Self Worth for Dummies, Part II

well, if you're going to read this, you might as well read this.

Moving right along...

The obese girl has learned "learned helplessness" (like the baby elephant), the idea that she must change in order to be "normal", or some combination of both of these things. At the root of these feelings is the idea that they are inadequate. "If I lose weight, people will like me more." "No one likes me because I'm fat." These are statements where feelings of inadequacy prevail and thus, lends to a desire to prove something to others or oneself. "I'll show them. I'll lose weight and then they'll see I'm just like them." "There's no use in trying to be friendly. It never works anyway." In one case, the person feels inadequate and wants to prove to others that they are, in fact, adequate. In the other, the person feels inadequate but feels helpless to effect change. So, feelings of inadequacy lend themself to the need to prove something to others or oneself.

Therein lies the vicious cycle. The person trying to lose weight is only feeding the idea that she is not okay how she is - lack of self-worth. The person who doesn't see the sense in trying has accepted that there is something wrong with her - lack of self-worth. And if the person has a mix of these feelings, then they're in serious trouble. But you see, the more the person tries to lose weight, the more they tell themself that being how they are is not acceptable. And the more the person accepts that there is nothing they can do can change her situation, the more they will tell themself that there's something inherently wrong with who they are. It's a vicious cycle, and it's hard to get out of... But there is a way...

People need to accept that they are okay just the way they are. They have to know for themselves that who and what they are is acceptable. They have to let go of the feelings of inadequacy through deciding not to try to prove themselves. One of the things I realized was that I was always trying to be better to prove to someone else that I was good enough, smart enough, fast enough, skinny enough, sexy enough, kind enough, etc... And as long as I tried, I was telling myself that who I was was never going to be adequate.

It was my fault that I felt this way because I should have seen that who I am is acceptable and enough for me... and that is all that matters. I learned that I don't need the approval of other people to know that I'm good enough, because I am. I discovered that if someone doesn't believe that you are adequate enough, then that's their problem. If they don't think that you are adequate just the way you are, then that's not a relationship you need to have, whether it's your boss, your friend, or your wife.

So, to the obese girl, I would say, "You're okay just the way you are. If they don't think so, then that's their problem. As long as you're okay with yourself, then that's perfectly fine. Stop caring what other people think. Do things because you want them for you, not because you are trying to please someone else. You have no obligation to anyone but yourself." :)