Income VS Expenses

After doing many calculations, I've finally realized that I expend more more money than I take in. Currently, I go to school full time and work 2 part time jobs. My job's pay varies from month to month because I teach music lessons and tutor freshman composition classes and my paychecks for both jobs are distributed monthly, which means 2 paychecks per month. Currently, I'm making more money than I have in the past. However, I'll be experiencing a HUGE dry spell from May 10th through June 21st because the group classes I teach at the music school (my main source of income) will be cut off because of the recital season. Therefore, I'll be making 50% of what I'm pulling in now.

The other half of this equation includes my expenses which include my 1 bedroom apartment and utilities which totals $830 a month, food and gas which comes in at $350 a month, and then there are my "extravangances" which include my cell phone, toiletries, etc... which weigh in at around $280 a month. Grand total? $1,460 each and every month for me to live the lifestyle that I do. Is this just insane and unnecessary? Do other people need $1,460 every month to live?

My income comes in at just above this. Group classes at the music school total in at $165 a week, I make $120 a week teaching private lessons, and my tutoring job brings in $60 a week. Add in occassional lessons and random students and gigs, and I make a maximum of $1,575 a month, which is just $115 above my expenses.

However, that is cutting it close for me. I am seriously thinking about getting a roommate to cut my expenses by $375. I have a 1 bedroom apartment. So, I could convert the living room into a bedroom, but then I'd have a whole lot of extra furniture that I can hopefully give to Chris. So, if I get a roomie, I'll be making almost $500 more than my expenses which allows me a savings account as well as emergency funds. It's the only solution I've come up with. Well, that and prostitution... I probably wouldn't do too badly with that. After all, I can deepthroat you and lick your balls at the same time... ;)

Just kidding, Chris. :P

I'm Pregnant

I can't believe it. Chris and I had an amazing time together this past weekend. We watched movies, ate Cinnabons, kissed, licked, sucked, and fucked. It was incredible. But as I was driving home on Sunday nite, I was feeling so low energy! I could hardly hold the wheel. I thought I was going to pass out. I ended up making it home, got ready for bed, called Chris to exchange our goodnites, and went to bed.

This morning, I slept through my alarm, was late to class, and have been headachey all day. I've just been so lethargic! My friend joked that I might be pregnant. And at first, I laughed. But then I thought about it. We didn't use a condom, and I missed my pill a couple days ago. Could it be possible? I left work right away and headed to a drugstore to get a pregnancy test.

So, now I'm here in front of the computer with my pregnancy test in my hand. To all my family and blogger friends: I'm pregnant! :D I'm really pregnant! Chris, you're going to be a Daddy! :) I love you, Baby! :D

Stigma

I've realized that there's a stigma attatched to romantic relationships. You expect it to honestly be romantic, full of romance. And it's that side of us in a relationship that gets caught up in wanting the ideal romantic partner. We'll complain, communicating our dissatisfaction, and we'll even try to change the person we're with only to bend them into what we believe we want. We want it to be like the movies. We want it to be all the best times and none of the worst. That's the side of our relationships which always wants more and is never satiated. This is the side that doesn't want to compromise. Our perfect version of a relationship is just that: perfect. Why should anything else be otherwise?

Then, there is the side of the relationship that consists of just friendship. Whatever you do, you enjoy each other's company and you're with them because you genuinely enjoy them. You don't want to change them; they come as they are. This side consists of caring just for the genuine sake of caring. There is nothing you can get back out of the friendship except seeing the other person happy, which, in turn, makes you happy. There's no greed, no expectations. We give because we truly want to, and because it satisfies us as people. It's the side of us that has no ego, no pride. It makes us say, "We're in this together."

It's never the romantic side that gets couples through hard times; it's the friendship, the caring. When you shush someone from crying, it's your love for them as a friend that makes you not want to see them in pain. When you want to see their side of the argument, it's your friendship that makes you want to understand them. All this and more... that's what keeps couples together for the long haul, not the sex or the praise that comes from mimicking movies and fantasies of the ideal relationship. It's the friendship. What pulls couples apart is the greed caused by the pursuance of the ideal romance. Ironically, it's the pursuance of the sex and the praise.

So, how do you function in a relationship with these two, very different forces at play? I don't have the answers; I'm still trying to figure things out for myself. Maybe we need to concentrate more on the connections we have with others rather than the roles that we want people to fill in our lives. Spend more time with the people in front of you than those who might be, far into the future. Let your loved ones know what you think is right and not wrong. And make sure to observe more, and judge less.

