www.areyoukiddingme.com

My New Home

2005-05-17T14:52:00.000-07:00

I took Grace's advice and started a new blog! :D Please update all of your links and bookmarks ;)

I'm no longer at sweetasianrain.blogspot.com.

Now, I'm at http://HOTasianrain.blogspot.com :P

I'm still getting everything fixed up, but I already have a special present waiting for all of my loyal readers. Enjoy! ;)

I'm single!

2005-05-16T11:49:00.000-07:00

That's right. Chris and I broke up. I think that about says it all. I won't go into the details, but I will say that it is a mutually recognized breakup (so as not to paint a "good guy/bad guy" picture).

Chris, please adhere to the blogging breakup rules we set in this post.
My apologies to my blogging community for not having posted in such a long time. As you can see, things have been somewhat hectic. I have two more weeks of school and then it should be back to my regularly scheduled program. :)

Super Mommy to the Rescue!

2005-05-03T13:27:00.000-07:00

So, after not talking to my mother for over 2 months, I called her and apologized (but only because Mother's Day was coming up, and I didn't want to just not show up). In case you don't know, we stopped talking because she promised to take care of Toasty and then, behind my back, she tried to give her away on Craigslist! Oh, I was so pissed that I nabbed her up from San Diego the very day I heard about it. Then, I left a nasty message about how I felt so betrayed by her, and that I couldn't believe she broke her promise to me.

Anyway, we're talking again just like nothing ever happened. I'm sure when she sees me that she'll throw up after seeing all my split ends (she cuts my hair and does it better than 98% of all hairstylists can - another reason why I wanted to makeup with her). I told her about my financial troubles and how finals week is in just 3 weeks and how I've been stressing out. She offered to pay me back the $3K I lent her and also give me my cashed in life insurance policy. So, I'm so happy because I can continue to keep living the lifestyle I am living and not worry too much about money. For awhile there, I thought she spent my money to get back at me for being mean to her. Yay! No more financial stress! And no more weird roomie coming to live with me ;)

Income VS Expenses

2005-04-27T13:39:00.000-07:00

After doing many calculations, I've finally realized that I expend more more money than I take in. Currently, I go to school full time and work 2 part time jobs. My job's pay varies from month to month because I teach music lessons and tutor freshman composition classes and my paychecks for both jobs are distributed monthly, which means 2 paychecks per month. Currently, I'm making more money than I have in the past. However, I'll be experiencing a HUGE dry spell from May 10th through June 21st because the group classes I teach at the music school (my main source of income) will be cut off because of the recital season. Therefore, I'll be making 50% of what I'm pulling in now.

The other half of this equation includes my expenses which include my 1 bedroom apartment and utilities which totals $830 a month, food and gas which comes in at $350 a month, and then there are my "extravangances" which include my cell phone, toiletries, etc... which weigh in at around $280 a month. Grand total? $1,460 each and every month for me to live the lifestyle that I do. Is this just insane and unnecessary? Do other people need $1,460 every month to live?

My income comes in at just above this. Group classes at the music school total in at $165 a week, I make $120 a week teaching private lessons, and my tutoring job brings in $60 a week. Add in occassional lessons and random students and gigs, and I make a maximum of $1,575 a month, which is just $115 above my expenses.

However, that is cutting it close for me. I am seriously thinking about getting a roommate to cut my expenses by $375. I have a 1 bedroom apartment. So, I could convert the living room into a bedroom, but then I'd have a whole lot of extra furniture that I can hopefully give to Chris. So, if I get a roomie, I'll be making almost $500 more than my expenses which allows me a savings account as well as emergency funds. It's the only solution I've come up with. Well, that and prostitution... I probably wouldn't do too badly with that. After all, I can deepthroat you and lick your balls at the same time... ;)

Just kidding, Chris. :P

I'm Pregnant

2005-04-25T15:12:00.000-07:00

I can't believe it. Chris and I had an amazing time together this past weekend. We watched movies, ate Cinnabons, kissed, licked, sucked, and fucked. It was incredible. But as I was driving home on Sunday nite, I was feeling so low energy! I could hardly hold the wheel. I thought I was going to pass out. I ended up making it home, got ready for bed, called Chris to exchange our goodnites, and went to bed.

This morning, I slept through my alarm, was late to class, and have been headachey all day. I've just been so lethargic! My friend joked that I might be pregnant. And at first, I laughed. But then I thought about it. We didn't use a condom, and I missed my pill a couple days ago. Could it be possible? I left work right away and headed to a drugstore to get a pregnancy test.

So, now I'm here in front of the computer with my pregnancy test in my hand. To all my family and blogger friends: I'm pregnant! :D I'm really pregnant! Chris, you're going to be a Daddy! :) I love you, Baby! :D

Stigma

2005-04-20T13:12:00.000-07:00

I've realized that there's a stigma attatched to romantic relationships. You expect it to honestly be romantic, full of romance. And it's that side of us in a relationship that gets caught up in wanting the ideal romantic partner. We'll complain, communicating our dissatisfaction, and we'll even try to change the person we're with only to bend them into what we believe we want. We want it to be like the movies. We want it to be all the best times and none of the worst. That's the side of our relationships which always wants more and is never satiated. This is the side that doesn't want to compromise. Our perfect version of a relationship is just that: perfect. Why should anything else be otherwise?

Then, there is the side of the relationship that consists of just friendship. Whatever you do, you enjoy each other's company and you're with them because you genuinely enjoy them. You don't want to change them; they come as they are. This side consists of caring just for the genuine sake of caring. There is nothing you can get back out of the friendship except seeing the other person happy, which, in turn, makes you happy. There's no greed, no expectations. We give because we truly want to, and because it satisfies us as people. It's the side of us that has no ego, no pride. It makes us say, "We're in this together."

It's never the romantic side that gets couples through hard times; it's the friendship, the caring. When you shush someone from crying, it's your love for them as a friend that makes you not want to see them in pain. When you want to see their side of the argument, it's your friendship that makes you want to understand them. All this and more... that's what keeps couples together for the long haul, not the sex or the praise that comes from mimicking movies and fantasies of the ideal relationship. It's the friendship. What pulls couples apart is the greed caused by the pursuance of the ideal romance. Ironically, it's the pursuance of the sex and the praise.

So, how do you function in a relationship with these two, very different forces at play? I don't have the answers; I'm still trying to figure things out for myself. Maybe we need to concentrate more on the connections we have with others rather than the roles that we want people to fill in our lives. Spend more time with the people in front of you than those who might be, far into the future. Let your loved ones know what you think is right and not wrong. And make sure to observe more, and judge less.

