember waking up (but not really waking up - just noticing my body as if it were an out of body experience) and I saw myself punching and kicking. I woke up to an overturned bookcase, overturned dresser, and the mattress was on the other side of the room. I had no idea what had happened. For a second, I thought someone was in my apartment.

Dreams - The night after the night tantrum, I had a very vivid dream. Adam was there, and he was looking for me so he could ask for my help with something. We melded together and became this big entity of infinite power. We spent the rest of the dream going back and forth about the pros and cons of an issue. It seemed like we were deciding something very important - something about the existence on humanity and whether or not they should exist. I woke up feeling at peace but needing to analyze what it was all about. I was unsettled.

Denial - Yesterday, I started thinking about humanity and how people have such a large degree of self-interest that guides their existence. I became sad that there were people like gold-diggers or home wreckers. I even started getting mad at anthropological films where the U.S. government forced people off their lands in order to make more money - homes these people have lived in for generations. I started to doubt my own efforts to help others and be a good person. Why should I if it doesn't matter? I was angry that my ideal vision of reality wasn't real.

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Analysis of Destruction - With Chris' help, I realized that to know great good was to know great evil. One of the reasons why I was sad was because I had to admit that many people do bad things, and that everyone has the capacity to be incredibly evil, even me. This is my explanation for the night tantrum. I felt so destructive because I was acknowledging the capacity for destructive evil inside of me. It scared me.

Analysis of Dreams - Adam represents someone who is the piece that completes me. We are both made of good and bad... except his good traits are different than my good traits and my bad traits differ from his bad traits. Together, I feel we complete this sphere of feelings, emotions, and thoughts that humanity has. This is why we were discussing the pros and cons of humanity, because we represented it in entirety. That's why we became the single entity in the dream.

Analysis of Denial - People have as much capacity for destruction as they do for building (analysis of destruction), and humanity is made up of many parts with different ways to deal with their experiences and are attatched by fragile and thin bonds (analysis of dreams). Yes, society may be filled with many immoral people, but it's also filled with people who enrich those around them and therein lies the balance. Without people who want to help others directly (like me) or people who demand retribution for the immoral (like Adam), there is no good - no balance. Although they are different ways of enriching the world, they are the same.

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Last Words - Humanity wouldn't be humanity without the evil and the good. It is up to each of us to recognize our capacity for both in order to be healthy. For that is where the balance exists - between understanding where others come from and why they think the way they do. Only through balance can we achieve peace. For if we understand each other (through understanding ourselves), there is no discrimination, racism, hate, or prejudice - there is only the fragile balance that defines human nature and complete understanding amongst us all.

Kung Fu Update

Classes are going great! :) I've been trying to make it to 3 or 4 classes per week. I get a great feeling when I'm learning a few more moves to the forms I'm learning, refining what I've learned already, or even when I'm teaching others what I know :)

A lot of my perceptions about Kung Fu have changed since I started training. I originally wanted to go so I could learn Steel Fan (like Kitana from Mortal Kombat hehe :P), but there is so much more to know than just a weapon. I've learned that while the stuff you see with wirework in Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon isn't real, there are some incredible moves that are real and will make you think, "Wow! Someone came up with that?" (like the butterfly kick). I think it's amazing how some of the senior students have such incredible control over their own bodies - bodies that most of us just slop through our lives in versus actually experiencing, in all its possibilities, everyday.

I've learned that all power is just a redirection of power - that you can manipulate your opponents efforts into your own efforts. In a very real way, it's like the saying goes, "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade." Through Kung Fu, I begin to understand that you have the power to manipulate the circumstances in your life into something that you want your life to be. The hardest part about achieving your goals isn't actually reaching them, it's discovering and understanding how you can take the energies that are currently in play in your life and make them work for you. I think, because of this realization, I was able to land my great new job! :D

Being in Kung Fu has given me something to look forward to during the week. It's so many things wrapped in one: exercising, socializing, learning, teaching, training, disciplining yourself, thinking time, reflection time... and all the while, you're not only learning to defend yourself, you're also learning more about how your body and mind work. Kung Fu class is something that I appreciate with all my heart. I never wish I was somewhere else.

