AIM gems

SweetAsianRain: Chris... can I tell u something?
Hiro Yui 2001: yes
SweetAsianRain: In a lot of ways, I feel like I'm Jenni... that I can't follow through... and sometimes... to overcompensate that fear... I would follow things just to prove to myself that I could do it... and sometimes to please others... that's what I was writing about in my blog... sometimes I do just want to act like a Jenni... sometimes I just want to see what's out there... but I think I've got it... I think I understand why Jenni is so scared to commit to one thing... maybe she doesn't feel like if she follows through with all of her heart, like she'll fail... like her relationships... like she won't give herself up to the relationship because if she fails she can fall back on the fact that it wasn't her fault...
SweetAsianRain: and in that same way... it's like... I want to put my heart in this... to really give it my all... but what if I fail? What if I put myself in this 100%... and then it fails... I think my fear is then that no one will pick me up... no one will be there to say "hey, it's ok that you trying was enough and I'm proud of you for that" because no one has ever said that trying was ever enough... no one has ever said that loving someone was ever enough... you have to do things... you have to make sure it's more than just effort... you have to make sure it succeeds... and most of all that u have something to show for it... well, maybe I won't be able to show anything for this... maybe it's okay if I fail... maybe it's okay for someone to love you and not have to show anything for it... maybe that's just what I want right now... me... myself
SweetAsianRain: :'(
Hiro Yui 2001: It is okay to fail.
and, I think you understand in what context that's possible.
If you've given it your all, who can fault you for that?
Not, anyone, or even you.
And that's what I like about pouring myself 100% into things.
I know that at the end, if failure comes about, it's not for lack of trying; it's not for lack of heart.
No regrets, you know?.
Hiro Yui 2001: If anything, I think I would be amazingly proud of you just for even trying.
Even now, I'm proud of my little Quyen
Hiro Yui 2001: I'm just trying to look out for you because I know how you've felt about failure in the past, or planning so many things.
SweetAsianRain: I know sweetie... I just need people to say that more... "It's ok if you're not strong and amazing... it's okay if you let us down... we love you for who you are... not what you bring to our lives"... Thanks Chris :-) You're sweet... I love you :-) I hope we're together through everything
Hiro Yui 2001: Quyen, you bring so much to my life because of who you are.
That's why I struggle so much with myself when I don't feel as though I'm doing enough to take care of you, when I don't feel I know how.
SweetAsianRain: Chris, you take care of me more than I take care of myself sometimes... that's why I really feel like I can try... like I can do it... you give me the support and love I need to carry through with my plans... I don't think that if you weren't here with me... that I would have the inner strength to try... but I do... and you give that to me by being there and taking care of me and loving me and thinking of me... I can't even say how much you mean to me and how much you are to me... I can only let you know in the little ways... everyday... upon waking with a smile... or holding hands while arguing... ur lasting... and you make me so happy that I can share your life with you :-)
Hiro Yui 2001: weeple weeple :-)
SweetAsianRain: :-) I love you very very much
SweetAsianRain: <-------wishes she could hug you right about now
Hiro Yui 2001: I do too
ah due too-too