Chris' Accident and my Retarded Weekend

2005-04-18T08:32:00.000-07:00

Last week (I think it was Wednesday), Chris got into a really bad car accident. When he called me, he sounded more angry than he sounded injured. Apparently, this 80 y/o woman ran a red light while he was making a protected left turn (green arrow) and totally smashed his brand new, red, '05 Mustang. When I first heard about it, I thought it was a minor accident. Then, On Friday nite, he sent me these multimedia text messages of pics he took with his phone of his car at the shop. I was like WTF? If you want to see what happened, go to www.viewmymessage.com and enter in Message ID: F1QH4Z1WD and password: Peat4Clap

Apparently, she hit his car, and then his car did a 180 from the impact to the passenger side of his car and spun around only to get hit AGAIN on the driver's side of his car! He was actually bleeding from the accident :( He couldn't get out of his car either. Firefighters had to come to the scene to cut him out of his car. Poor baby :( Now he's feeling the pain of whiplash and his back is out of whack because the adrenaline and state of shock have worn off.

On a different note, I attended 6 concerts this weekend. It's maddening trying to sit there for 2 hours straight, several times a day while having no one there to talk to! Thank god they had receptions afterwards. Otherwise, I would have not only starved, but also I would have screamed from the insanity that not socializing with other people for an entire day can bring. I love reception food! I had shrimp cocktail, spring rolls, baklava, some really good cheeses, and awesome chocolate covered strawberries! One interesting fact: The musical, Carousel, is an interesting social commentary on domestic violence. I hope everyone else had better weekends than Chris and I had. :P

Survey

2005-04-14T11:18:00.000-07:00

Chris thinks I'm weird. Let me explain. He says I think and feel things that other women don't necessarily think and feel. For example, I absolutely love it when he touches, holds, grabs, massages, licks, or interacts with my breasts in any way possible. The reason being that I had a boobjob in July of 2004 and he was there with me during the consultations, went with me the morning of surgery and stayed until I was released and then proceeded to take off work for 3 weeks and nurse me back to health (in other words, helping me pee, running to the store for more Capri Suns, and reading me my favorite novels).

Because of this, I find it incredibly romantic and loving whenever he plays with them or holds them. He thinks this is weird and that other women would feel objectified. But for some reason, I perceive it as being romantic, as a sign that he truly loves me, not just acting on sexual urges. Is this weird?

I also think that when we have anal sex and he puts himself into me that it's a bonding experience because he'll hold me and just leave it in me without thrusting or moving around. Sometimes, we'll fall asleep like that or just lay and talk with him inside me. Somehow, anal sex is so much more personal than regular intercourse, and when we do it, it's like a pact of love and trust because you have to trust each other not to hurt one another. Hence, I also think that anal sex is romantic and is a sign of trust and love. Is this weird?

Anyway, I really want to hear what you guys think. Chris thinks I'm a freakazoid. Come on, blogging buddies. Back your friendly, neighborhood Asian up! ;)

NEWS FLASH

2005-04-13T07:36:00.000-07:00

After being in a relationship with Chris for two years and having been lied to about being second best when it comes to giving head, Chris has finally admitted that I give the best head that he's ever had. He has even disclosed that he's been lying to me about whether or not I give the best head he's ever had for a very long time because he "didn't want me to get a swelled head". Little did he know that just knowing I give him the best head he's ever had makes me want to give him head even more! So, having reclaimed my rightful throne, I can now die happy. Thank you. :)

- Quyen the Reporter

Realizations and Regrets

2005-04-07T17:21:00.000-07:00

After reading YB's post about what you should do if you care about someone but things just aren't working, I started thinking of my past. I've been on the other side of that equation many times. Men have always had a way with falling in love with me (or having strong affections for me). I'm not sure why this is since I'm not a supermodel or a super genius or the sweetest person on Earth. All in all, I'd say I'm just average or slightly above average. However, guys find something in me that is irresistable, even if I'm disinterested or being stand-offish. This leads to a lot of guys falling in love with me before I've had a chance to fall in love with them.

Needless to say, this situation leads to power imbalances and things start to "not work out". But the guy I'm with still cares for me. So, he should cut his losses and leave, right? Well, most of them did not, and a situation created itself in which things did not change for me and they lived a life where they were always searching for my affection and care. That's a life that nobody should have to live. I wish they had left to find something better. Maybe then would I have learned that being selfish and letting people fall hopelessly in love with you and giving nothing in return is not okay.

And that's what it comes down to. I was just very selfish when I was young. I expected to be courted and taken care of in every way imaginable: emotionally, intellectually, physically, financially, etc. I even treated Chris in the same way during the first part of our relationship. But it was through my relationship with him now that I realized that a relationship takes two sets of hands to row the boat.

In some ways, I have finally realized what it's like to be on the other side of the equation, where you care for someone so much that even when things aren't going well, you want nothing more in the world to make things better between you. Finally, I understand what my ex's have felt like. I just wish that I had been a better person back then and was able to either give back equally or tell them to go.

Protect Me

2005-04-06T09:34:00.000-07:00

I have been too close to the fire,
singeing my black-already hair.
The ash blends perfectly into
my glossy, thick tresses.

My tears have not washed away
the soot from my face.
If anyone asks,
I'll tell them I smeared
my mascara.

They cannot see the grit that lies underneath
my painted fingernails.

Only you know that I wasn't
at the beauty parlor today,
but instead,
fighting fires, saving what I could.

I wish you had prepared a bath for me,
so I could wash the ash from my hair and reapply
my makeup.

But you never knew it was you
who prepared me for tomorrow.

Need Skincare Advice!

2005-04-05T13:35:00.000-07:00

So, I went for my second laser hair removal treatment yesterday. I had on this cream anesthetic that made my mouth feel numb for like 4 hours (I swear I had an invisible muzzle on). Anyway, it still hurt like shit, but I went up 3 joules (that's energy, folks) in the power of the laser for this session. I'm really hoping this laser hair removal thing really works. Otherwise, I laid down $400 for nothing :(

At my session, I inquired about this "amazing skincare line" that she touted last time I was there. The line is called Skin Ceuticals and claims that they combine skincare with science. She sent me home with a $20 sample of serum and a giant pamphlet, the color of a box of tampons. The literature is really interesting and seems to really work. However, I asked her how much it would be to start up on the skincare line and she said $300! So now, I'm looking at this Skin Ceuticals stuff like it's an investment! Crazy! That's like $1200 a year for skincare! Has anyone else heardof, used, or seen this stuff? Any suggestions for other product lines that are effective and may work?