As you all know, I started Kung Fu about 6 weeks ago, a month after I was hospitalized from having my drink drugged at a club. I never suspected that someone could be so evil that they'd end up OD'ing me on date rape drugs and I would be sent to the emergency room coughing up blood and be put on life support for 2 days. After my close call with death, I started to really think about all the things I wanted to do in my life - things I could have possibly never had the chance to do if I had died in the hospital. It sounds funny to me now, but steel fan was one of them hehehe

I still remember feeling like a huge dork at my first class (I almost didn't go! But I'm really glad I did) I couldn't believe how much physical effort went into it all. I was so sore the next day that I couldn't even get out of bed - literally! My abs and thighs hurt so much! Walking up and down stairs after my first class had to be the most painful thing I've had to do in a long time. I still remember it was Matt who made me hold my horse stance for 30 seconds on my first day :P It was also nice that I had my first day with Roger, my partner in crime, so I could feel incompetent with someone else who felt my pain! hehehe :P

But I'm truly grateful for all the knowledge and experiences that my classmates bring to class. It is a joy to interact with all of them and it's nice to be part of a community as solid and friendly as The Harmonious Fist :) I also thank my Sifu for imparting his wisdom and knowledge to us all, for without him, none of this would be possible.

Right now, I've learned Limpo, the first 3 sets of Tan Tui, and am training with 2-section staff (even though I know I'm totally not ready for it :P) Not bad for 6 weeks, huh? ;)

Brand Loyalty

I'm not super picky or anal when ordering food or eating whatever is on my plate, but when I go food shopping, there are a few things I just won't compromise on or go without:

Sandwich Bread: Weber's Large - This has got to be the moistest bread available in the grocery store and the crust doesn't taste dry or crumbly. It's big enough for a deluxe sandwich and just the right size for a PB & J. All other breads are either dry, have crusts that need to be cut off, or get stale easily. Weber's Large never fails to satisfy and is a real bang for your buck! Plus, it comes in a cute gingham bag :P

Orange Juice: Tropicana, Low Acid, No Pulp - If you want a truly smooth OJ, go for this brand. It doesn't have the "bite" that its more acidic cousin has, which means less cramping and indigestion. I often have trouble getting a glass of normal OJ down quickly because it's so caustic. However, Low Acid goes down nice and smooth and it makes GREAT Screwdrivers!

Pasta and Pasta Sauce: Barilla - Any kind of Barilla product is sure to please. They don't stick together, and it doesn't have that starchy chewyness that a lot of other generic pastas have. It cooks well and some varieties come customized to hold more sauce! The Barilla sauces are awesome! - especially if you bake with them (i.e. lasagna, manicotti) They have a tomato flavor that's not tart like most others and they are naturally chunky.

TV Dinners: Marie Callender's - What more can be said about Marie Callender's TV dinners? They are the porsches of the frozen food section! Made with the best quality ingredients and the most generous portions, Marie Callender's satisfies even the heartiest and most discerning appetites. My personal faves are Chicken Cordon Bleu and Fettucine Alfredo with Chicken and Broccoli. While you can cook them in the microwave, they taste the best when prepared conventionally. This is as good as convenience food gets!

Mexican Food: Trader Joe's Beef Tamales - Forget the Mexican restaurant on the corner! You have to try these frozen wonders! Be sure not to overcook them though, as they will get tough! While microwaveable, they are best steamed! They have just the right spices and flavors along with a great cornmeal outside that all just melts in your mouth! Try them with some salsa!

Follow-the-directions-on-the-box Meal: Tuna Helper in Creamy Broccoli (w/ Chicken of the Sea White Albacore Tuna) - The easiest and best tasting thing you'll ever do. Combine some water, milk, butter, tuna, sauce mix and pasta - cover - wait 11 minutes - voila! Dinner! Seriously, you don't have to do anything with this box dinner. Even boys who have never touched a pan in their lives can prepare this with ease. PLUS, it tastes awesome! Be sure to use albacore canned tuna instead of the cheaper variety. Just think of all the other things you could be doing in the 11 minutes it takes for dinner to cook itself!

Sports Drink: Propel Fitness Water - When you're thirsting for liquids during a hard workout (like Kung Fu!) most sports drinks can be too sugary going down and actually choke you up later in your workout. Not Propel. Propel goes down and feels exactly like water. It does an excellent job of rehydrating you when you need it most. Plus, it nourishes your body with C, B, and E vitamins while still only coming in at 10 calories per 8 oz serving! What more could you want from a sports drink? You can get the giant 32 oz bottles at Wal-Mart for only $1! Lemon is probably the best flavor, although Strawberry Kiwi isn't bad either ;)

Well, that's all that I can think of right now. And now you know what I keep multiples of in my cupboard! I wonder what you guys can't do without? ;) Time to get ready for Kung Fu! And I'll be sure to bring along a Propel Fitness Water in Lemon! ;)

Do you hear what I hear?