Chris' Accident and my Retarded Weekend

Last week (I think it was Wednesday), Chris got into a really bad car accident. When he called me, he sounded more angry than he sounded injured. Apparently, this 80 y/o woman ran a red light while he was making a protected left turn (green arrow) and totally smashed his brand new, red, '05 Mustang. When I first heard about it, I thought it was a minor accident. Then, On Friday nite, he sent me these multimedia text messages of pics he took with his phone of his car at the shop. I was like WTF? If you want to see what happened, go to www.viewmymessage.com and enter in Message ID: F1QH4Z1WD and password: Peat4Clap

Apparently, she hit his car, and then his car did a 180 from the impact to the passenger side of his car and spun around only to get hit AGAIN on the driver's side of his car! He was actually bleeding from the accident :( He couldn't get out of his car either. Firefighters had to come to the scene to cut him out of his car. Poor baby :( Now he's feeling the pain of whiplash and his back is out of whack because the adrenaline and state of shock have worn off.

On a different note, I attended 6 concerts this weekend. It's maddening trying to sit there for 2 hours straight, several times a day while having no one there to talk to! Thank god they had receptions afterwards. Otherwise, I would have not only starved, but also I would have screamed from the insanity that not socializing with other people for an entire day can bring. I love reception food! I had shrimp cocktail, spring rolls, baklava, some really good cheeses, and awesome chocolate covered strawberries! One interesting fact: The musical, Carousel, is an interesting social commentary on domestic violence. I hope everyone else had better weekends than Chris and I had. :P

Survey

Chris thinks I'm weird. Let me explain. He says I think and feel things that other women don't necessarily think and feel. For example, I absolutely love it when he touches, holds, grabs, massages, licks, or interacts with my breasts in any way possible. The reason being that I had a boobjob in July of 2004 and he was there with me during the consultations, went with me the morning of surgery and stayed until I was released and then proceeded to take off work for 3 weeks and nurse me back to health (in other words, helping me pee, running to the store for more Capri Suns, and reading me my favorite novels).

Because of this, I find it incredibly romantic and loving whenever he plays with them or holds them. He thinks this is weird and that other women would feel objectified. But for some reason, I perceive it as being romantic, as a sign that he truly loves me, not just acting on sexual urges. Is this weird?

I also think that when we have anal sex and he puts himself into me that it's a bonding experience because he'll hold me and just leave it in me without thrusting or moving around. Sometimes, we'll fall asleep like that or just lay and talk with him inside me. Somehow, anal sex is so much more personal than regular intercourse, and when we do it, it's like a pact of love and trust because you have to trust each other not to hurt one another. Hence, I also think that anal sex is romantic and is a sign of trust and love. Is this weird?

Anyway, I really want to hear what you guys think. Chris thinks I'm a freakazoid. Come on, blogging buddies. Back your friendly, neighborhood Asian up! ;)

NEWS FLASH

After being in a relationship with Chris for two years and having been lied to about being second best when it comes to giving head, Chris has finally admitted that I give the best head that he's ever had. He has even disclosed that he's been lying to me about whether or not I give the best head he's ever had for a very long time because he "didn't want me to get a swelled head". Little did he know that just knowing I give him the best head he's ever had makes me want to give him head even more! So, having reclaimed my rightful throne, I can now die happy. Thank you. :)

- Quyen the Reporter

Realizations and Regrets

After reading YB's post about what you should do if you care about someone but things just aren't working, I started thinking of my past. I've been on the other side of that equation many times. Men have always had a way with falling in love with me (or having strong affections for me). I'm not sure why this is since I'm not a supermodel or a super genius or the sweetest person on Earth. All in all, I'd say I'm just average or slightly above average. However, guys find something in me that is irresistable, even if I'm disinterested or being stand-offish. This leads to a lot of guys falling in love with me before I've had a chance to fall in love with them.

Needless to say, this situation leads to power imbalances and things start to "not work out". But the guy I'm with still cares for me. So, he should cut his losses and leave, right? Well, most of them did not, and a situation created itself in which things did not change for me and they lived a life where they were always searching for my affection and care. That's a life that nobody should have to live. I wish they had left to find something better. Maybe then would I have learned that being selfish and letting people fall hopelessly in love with you and giving nothing in return is not okay.