On the upside, I asked her if she would do Botox on me and she turned me away saying, "You have beautiful skin! Why are you thinking of getting Botox? How old are you? 21? You are way too young to be considering those kinds of options. If you start Botox while you're young, it may become an addiction. I'd rather have you be addicted to chocolate; it's healthier and less expensive. Get Botox out of your head and just get a good skincare line to preserve your natural beauty." Then she turned to a coworker and said, "Can you believe her? Women would kill to have her skin!" Needless to say, I walked away relieved and happy :)

Bride of Frankenstein

2005-04-04T15:08:00.000-07:00

Last nite, Chris and I finally went out to eat after reading, sleeping, and working (each other :P) all day long ;) We ended up going to Romano's Macaroni Grill, which neither of us has ever been before. The decor was totally super-cute! :D Like a little bistro/cafe meets Italian red brick oven. It featured cute (but tiny) booths stocked with extra-virgin olive oil and balsamic vinegar, butcher paper tablecloths, and amazing house bread with the sweetness of fresh rosemary baked right in! :D The actual entree portions were huge (about 3 medium servings) and the tastes were so complex and robust that I'm sure a nice wine would have gone well with them (even though I hate wine - wine makes me drunk in no time flat :P hehe) Anyway, you guys have to try it! :)

When it was time for me to leave, Chris drove me to my car which was parked a block away along a busy street. I got inside and put the key in the ignition and turned it. Nothing. No power, no dashboard lights, no headlights, not even emergency blinkers. I turned to Chris and gave him a "help me!" look as he drove away, probably thinking my look of despair really meant "I'll miss you!" :( So, I called him back and we got the jumper cables out and everything...

I told him to start the car and keep it running and I'd start my car and when it was running, I'd go out and take the jumper cables off. Well, my car started and I got out of my car and started taking the clamps off his battery. After I got them off, I went to my car to take the other ones off. However, I couldn't do that while I was holding the other cables. So, I put them both in one hand. OMG. If you could have seen the sparks that flew! I thought I was going to die in some fiery electric storm. I totally forgot that you're not supposed to let positive touch negative! hehehe oops. :P Anyway, I'm fine, but I thought I was going to be a roasted chicken there for awhile. All in all, lesson learned: 1) Don't let positive touch negative and 2) let your boyfriend jumpstart your car for you ;)

P.S. I asked Chris what he would do if I died right there on the street and he said he'd drive me to the graveyard and dump me in the grass. Nice boyfriend, huh? :P hehehe

Am I being philosophical enough?

2005-03-30T13:33:00.000-08:00

Lately, I've been feeling like I haven't been posting very thought provoking blogs. I was going back through my old posts and reading them and I was surprised by how good the writing was as well as how deep the ideas really got. The only answer I came up with to explain this is: Chris and I haven't been fighting.

Usually, our regularly scheduled fights inspire some kind of realization or epiphany which I handily record in my blog for posterity. But in the past 3 months, he and I have probably had only a handful of arguments. So, no more amazing posts from me. The real question then becomes: Have I become such a great person that I don't have much left to learn and realize? OR Is this period of time where he and I aren't arguing some kind of "calm before the storm" in which I will learn a great many things and then, again, handily record them in my blog?

But anyway, that's my excuse for not posting very often. I don't really have much to say these days. No exciting epihanies or show-stopping realizations that I just HAVE to write down and share with everyone like it's some sort of intellectual Ambrosia. So, I hope you still enjoy reading what little I still put out, and who knows? Maybe we'll get in a fight just for the hell of it (for the sake of my blogging community, of course!) and I'll post something completely and entirely revelational and life-changing! ;P

Passion or Persistence?

2005-03-29T12:17:00.000-08:00

Today, I was thinking about a famous quote by President Calvin Coolidge:

"Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated failures. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent."

But I would argue that nothing in this world can take the place of passion. Passion feeds the fire that is persistence and carries with it joy, fulfillment, and originality. Just because someone can persist doesn't mean that they will necessarily succeed. "Persistence" in this quote is assumed to also carry with it the inner drive and motivation which accompany the efforts carried out in a persistent attempt; however, persistence alone does not mean that internal drive exists.

Now, passion and persistence can both be roads to success. The difference between them is that one has a decidedly personal context and the other has societal significance. When you have a passion for something, you independently pursue whatever that passion is, not for others but for your own satisfaction. With passion, internal drive exists which paves a clear way to persistence and dedication. All in all, passion is a very personal endeavor that is associated with self-fulfillment and joy. Persistence is also a way of succeeding, although it does not carry with it the connotation of personal satisfaction. Persistence is a quality that people make use of when they need to meet a deadline or there is some circumstance which forces them to complete a task no matter what. Persistence does not necessarily mean that the person is working towards a personal goal or that they are engaging in the task to cultivate happiness within themselves. Often, people persist when they are expected to succeed.

Although passion may not always lead to success, it is what the human spirit is made of. Out of passion comes persistence and so much more. So, while persistence and dedication do play an important role in life's tasks, passion plays an even more important role in how we all live life. So, I would have to disagree with President Coolidge and say this:

"Passion. Passion alone is omnipotent." - Quyen Nguyen

A Great Relationship

2005-03-29T06:43:00.000-08:00

Tonite, I was talking with a friend about Chris and I and our relationship. I was telling him how I wanted to be done with school already and be living with Chris and working my full time job at the music school. He responded with how he wanted a girl, too - that he was so very lonely. It made me sad for him and reminiscient of my own past, and it made me appreciate all that Chris and I have together, even more.

I remember those times when I was lonely, but not the lonely that can just go away if you hang out with someone for awhile. It's that hopelessness-lonely. The kind you feel when you don't have faith in love or good people or even a real connection. I remember crying myself to sleep, wondering if I'd ever find someone who could share love and appreciation with me (this may seem funny to some of you, but I really felt that I would grow up to be a spinster). The other thing was that this loneliness wasn't just from being alone. Sometimes, I felt lonely even when I was in a relationship. It was like something was missing. But it made no sense: I was in a relationship... what was missing? And I realized, then, that just because you're in a relationship doesn't mean it's a great relationship and it doesn't mean you can't still feel lonely inside.