Those of you who are reading this blog right now are part of a giant cultural revolution. Since the advent of blogging, many everyday people, like you and I, have taken to writing their thoughts down in blogs - personal journals accessible via the internet. It is here where people can speak out and have their voices heard on issues that range from politics to literature to rants and raves. Others are able to listen to what others have to say and respond with their own ideas. It is a web of opinions that grows increasingly more intricate and diverse.

Blogs give the average person the power to speak out without taking action. In the past, people's ideas were either relegated to personal diaries, coversations amongst acquaintances, or manifested themselves into political activism. Blogs allow those same ideas to reach a wider audience in a public setting and allows for no identification or action to be taken to have your voice heard.

The gift of blogging has taken our society into a new age where ideas and opinions can and will be heard, whether it's an influential politician or the old lady who works at the corner store. So, take a moment today and every day to say what it is you must say. Tell the people what it is you want them to hear because, right now, I hear the people's voices.

Why are books so wonderful?

Last nite, I picked my favorite book of all time, Memoirs of a Geisha by Arthur Golden, off the bookshelf and started reading chapter one. It was breathtaking. I was instantly transported into a different time and place and saw things through different eyes and emotions. I was amazed. I had forgotten what an immersive experience that book really is. Before picking up that book last nite, I hadn't read for pleasure since before the semester started. I really think college makes you hate reading. The last thing you want to do after reading textbook after textbook is strain your eyes more by reading for pleasure. Maybe that's just me.

Anyway, it made me wonder why more people don't read. Reading has something for everyone (and I mean everyone!) unlike mainstream TV and movies. It's so much more indelible than sitting and watching TV (except for MXC on Spike TV of course!) Books allow you to be someone else and "do" things you otherwise wouldn't do. I don't know... I'm just in such awe. I'm looking forward to reading more this holiday break :)

Here's a question: What's your All-Time-Favorite Book and why?

Why the Ice Queen loves teaching...

For people who don't know me very well (or at all), I come off as an icy bitch. I'm not very friendly. I'll scowl at people who stare at me. And I'll give the "Asian death stare" more times to one person in the mall than most asians do to everyone the whole week. I don't like being approached. I hate stupidity and ignorance. But worst of all, I'm jaded and don't think people deserve any credit for just being themselves. To me, you have to prove who you are; you don't just simply exist.

On the other hand, those who know me find me to be warm, sweet, compassionate, silly, playful, and intelligent. It's funny. Sometimes, I wonder how or why my friends got to be my friends in the first place if I'm so stand-offish to begin with. I once asked my guy friends if I was intimidating when they first met me. They all said they were scared of me (including my boyfriends!) Go figure... I guess I'm happy with the arrangement, though. I keep a very small circle of friends and I know all of them are there because not only are they good people, but they are real friends (meaning the guys don't want to get into my pants and the girls aren't out to fuck me over).

So why does the Ice Queen love teaching if she never smiles or laughs? Well, all that stuff I said earlier is reserved specifically for adults... I treat kids completely differently. Kids are open to learning - they thirst for knowledge. They haven't become true assholes - (they may be sensitive or needy, but they are not unbearable as long as you're willing to give them the attention that they desire). I really love teaching kids. It makes me happy to see them learn and get excited about learning. And it gives me a chance to be a role model, and all kids need good role models these days. I'm just glad I have a chance to impact these kids' lives in a positive way. :)

So, on Saturday, I went to teach lessons and the school I work at had a new student for me - a 5 y/o girl named Emma. Her dad came into the lesson to make sure things ran smoothly and I taught her how to handle and treat her instrument, hold the violin, and hold the bow - a lot for a 30 minute lesson! Anyway, I was teaching her to hold the violin using a pedagogical game called "Statue of Liberty" - Step 1 is where you hold the violin out in front of you like the Statue of Liberty holds her torch. So, here are some of the funniest moments:

Me: We're going to call this the Statue of Liberty! Do you know what the Statue of Liberty is?

Her: A statue. (Awwwwwwwwwwwwww. How freaking cute is that?!)

Me: *laughs* Yes, the Statue of Liberty IS a statue - very good! Do you know what the Statue of Liberty does? (I'm expecting a response like "holds a torch")

Her: Represents freedom. (WTF? She's 5 y/o! I was so amazed and surprised by this! LOL)

Me: Wow! That's a much deeper answer than I expected from a 5 y/o! Wow! You're so smart! I wish I could be as smart as you one day! :D

Her: *giggles*

Me: *referring back to the Statue of Liberty pose* So, who are you? (expecting "The Statue of Liberty")

Her: Emma.