And that's what it comes down to. I was just very selfish when I was young. I expected to be courted and taken care of in every way imaginable: emotionally, intellectually, physically, financially, etc. I even treated Chris in the same way during the first part of our relationship. But it was through my relationship with him now that I realized that a relationship takes two sets of hands to row the boat.

In some ways, I have finally realized what it's like to be on the other side of the equation, where you care for someone so much that even when things aren't going well, you want nothing more in the world to make things better between you. Finally, I understand what my ex's have felt like. I just wish that I had been a better person back then and was able to either give back equally or tell them to go.

Protect Me

I have been too close to the fire,
singeing my black-already hair.
The ash blends perfectly into
my glossy, thick tresses.

My tears have not washed away
the soot from my face.
If anyone asks,
I'll tell them I smeared
my mascara.

They cannot see the grit that lies underneath
my painted fingernails.

Only you know that I wasn't
at the beauty parlor today,
but instead,
fighting fires, saving what I could.

I wish you had prepared a bath for me,
so I could wash the ash from my hair and reapply
my makeup.

But you never knew it was you
who prepared me for tomorrow.

Need Skincare Advice!

So, I went for my second laser hair removal treatment yesterday. I had on this cream anesthetic that made my mouth feel numb for like 4 hours (I swear I had an invisible muzzle on). Anyway, it still hurt like shit, but I went up 3 joules (that's energy, folks) in the power of the laser for this session. I'm really hoping this laser hair removal thing really works. Otherwise, I laid down $400 for nothing :(

At my session, I inquired about this "amazing skincare line" that she touted last time I was there. The line is called Skin Ceuticals and claims that they combine skincare with science. She sent me home with a $20 sample of serum and a giant pamphlet, the color of a box of tampons. The literature is really interesting and seems to really work. However, I asked her how much it would be to start up on the skincare line and she said $300! So now, I'm looking at this Skin Ceuticals stuff like it's an investment! Crazy! That's like $1200 a year for skincare! Has anyone else heardof, used, or seen this stuff? Any suggestions for other product lines that are effective and may work?

On the upside, I asked her if she would do Botox on me and she turned me away saying, "You have beautiful skin! Why are you thinking of getting Botox? How old are you? 21? You are way too young to be considering those kinds of options. If you start Botox while you're young, it may become an addiction. I'd rather have you be addicted to chocolate; it's healthier and less expensive. Get Botox out of your head and just get a good skincare line to preserve your natural beauty." Then she turned to a coworker and said, "Can you believe her? Women would kill to have her skin!" Needless to say, I walked away relieved and happy :)

Bride of Frankenstein

Last nite, Chris and I finally went out to eat after reading, sleeping, and working (each other :P) all day long ;) We ended up going to Romano's Macaroni Grill, which neither of us has ever been before. The decor was totally super-cute! :D Like a little bistro/cafe meets Italian red brick oven. It featured cute (but tiny) booths stocked with extra-virgin olive oil and balsamic vinegar, butcher paper tablecloths, and amazing house bread with the sweetness of fresh rosemary baked right in! :D The actual entree portions were huge (about 3 medium servings) and the tastes were so complex and robust that I'm sure a nice wine would have gone well with them (even though I hate wine - wine makes me drunk in no time flat :P hehe) Anyway, you guys have to try it! :)

When it was time for me to leave, Chris drove me to my car which was parked a block away along a busy street. I got inside and put the key in the ignition and turned it. Nothing. No power, no dashboard lights, no headlights, not even emergency blinkers. I turned to Chris and gave him a "help me!" look as he drove away, probably thinking my look of despair really meant "I'll miss you!" :( So, I called him back and we got the jumper cables out and everything...

I told him to start the car and keep it running and I'd start my car and when it was running, I'd go out and take the jumper cables off. Well, my car started and I got out of my car and started taking the clamps off his battery. After I got them off, I went to my car to take the other ones off. However, I couldn't do that while I was holding the other cables. So, I put them both in one hand. OMG. If you could have seen the sparks that flew! I thought I was going to die in some fiery electric storm. I totally forgot that you're not supposed to let positive touch negative! hehehe oops. :P Anyway, I'm fine, but I thought I was going to be a roasted chicken there for awhile. All in all, lesson learned: 1) Don't let positive touch negative and 2) let your boyfriend jumpstart your car for you ;)

P.S. I asked Chris what he would do if I died right there on the street and he said he'd drive me to the graveyard and dump me in the grass. Nice boyfriend, huh? :P hehehe