Which leads me to where I am right now. What makes a great relationship? What keeps people from feeling lonely? I'm sure there are so many possible answers, but I have only managed to come up with a few of the answers that come to mind when I think of Chris and I:

1. Complete emotional security - A great relationship is one in which you can feel strong even when you're weak. Your partner doesn't see your vulnerability as a downfall like the rest of the world may. Instead, a great relationship encourages you to deal with your hurt and pain and transform them into something more productive. In this way, you're free to release and let go and grow into something more, something better. When a relationship has complete emotional security, it's understood that it's okay to be wrong and that your partner doesn't point out your faults to be callous, but instead, to help you become a stronger person. "Our critics are our friends; they show us our faults" - Benjamin Franklin

2. Open lines of communication - Great relationships go beyond basic trust; instead, they boast self exposure. When you trust someone, you are acknowledging their integrity. When you expose yourself to someone, you are entrusting your integrity to them. This is why many relationships lack good communication; it is hard to turn over your control over a situation and trust in someone else's ability to take care of it. In a great relationship, communication and self exposure are common occurences because you trust that you will be able to get past the issue at hand. Along with complete emotional security, open lines of communication are essential to being able to address concerns and get through tough situations, together.

3. Willingness to please one another and compromise - Perhaps the most important aspect of great relationships is the willingness to please one another and compromise. This directly applies to sexual and emotional aspects of the relationship and can be both voluntary and judicious. In the willing, voluntary sense, this can involve giving a back massage when not asked, looking espcially attractive for each other, or offering to help your partner with a difficult task. In the judicious, compromising sense, this can involve having sex with your partner when you're not in the mood, trying to understand where your partner is coming from even if you think they're wrong, or letting your pride give way to your partner's emotional well-being during an argument. When you want to please one another and compromise, selflessness and outward affection take the place of selfishness and pride.

With aspects of a relationship like this, it is impossible to feel like things aren't working or your relationship is not what you want it to be - and loneliness definitely has no part in this ;) It took Chris and I a very long time to get to the point that we're at right now, but I'm glad we made the journey together :) I've made lots of mistakes on the way, but I finally came to some vital realizations, and now our relationship is the better for it. I hope everyone can incorporate and maintain great relationships in their lives - it's both beautiful and life-changing when you can. :D

Respite

2005-03-21T15:13:00.000-08:00

Yay! It's my Spring Break! :D I'm not going anywhere exciting or doing anything very out of the ordinary this year because I just need this time to catch up on homework, sleep, and apartment cleaning. God, my place is such a mess... :( so, the tumor/hernia/lymph node actually was treated (rather well) by some very powerful anitbiotics - which leads me to believe I had cat scratch fever, although I'll have to do a followup with my doc to make sure. I'm feeling better except for some mild pain every now and then. I'm even thinking of going to Kung Fu class tonite to do some light stretching and exercise. Tomorrow, they are thinking of heading to Mountain High for some snowboarding! :D I really want to go! But I guess I'll have to see how I feel first. :P

So, my b/f, Chris, got his new apartment last week and I saw it for the first time this weekend! :D It's so totally cute! I can see myself spending a lot of time there hehe ;) We went shopping for all sorts of stuff to help him move in, and I forgot how many things you actually have to get for your place to even make it "motel quality". I'm so glad I don't have to go through all the headache that comes with furnishing your new apartment, although it is kinda fun decorating one. I'm jealous of that; I wish I had a new apartment to decorate hehe :P But even though I have all these ideas for how to make his apartment look snazzy, I have to remember to bow out because it's not my turf. I'm looking forward to helping him learn how to cook with all of his fancy new gadgets though! :D Our first cooking lesson? Ramen! haha j/k :P

Other than all of that, I've been really sleepy today. I woke up around 8AM and then went back to sleep and slept from 10AM to 1PM. Can you believe I'm still tired? I actually want to go to sleep right now :( *yawn* But there's still so much to do *sigh* BTW, thanks to everyone for all your kind thoughts and wishes about my illness. I really appreciated it :)

Doctors and Blogger - They're all the same

2005-03-17T14:39:00.000-08:00

Okay. First off, I haven't been able to comment on anyone's blogs! WTF? That totally sucks! Unlike Grace, I don't want to take the time to post my comments to everyone's blogs on my own blog. Anyway, I'm sorry you guys haven't been getting any comments on your blogs from me. Blogger is being buggy. YB suggested another blogging forum, but I've been blogging on blogger.com for almost a year now. I'm kind of attatched :P ...even if it is buggy ;)

Secondly, I haven't been posting because I've been in a constant state of medical alarm. I've had a growth growing on my left hip/groin for about a month now. Just recently, it has doubled or tripled in size and become so painful that my ability to walk has been impaired significantly. I've seen 5 different doctors in the past 2 days: a urologist/surgeon, a UCLA Medecine faculty member, a doctor in the ER @ Kaiser, a visiting doctor from Germany, and my own general practitioner. None of them know what is wrong with me...

At first, they thought I had an inguinal hernia because I have all the history of a hernia. However, it's not in the right place of where a hernia should be and I'm not throwing up everywhere (also symptomatic of a hernia). The next thing they thought it was was a swollen lymph node because it's tender to the touch (i.e. it fucking hurts if you touch it, so don't)... except it's too high to be in the lymph node region. After that, they thought it was "cat scratch fever" which makes sense since I have a cat who scratches me... the only problem is that I'm not running a fever and my white blood cell count is completely normal. I even had x-rays and they show nothing.

So, I'm in a lot of pain, always on the verge of admitting myself to the county hospital, and dealing with midterms and papers that are due, all at the same time. It totally sucks! The only thing they haven't ruled out is a malignant tumor :( I made my "goodbye, world" calls a few nights ago. I bet my friends and old acquaintances all thought that was pretty funny since I'm still here and blogging away. I just wanted to say one thing: Doctors and Blogger are both user unfriendly and make everyone feel like they don't know what's going on.

Laaaaaazer...

2005-03-09T10:57:00.000-08:00

I'm so excited! I have an appointment this Thursday afternoon to get some laser hair removal done :) Whoo-hoo! I'll finally be silky and smooth like all my asian ancestors :P Apparently, I may need up to 8 or 9 treatments to complete the semi-permanent results (usually 90% elimination). At $80 a pop, it'll only be $720 at the most. I swear. I'm such a beauty rejuvenation junkie.