How could you not be happy when you work with kids like this? :)

What. The. Fuck.

This is one of those times that's listed in my blog description as "Sometimes, you're just like WTF?" Please click here, turn up your volume, and... well... yeah.

Mmmm... Mandarin Oranges

Adam has me addicted to Dole's mandarin orange cups. Bastard! I eat like two of them a day... They are just so yummy! :D Lately, I've just been eating all this terrible (yet tasty) food. When I get stressed out, I eat. Ever since I took psych, I think I eat more because I now know that eating releases happy hormones in the brain. :) Mmmm... happy hormones... mmmm... brain. It's like I justify eating large quantities of food by saying, "Look at me! I'm so grumpy! If you let me eat this *insert 2-serving sized quantity of any junk food here*, then the happy hormones it will release into my brain are going to make it all better, ok?" But seriously, with finals week in its home stretch, Chili-Cheese Fritos and Fruit by the Foots couldn't taste any better! ;)

Speaking of which, I have my last final tonite! Yay! Then, it's all over! Just think... all I have to do is write 4 essays in 2 hours and I'm home free. "Freeeeeeeee! Freeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" (I just quoted Mel Brook's 'History of the World, Part 1' - If you haven't seen it, you have to... just so you know what I'm talking about :P) The countdown has begun... 6 hours, 12 minutes to annihilation of finals week! :D

In the midst of all this, I need to register for my classes next semester. I have no idea what I want to take... or what I'm SUPPOSED to take for that matter... Sometimes, I think I'll never graduate... *sigh* :(

I don't THINK I have a final right now...

What is wrong with me? I've been missing and forgetting about finals all week! On Monday, I woke up really late - like at noon. But I only did that because I didn't have a final all day. Monday was my day to relax and study and go grocery shopping. So, when I woke up, I was playing on the computer and then decided to grab all my class info and do a schedule of when all my finals were going to be: Anthro - Thursday 8PM, Bio - Thursday 8AM, Chamber Lit. - MONDAY 12:45??? HOLY SHIT! That's in like 15 minutes and I haven't even studied! Chamber Lit. was supposed to be on Wednesday at 12:45! I fucking put on clothes and ran out the door to go take an exam that I thought I had Monday and Tuesday to prepare for. The good news is that the stuff I knew, I totally knew. And the stuff I didn't know? I totally didn't know. Thank God I knew more of the stuff I knew than the stuff I didn't know! So, that was the story of my first final (nice start to the week, eh?) At least I don't have a final on Wednesday anymore :P

On Tuesday nite, I had a final in my Psych 352 class at 8pm. So, I woke up at 1 and just studied and studied. In between cram sessions, I would play with my nunchukas. Dude, those things are so dangerous! I am sore all over! I've hit my hip, my elbows... everything! I'm so surprised I'm not all bruised up! Anyway, around 7:30, I decided to head to class to grab a seat early and get settled before the test began. I thought I was being sneaky because the class enrollment is bigger than the class itself so a lot of people have to steal chairs from other classrooms or sit on the floor. When I got there, I looked through the little window in the door, and everyone was already taking the test! OMG! The final started at 7, not 8! I was almost an hour late! :o So, I had to go steal a desk from another classroom and piss everyone off by pulling it into the room and getting all my shit out... I mean... OMG... Could anything else go wrong this finals week? And, like the title says, I don't THINK I have a final right now... :P

How Badass Am I?

I went to Kung Fu last nite and upon arrival, my Sifu presented me with my first weapon! :) I am now the proud owner of a 2-section staff (otherwise known as nunchukas) :D They are made of a hard wood and have 7 steel links connecting them to each other. I'm so happy my Sifu entrusted me with these weapons. However, he said if I dropped them under any circumstance that he'd take them away from me and I wouldn't be allowed to train with them ever again. Hmnn, I think I'll glue them to my hand :P

A whole bunch of people got weapons yesterday, but interestingly enough, a bunch of people got different ones - even people I had started with and had as much experience as I had. So, the other weapons some students got were Katas and Escrima sticks. I like to think that the 2-section staff is the most advanced weapon of all 3 of them and the most difficult to master. People told me to cover my teeth with my lips because I'll take out teeth if I don't concentrate! Ouch! I'm not so concerned with my teeth right now. I hit myself in the back of the head, and I hit myself several times in the boob! :( Thank God I have implants. Otherwise, I think I would have been on the floor crying. These things are durable damnit! :D hehehe

