A Procrastinating Life - A Life Procrastinating

I love those... you can do it to almost anything... you say something, turn it around, and then it takes on a whole new meaning! Try it! The Stream of Consciousness - The Consciousness of Streams :P Pretty kewl, huh? ;) Anyway, I taught today, played a concert and even did some work on developing my plans for the future... So, I guess that's where tonite's title comes from... Do u ever feel like you procrastinate so much that it's a dominant trend in your life? Maybe you do it so much that instead of trading off studying for, say, video games, you're trading it for life. Sometimes, I get lost in feeling so hopeful for what's ahead, and then hopelessness takes over and makes me feel like whatever I do won't be enough to affect change... almost like I lack the talent or the intelligence to really change my destiny... or maybe it's my will...

I do like working on my theories... it helps me realize how much I do know and, even moreso, how much I still want to know... but sometimes this feeling like I've done nothing with my life... like this chain of accomplishments I've made in life somehow don't connect... like they are scattered... and it makes me feel like I haven't applied myself... as a jack-of-all-trades and a master of none... A friend of mine told me yesterday that he will be taking a professor position on the east coast... I remember when I thought I wanted nothing more than to be a college music professor... then again, at different points in my life, I wanted nothing more than to be a comic book artist, a novelist, a poet, a viola soloist, a psychologist, even a psychic! So, maybe you can see how I've spread myself out over the years... devoting myself to writing, helping others, music, psychicism, and drawing (I was so serious, I even had a drafting table!) I think most people don't realize that deep inside this focused and steadfast woman lies a very spontaneous and inquisitive little girl who just wants to sit around all day in the garden smelling the roses and making mud pies... in other words, take the time to appreciate what catches my interest and be able to have fun and not be embarassed about doing something that seems... well... useless... So, now... I am again on the road (after a small stint of rose-smelling and mud-pie-makery) toward my future... The sun is shining now and I can see success on the horizon... the only question is... how many more roses are on the way?