Each treatment is spaced out 4-5 weeks at first, and then 5-7 weeks towards the end of treatment. After that, I'll need a "touch up" every 8 months to a year to make sure things stay permanent. So, I figure the whole treatment process should be somewhere close to a year. Finally! No more plucking and shaving! :D

I'm thinking of what my next beauty buy should be. I'm debating between Botox in between my eyebrows and in my forehead OR Restylane (longer lasting version of collagen) in my smile lines. The thing is that I'm only 21 y/o. However, I look like I'm 35 y/o. If you don't believe me, people always tease me about dating a younger man when I tell them my b/f, Chris, is 25 y/o. How depressing... :P Hmnn... maybe glycolic peels or some microdermabrasion might suffice... hehehe :D

My Achilles Heel

2005-03-03T14:45:00.000-08:00

If there was one flaw of mine that could turn me from mild-mannered Asian college student into Greek tragedy, it would be my memory. My memory is so bad that I forget things people have just said to me. It's so bad that the only thing I can count on is images - visuals. I don't remember words spoken or dates. I can't pinpoint a memorable night down to even the month in which it occurred. It's come to the point where if Chris says I said something or did something, I have to believe that I did it, even though it may seem uncharacteristic of me. Imagine for a second just how much access Chris has to the possiblity of manipulating me... :P

My bad memory is a combination of things. However, it stems from one terrible center: my abusive childhood. I remember very few bad things that happened to me when I was young. The only things I remember are the feeling of flying through the air and across the room until my body collided into a closet door and broke it (I don't remember why I was thrown or if it hurt, just that feeling of weightlessness and then the inevitable crash) and hitting my head on the end of a banister as a child and having my dad come in and beat me for accidentally hurting myself. The rest of these bad memories come to me in the form of stories from others - how I was thrown into a clothes dryer and had it turned on with me inside, how my arm was broken with a strike from a telephone, and other seemingly impossible stories of abuse from my father.

But I guess it happened. People tell me it did. So, I guess I have to believe it. But I don't remember any of it. I've blocked it out - bad memories I never want to remember. And I think my brain has gotten so used to burying memories deep inside of me that it doesn't know how to do anything else. I see my childhood in the way that someone would flip through a photo album - just snapshots and scenes with no captions. Even if I could remember, I'm not sure if I'd want to. But there are memories that I do want to hold on to, like standing at the stove, cooking, Chris sneaks up behind me, slides my hair away from my neck and presses his warm lips against my soft skin *sigh* But who knows when even that will bury itself like all the rest? :(

Organizing Headaches

2005-03-02T10:41:00.000-08:00

So, I've taken it upon myself to prepare a timeline for all my assignments which are due. I've already completed my task for the day (which was filing for financial aid). Now, I can work on a couple other things due tomorrow morning. It's scary! I have something due every day from now until spring break! I'll be so glad for the mid-semester break...

I've decided to take the advice of Peachy and TMA - I'll be leaving for SD Saturday afternoon after I finish work. I'll get to see my mom, see Toasty, my sisters, relax in a city that has a little less pollution and maybe just get a second wind in order to combat all this stress. All this time, I thought that if I just worked harder in the face of adversity, I'd succeed. I guess it just goes to show that when you can't push a wall over, it helps to go around it. ;)

I've been getting these huge migraines for the past 24 hours. I never get headaches. I think it's due to some combination of worrying about all the due dates and nightmares and then not eating enough food. I'm really used to having a meal every 3-4 hours. But now, I'm trying to cut back down to 3 slightly larger meals per day. I'm not sure whether the headaches are from stress or just because I'm woozy from not eating enough. Hmnn... Then again, I did just eat a 6" Subway sandwich and my head still hurts. At least the FAFSA is one thing off my mind ;)

Shifting Into 5th Gear

2005-03-01T12:31:00.000-08:00

School is into full swing for me now. I have papers due, concerts to attend, museums to go to, lesson plans to make, reflections and responses to write, and hundreds of pages of reading to do. I feel a little overwhelmed right now. But I'm sure that in one week, I'll be feeling simply inundated. I knew this would happen at the beginning of the semester as I was planning my schedule. Two part time jobs, full time school, Kung Fu, boyfriend time, time for cooking and meals, and my own personal sanity time... All this I could handle. But when you throw in time to do schoolwork? That's it. You might as well stick a fork in me and test me for doneness cuz I'm freaking burned the fuck out. *sigh* :(

Now, I know other people have done it and succeeded with a lot more on their shoulders than me, but fuck that. I'm not them. Firstly, I know I will succeed. I'm just a masochistic bitch like that. Secondly, I'll succeed with flair. I'm just stylish like that ;) But a lot of things are on my mind lately. My nightmares have been getting worse and more vivid. And if you've followed my blog for any amount of time, I sometimes have precognitive dreams. Lately, they've been about my mom who has a brain tumor that she refuses to get checked out... well, since 1990-something-or-other. The doctors (back then) said she was supposed to die in 6 months. But she's been alive ever since. But it's always been in the back of my mind... like some kind of time bomb grotesquely ticking away.

Anyway, I'm worried about her, and I want to go see her in San Diego (which adds another load of stress on me). There literally aren't enough hours in the day and what's worse is the fact that I have to decide what gets priority in my life. I had a convo with a friend a few days ago about justice and mercy, and I told him that "justice can try itself again and again, but mercy has only one opportunity". How sobering, yet true. Let's believe in second chances...

Time Capsule

2005-02-28T13:48:00.000-08:00

This post is meant to be a written "snapshot" of who I am at this point in my life. When I'm older, maybe I'll look back and think, "Wow, I was so enlightened!" or "Wow, I was so naive!" Either way, it'll be a time capsule waiting for me many years from now, preserved only by the functional, yet handy, blogger.com ;)

SELF ANALYSIS: Quyen is an academically intelligent girl who enjoys abstract conversations about ideas and not necessarily events. She has a twisted and odd sense of humor and frequently oscillates between witty and dorky. She can be totally superficial and self-important to strangers, but she can also be warm and engaging to those she likes. She has few friends as she believes most people are stupid, and those friends whom she keeps can often be counted on to deliver either great intelligence or raucous humor. She believes in keeping traditions alive even though they might not have any more meaning to them. She's most comfortable doing the same things over and over. It's the people around her who inspire her to try a new recipe or a new activity. She's anti-social to a fault. However, she can be the life of the party if she so chooses. Men generally admire her for her looks. Women generally admire her for her ability to consistently think rationally and dispense solid advice. She thinks this is ironic because she doesn't believe her strong point lies in her looks or rational thinking but instead, she believes her best trait is her ability to think creatively. In relationships, she thinks people are a team and that gender expectation lines are blurry. She constantly tries to move in a forward direction and never find herself stagnant in terms of personal development. She is very flaky and frequently feels the desire not to return a call or go through with a plan if she doesn't feel like it - this even occurs with things that are important to her or others. She thinks this is more attributed to her laziness than any sort of devious intentions.