For some reason, I got totally wiped out after doing some Lim Po. We had just finished a set and we were about to start another one when I started blacking out and feeling like the life force was being sucked out of me. My heart felt like it was going to explode in my chest. I almost fell down. I had to go sit down and was so embarrassed :( I don't know what happened. I've done some very demanding work in that class before and things like this have never happened. Maybe it's the stress from finals. Maybe it was all the sugary drinks I had before class. Maybe I have diabetes or something. Who knows? :|

My 5th game and my first final

Over the weekend, I picked up Super Monkey Ball 2 for my new Gamecube :) It was only $20. So, I was like, "What they hey?" Now my guests for this Friday's party will have an extra game to play! :D But, I'll doubt we stop playing Super Mario Party 4 and Super Smash Bros Melee! :P I still want Soul Caliber 2 for Gamecube, Super Mario Party 5 and Super Mario Party 6, Mario Extreme Tennis (I think that's what it's called), Pokemon Colloseum, and Pikmin 2 ;) I'm a gaming fanatic! I swear! I can't stop! :D

Well, I was going to write about my first final... but I think I'm going to go play Gamecube instead :P hehehe Have a good Monday! I know I will ;)

Valley Girls and Hospitals

I was talking on the phone with Adam for the first time last nite, and he told me I have a Valley Girl accent. He tells me I say "like" and "totally" and "ohmigawd" a lot. This is true. The funny thing is that, these days, I really live in the Valley :P Everyone always asks me if I was born here or if I grew up here because I apparently have such a thick Valley accent which is interesting because I was born in Chicago and grew up in San Diego... Where my Valley accent came from, I dunno. I guess I was always meant to end up in the Valley... like some sort of weird homecoming... a reuniting with my homeland hehehe :P I had a choice to go to Ohio or New York or Northern California for college... but what did I do? Yup, go to the Valley... Sometimes, I wonder if that was the best choice, but then I say to myself: "Like, ohmigawd! Totally!" hehehe ;)

So, last night, I left the sanctuary of the Valley to make a trip down to San Diego because I had a meeting at 7:30 AM with the MediCal guy at the hospital where I was hospitalized a couple months ago. 7 freaking 30 AM in the morning... OMG... I don't think I'll ever recover... The worst part was I had a class from 7-10pm last nite and then had to drive my ass 3 hours down. Then, when I got here, I was so hungry! So, I picked up my sister and we went to a Denny's... Thank God for Denny's! :D

Anyway, I went to the hospital this morning and on the way, I passed by my old hospital room and I dunno what came over me but I started to feel really heavy inside. Like, I started to think, "OMG, I could have died 2 months ago!" It was like this after-the-fact epiphany. I guess living in Los Angeles, where life is so fast-paced and everything happens on a schedule, we forget just the fact that we're here and we're able to pursue whatever we wish. I appreciate the fact that I'm alive and able to share my thoughts with my blogger friends :) I appreciate the opportunity to drive down to San Diego and back up to LA within 12 hours. I appreciate all the love and support I've received throughout the years. So thank you to all of you who read and thank you to all those who care. :) I'm glad I'm able to share my life with you. Also, please send your best wishes to Mel and her family in their time of need. Thank you :)

I'm a N.I.T.

That means Nina-In-Training... I woke up at 8:30 this morning to make 40 homemade creampuffs from scratch for my work's holiday party. I finished them at 11:10! That's like 2 hours and 40 minutes of creampuffery in the making! While that's no 400 truffles or anything, I'm working on it ;) I'm proud to say I'm a full-fledged Nina-In-Training hehehe :P I have to make these fuckers for my Kung Fu holiday party on the 11th... except then, I have to make 80! *sigh*

The kewl part about making the homemade creampuffs was all the compliments I received. One person said that it "tasted like the holidays" to which another person broke down into "30% Xmas, 30% Hannukah, 30% Kwaanza, and 10% other..." lol They really do taste like the holidays! The secret ingredient is nutmeg :) It makes everything taste holiday-ish... kinda like vocal jazz ;)

Anyway, I played 4 more hours of Mario Party 4 by myself today. I'm bent on winning all the stupid things you can collect by finishing the games. I've noticed that Gamecube games center around collecting stupid little trophies. I'm only collecting them because I'm sure you get some kind of special thing at the end of the game... like an extra bonus stage or something... maybe I should check a walkthrough or something.