Destruction - Dreams - Denial

Destruction - A few nights ago, I tore my bedroom apart in my place. I remember waking up (but not really waking up - just noticing my body as if it were an out of body experience) and I saw myself punching and kicking. I woke up to an overturned bookcase, overturned dresser, and the mattress was on the other side of the room. I had no idea what had happened. For a second, I thought someone was in my apartment.

Dreams - The night after the night tantrum, I had a very vivid dream. Adam was there, and he was looking for me so he could ask for my help with something. We melded together and became this big entity of infinite power. We spent the rest of the dream going back and forth about the pros and cons of an issue. It seemed like we were deciding something very important - something about the existence on humanity and whether or not they should exist. I woke up feeling at peace but needing to analyze what it was all about. I was unsettled.

Denial - Yesterday, I started thinking about humanity and how people have such a large degree of self-interest that guides their existence. I became sad that there were people like gold-diggers or home wreckers. I even started getting mad at anthropological films where the U.S. government forced people off their lands in order to make more money - homes these people have lived in for generations. I started to doubt my own efforts to help others and be a good person. Why should I if it doesn't matter? I was angry that my ideal vision of reality wasn't real.

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Analysis of Destruction - With Chris' help, I realized that to know great good was to know great evil. One of the reasons why I was sad was because I had to admit that many people do bad things, and that everyone has the capacity to be incredibly evil, even me. This is my explanation for the night tantrum. I felt so destructive because I was acknowledging the capacity for destructive evil inside of me. It scared me.

Analysis of Dreams - Adam represents someone who is the piece that completes me. We are both made of good and bad... except his good traits are different than my good traits and my bad traits differ from his bad traits. Together, I feel we complete this sphere of feelings, emotions, and thoughts that humanity has. This is why we were discussing the pros and cons of humanity, because we represented it in entirety. That's why we became the single entity in the dream.

Analysis of Denial - People have as much capacity for destruction as they do for building (analysis of destruction), and humanity is made up of many parts with different ways to deal with their experiences and are attatched by fragile and thin bonds (analysis of dreams). Yes, society may be filled with many immoral people, but it's also filled with people who enrich those around them and therein lies the balance. Without people who want to help others directly (like me) or people who demand retribution for the immoral (like Adam), there is no good - no balance. Although they are different ways of enriching the world, they are the same.

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Last Words - Humanity wouldn't be humanity without the evil and the good. It is up to each of us to recognize our capacity for both in order to be healthy. For that is where the balance exists - between understanding where others come from and why they think the way they do. Only through balance can we achieve peace. For if we understand each other (through understanding ourselves), there is no discrimination, racism, hate, or prejudice - there is only the fragile balance that defines human nature and complete understanding amongst us all.