HOBBIES: Kung Fu, cooking (specialty: Italian), blogging, playing video games

LOVES: Chris, cats (Toasty), sushi (salmon, eel, yellowtail, soft-shelled crab), teaching kids, attracting the attention of her b/f, kissing and hugging her b/f, feeling beautiful, feeling wise and experienced, giving head

LIKES: Boba (Japanese Mo-Cha), MAC makeup and makeup application, video games (Gamecube and RPGs), getting dressed up to go out, karaoke, dancing, writing poetry, designer clothing, having a drink every now and then (vodka and martinis), pretending to be a cat in bed, "sweet but spicy" lingerie (pink and black),

DISLIKES: Small beds, bad drivers, breaking out, stress, unwanted attention, her own procrastinating tendencies, feeling ugly, smegma, talking to people I don't feel like talking to, politics,

HATES: Liver and onions, feeling out of shape, traffic, being smothered by people other than her b/f, feeling stupid, ignorant people who use their ignorance to be mean to others,

WOULD LIKE: More plastic surgery, other cosmetic procedures, Toasty to live with me again, to be amazingly intelligent, to be pretty into my old age, to learn Kung Fu fan, to be an amazing cook, to have a satisfying and rewarding career in the future,

FEARS: Having no job marketability, Candyman, spirits, scary things you can't logically explain, little porcelain dolls, loved ones dying, myself dying, being poor, being unattractive to my spouse,

This is an incomplete list, but it's all I can think of. Hopefully, this will give me a good idea of who I was when I was 21 y/o. Feel free to copy and make your own time capsules ;)

DEBT RELIEF!

2005-02-17T13:04:00.000-08:00

OMFG! I am so happy right now! Actually, happy doesn't cover it... it's a combination of relief, elation, serenity, and the belief that things are going to turn out great, after all. My sister got a call today from the hospital I was hospitalized in way back in September. If you've been around for a long time, you know that I racked up an $18,000 bill in my short 3 day stay. I'm a student working 2 PT jobs and going to school full time... I totally don't have that kind of money.

So, these past 5 months, I've been really stressed out about it because I wasn't approved for MediCal, and I've been writing letters and sending documents to all sorts of low-income agencies in order to help me take care of that bill. I thought all hope was lost and have been seriously considering bankruptcy since the New Year. I would have rather had zero credit than be in debt for the rest of my life what with student loans AND the hospital bill.

Anyway, my sister got a call from the hospital saying that I was approved for my Charity Care application and that I owe NOTHING! :D Can you believe that?! :D I'm ecstatic. They said they'd even send me a letter to confirm it. I'm so happy! This means that I will only have to pay the outside agencies money (which amounts to only about $2,000) ;)

Since I didn't talk to the hospital myself, Chris thinks I should call them just to confirm that my sis has her facts straight. I'm wondering what I should do. Should I send them all a gift basket? A sincere letter of thanks? Or just thank them over the phone? I don't want to seem like I do have money, because I don't. However, I want to show my gratitude. Any suggestions? This has been a huge weight lifted off my shoulders :) This has been the best day I've had in a long time :)

Do' and Don'ts (Quyen's Guide to Sex)

2005-02-15T13:49:00.000-08:00

DO give head regularly

DON'T eat someone's shit or engage in scat play

DO arch your back and press your ass in the air, pretending you're a porn star

DON'T have sex in a hot tub for long periods of time

DO train yourself to enjoy various positions (even if it hurts the first time)

DON'T suck cock if it's just been in your ass

DO try to play with all your partner's 2,000 parts

DON'T subject yourself to a dirty ass or a dirty penis

DO talk so dirty it disturbs your neighbors

DON'T complain during sex and ruin the moment

DO have sex in a car and other outside venues

DON'T be unwilling to try new things that might please your partner

DO kiss, suck, spank, bite, pull, stroke, and fuck to your heart's desire

DON'T hurt, cut, beat, or maim yourself or your partner

DO have as much sex as you feel is unnecessarily needed

DON'T ever be ashamed of it

Happy Valentine's Day! :D

2005-02-14T13:01:00.000-08:00

Happy Valentine's Day everyone! I hope you all have a wonderful day with the person who has captured your heart. And if you're single, indulge in a little self-love (and no I don't mean masturbation, although you may do that generously if you wish) :P

I had a great Valentine's weekend. Friday nite, Chris came over, and I made a pizza and gave him my two V-day presents: a key to my apartment and some sexy lingerie (for me, not him) ;) Then, he gave me his presents: an anthology of great poems (over 600 of them!) and a new diary (since I had been asking for one). I really enjoyed the poem anthology. Anyone who knows me well knows I am a poetry nut - and he's one of a handful of people who know me well. Chris actually tried to trick me and find out some of my favorite poems and poets by asking for my advice on which poems to use on a "very important, 8-unit classroom project" he had to design for college freshmen on poetry. I was totally tricked; I came up with this whole plan and submitted it to him. :P But since I never told him any of MY personal favorites and instead told him which I thought would be good for college freshmen, he didn't get the answers he was looking for. I guess it backfired on him hehehe But it was really thoughtful :)

Saturday, I planned this extravagant candle-lit dinner at home with me cooking steak for the first time in my life, coupled with garlic bread, broccoli, mashed potatoes, and a cherry cheesecake. I went to a butcher and bought a nice ribeye steak. Then I got all the rest of the food ready. As a finishing touch, I put on makeup, did my hair, and wore an evening gown that I've never worn before. That was the upside. The downside of the evening was that I ruined everything except for the steak and garlic bread :P Oh well... I'll do better next time :P It was still nice, even if everything wasn't "perfect". ;)

On Sunday, we went to San Diego to drop off Toasty :( We had a nice ride up and went to lunch at El Torito with my sister and her b/f. Then, we went and saw "Hitch" at the movie theatres, which was cute. Not wonderful, not great - cute. After that, we went for some Korean BBQ (mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!) and then drove home.

I was so tired this morning (we both got home late) that I slept through my first class today :( Oh well, it was definitely worth it :) Happy Valentine's Day everyone! :D

Off-Days

2005-02-10T10:24:00.000-08:00

Nobody ever talks about these days because they always pass and life moves on or maybe they think it's embarassing to talk about it - that somehow we should be embarassed to feel the way we do. I'm talking about those days when you just feel worthless, like everyone has a leg up on you, that no matter what you do, you'll never be or do good enough. I'm having one of those days today, and it fucking sucks.

Sometimes, my off-days include things like... "I'll never succeed in life" or "I'm not a good person". But today, it's something a little more superficial - and that's entirely okay. I'm feeling ugly, unpretty, and like a big, fat, nasty slug. I'm usually pretty content with my looks - sometimes pretty confident. But I guess I'm at my breaking point. I haven't heard a compliment on my looks from anyone in a long time, and it's eating me away. I think a woman needs those flirty moments to feel beautiful like roses need water to grow. Right now, I feel like I'm withering. I feel like I need attention. Someone to say, "Hey! Stop thinking like that! You're pretty, and you know it!" But I don't have that luxury anymore. I've sworn it off. But it doesn't mean I don't still need it.

Call it needing constant reassurance, call it being unconfident, call it being attention-seeking. I don't really care what anyone thinks of it. I just know that today, I'm having an off-day, and that off-day can be cured by a little warmth and love from the only person I can allow to give it to me. Not knowing whether that person is willing or able to give it to me is the real problem...

Tomorrow will be better, but it cannot change the present.

Poor Toasty

2005-02-08T13:00:00.000-08:00

My cat was spotted sitting on the windowsill of my apartment window and now the apartment manager wants me to get rid of her :( I knew it would happen sooner or later. I remember the rental agreement specifically saying "no pets". But a part of me thought, "Well, I'm such a good tenant that maybe she'll make an exception" or "Maybe she'll overlook it." Totally wrong. So, now Toasty has to go :(

She'll be transplanted to San Diego where she'll live with my mom and sisters. I'm really bummed. I mean, I know I have a super busy schedule and don't have enough time to hang out with her, but it was nice coming home to her and sleeping with her in my arms at nite. I guess it's back to Ham, Bacon, and Bulbasaur again. Maybe one day, I'll move to an apartment where Toasty can come live with me. It's funny, I've been noticing all the "vacancy" signs around me :P

I did have the last word though. When she told me cats weren't allowed, I said, "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know. I thought they were allowed because I always see other people's cats on the 3rd floor!" hahaha I'm sure she's all paranoid now. I still don't understand the logic of no cats. If they tear up the carpet, well, that's what the security deposit is for, right? Whatever.

Does "boring" really mean "bad"?

2005-02-07T10:19:00.000-08:00

So, I saw Chris this weekend, and we had the most AMAZING sex I've ever had in my life! I REALLY MEAN THAT! :D I was so sore afterward! I couldn't sit or walk or even lay down; I just wanted to die :P But it was so worth it. Anyway, Chris and I have a pretty typical sex regimen and it's not that freaky or explorative or anything... As the saying goes, we're "business as usual".

So, I got to thinking that maybe our sex life needed spicing up... You know, some new ideas and all that. So I asked him if he thought our sex life was boring. He said, "Yes, it's boring. But just because it's boring doesn't mean it's bad." At this point, I was confused. He said, "When the sex is bad, it's just bad. Nothing new or exciting is gonna make that go away. But when you're having good sex, who cares if it's boring? Just cuz it's boring doesn't make it bad."

And that got me thinking... As a society, we think that if it's new, it's gotta be good. But I guess Chris put it in a very poignant way, which is to say that if you've had a good blowjob 100 times in exactly the same way, just cuz it happens again doesn't mean it's going to be bad. Interesting idea, no?

However, that doesn't mean I'm totally sold on his idea. So, I would still like some suggestions on how to put a new spin on our bedroom life ;) Sexperts needed! :P

Per Peachy's Request

2005-02-02T13:49:00.000-08:00

Because Peachy asked, I am writing a blog when I should really be reading! Classes started for me again... (come to think about it, I have SO much to tell you guys!) It appears I'll be in school for 3 more semesters, not 2 :( Also, I'm not a morning person, but I'm taking classes at 8AM, Monday through Friday - only to accomodate my work schedule and kung fu practice.

The courses I'm taking this semester are Contemporary Literature, Contemporary Issues in Asian American Communities, Harmony II, Music Analysis, Keyboard IV, T'ai Chi Chu'an, and Musicianship VI. I have 3 upper division classes: Contemp. Lit, Issues of Asians, and Music Analysis. The workload is intense so far... I already have a short paper due and 207 pages of reading due by 8AM Thursday! So, I'll have to make this blog short so I can get back to reading :P

I want to post more because so much is going on, but life has been very busy lately. I also apologize if I haven't posted on any of your blogs lately either... As soon as my final schedule gets situated, I'm sure things will be back to normal. On an unfortunate note, there have been problems (once again due to me) between Chris and I and we're experiencing some relationship troubles. However, I'm determined to resolve them and make things better between us (hopefully, one day). I'll tell you guys more later ;)

Growing Up

2005-01-24T23:04:00.000-08:00

This post is going to be long but possibly enlightening to some of you - just a warning to you all.

When I was little, I was a "latch-key kid" (meaning my parents worked all day, and I had to stay home alone until 8pm when they'd return home). I wasn't given a lot of affection in terms of quality time and TLC, but the way my parents did show me love was through their wallets. Anything I wanted, I could have (as long as I got straight A's in school). Most children gain their first concept of love through the love of their parents, and to me, love consisted of gifts and going out to fancy restaurants.

The fact that money equals love and affection stuck with me through my childhood and into my late teens. Cliche romantic gestures like flowers and candy on a first date seemed natural to me, as did 5 star restaurants and the receiving of little gifts. I wasn't in a bubble; it's what I saw at home, on television and movies, with my sisters and their b/fs, and out in the rest of the world. I never thought of it like this back then, but I was very materialistic when it came to how I saw love.

I first met Chris about a year and 9 months ago (when I was 19 y/o), and we started dating awhile after that. We used to go dutch all the time - even on our first date. For me, that was a big thing - I was so used to having the guy pay for everything. For me, paying for dinner was a sign that you were interested or had affections for me. We did the same with movie tickets and we each paid for our own gas.

I was sooooooo not used to this. For a long time, I wondered if he even cared for me, or if he was just using me to have sex with. I was often upset at the fact that I felt forced to pay for myself and that I didn't receive the customary gifts (like flowers) or had to pay for my own gas when we would go driving around in my car. I was so blinded by all of this that I failed to see the other things he did to show he cared for me.

When I look back at it, I must have missed so much that he did to show me he cared. It's like missing all the scenery when you're in a rush to get somewhere. In a very real sense, "I didn't know what I was missing" because I didn't even care if it was going on. I was looking for something specific, and when you're scouting for something far away, you very rarely see what's right in front of you.

Slowly, things began to change between us. I started to get the little gifts and the flowers (the first rose he gave me is pressed into a frame and hangs on the wall opposite my bed) and being taken out to fancy restaurants - but only because I expressed unhappiness and Chris wanted to do all he could to make me happy. But even though things changed, I still didn't "get it". I didn't understand what love really was. Was it material goods? Was it sacrificing his happiness and values to make me happy? What was love based on? I didn't have any answers.

Single people often tell you that they're looking for someone they are "compatible" with or someone who shares "similar interests", as these are the things that a good relationship is based off of. I used to think so too, until Chris and I broke up. As people, we shared many interests and were very compatible. Yet, those things didn't seem to cut it. There was something else, something else that was behind the very essence of good relationships. And it was missing. I didn't realize until after we had broken up that what had been missing was my shortcoming, not his.

Respect. We've all had it. We all want it. And when we don't have it, things become very unbearable. It took me 21 years and 6 months to understand that love comes out of respect - respect for yourself and respect and appreciation for the person you're with. Some people will tell you that trust is the basis of love, but really, trust is an offshoot of respect. If I don't respect you, why would I trust you? If I don't think your choices or values are sound, then why should I trust anything you do?

Ever since I realized this, I started to see Chris for who he really was, not how I wanted to see him. He's always been there for me - to listen and to dispense advice. He's a fountain of knowledge and wit and he shares that by being a teacher. He's always looking out for me, even when I don't want him to. And most importantly, he's fair. He doesn't fight dirty like I'm apt to do, and he's always willing to work things out. Those are all things I respect and appreciate about him.

And through the things I like about him, I've also come to respect and appreciate our differences. When you truly respect a person, you respect and appreciate all of that person, not just on weekends or when you agree with them. I realized that his values and the way he does things may be different than how I do things, but it doesn't mean he's wrong for thinking the way he does. It just means he's different and it's my job to either respect or disrespect those differences.

Yes, it may have taken me awhile to grow up and realize things that others have probably realized when they were 10 y/o, but I'm much happier now that I've realized what's important and, sometimes more importantly, what's not important.

Chris, if you're reading this, I love, respect and appreciate all of you :)

Toasty Weekend

2005-01-23T21:51:00.000-08:00

First of all, thanks for all of the movie recommendations everyone! I'll have to check them out over the course of the next few months :) I've been a little movie monster - watching movies at every opportunity :P Gwar!

Now for the next order of business - I had a great weekend because 1) my b/f came over and 2) I got a new kitten! :D I had a lot of firsts this weekend... first time I ever made a lasagna, first time I've ever been to Universal Citywalk, first time I've ever had sex on my white couches, first time I ever cried out in fear from feeling like I was going to die in a virtual reality simulation, first time I've adopted a pet, first time I've worn my new BCBG outfit :P Anyway, it was a really nice weekend... I got to spend a lot of quality time with my b/f before I start the new semester, and we both got to bond with the new kitty :)

The whole weekend we were trying to think of a good name for her. I wanted Kitana (a la Mortal Kombat), Rain (after her momma - SweetAsianRain :P), and Limpo (after a Kung Fu form). But one by one, the names just didn't suit her. She's not especially exotic, so she couldn't be a Kitana. She's fierce and violent, not calming and meditational like Rain. And while she is martial, Limpo is a boy's name :P Chris started calling her Toasty... and she really is kind of a Toasty... So, I guess we'll call her Toasty ;)

The worst part is Toasty totally loves Chris more than she loves me; and I'm her owner! :o She'll be laying with me watching a movie and then Chris will call her and she'll go to him! But when I try to steal her back, she just stays with him. Bastards! I'll show them next time! She's my cat, damnit! :P

Movie Kick

2005-01-19T13:27:00.000-08:00

I'm not a movie person by any means... not really a TV person either. I have zero ability to sit and be entertained for two hours at a time. That, and my college budget doesn't allow me to get any kind of cable TV The reception is so bad in my apartment building that I don't even get the basic channels everyone can get with a tin foil antenna. So, I don't watch a lot of anything on TV (mostly, it's just video games :P)

Anyway, I bought a Blockbuster Rewards card which gives you a free movie every month, and rent one - get one free deals, and rent 5 - get one free offers... It's pretty kewl... Anyway, I've been renting 2 movies every week (which, now that I think about it, probably costs as much as basic cable per month) The whole "take a week to watch me" is a good deal because I can only watch 1/3 to 1/2 of a movie in one sitting. Anyway, I've watched a couple of good films and wanted to promote them.

If you like anime, Princess Mononoke is for you. It has stunning art and great voice acting. The soundtrack is amazing too! Even if they never said a word, you would be completely mesmerized a la Fantasia 2000. It's a pretty deep little movie :)

I watched The Terminal this morning and it made me cry, and I don't cry very often... The movie is this sad little comedy that has really uplifting tones to it. Steven Spielberg directs and Tom Hanks does some really amazing character acting which I didn't really think he could pull off before I saw the film.

BTW... any movie recommendations for next week? Old or new, I probably haven't seen it. As it is, I still have yet to watch Casablanca, Star Wars, Godfather, Rocky, etc...

So Sore: Why you can't live with or without sex

2005-01-18T01:17:00.000-08:00

Tonite's Kung Fu class was particularly rigorous. I thought I pulled a muscle or a ligament or something :( We were doing these long sets of various kicks (front, side, roundhouse, back, hurricane, etc) and I pulled my groin muscles, which is to say those weird protruding ligaments that stick out when you open your legs real wide. Anyway, I could barely lift my leg into crane stance after that. Ouch. But I'm okay now. I think I just overextended myself.

Which leads me to my conclusion: I probably wouldn't have been so sore had I been having regular sex. Yes. I think that spreading your legs apart and putting them over your b/f's shoulders is an intregal and necessary prerequisite to practicing Kung Fu. Without such "stretching exercises" (haha pun :P), you get messed up like me when doing kicking sets. :P

Then it goes back to the whole being sore from TOO much sex thing. That is hardly pleasant either. It's like yeah, you're satisfied - all the endorphins are swimming in your brain - life is good... but you still feel like you've been riding a horse all day. :P (Who knows? Maybe some of us luckier girls are! :P) hehehe Anyway, I think a moderate amount of sex is needed to not get sore during Kung Fu class. I'm very excited to find out just how much is enough :P

Bras

2005-01-17T01:16:00.000-08:00

I've been putting off buying bras forever since my boob job in late July. I know this is gonna sound gross, but I've been going braless for awhile now *blush*. I know... "how unprofessional". I try to wear those shelf bras whenever I can, but they don't do anything about the spreading out problem.

Okay. The real truth is... I'M CHEAP... and bras are just so damned expensive! But, be proud of me; I FINALLY got some new bras to fit the new "post boob job" me this past weekend. This one bra I found is AMAZING... it's like a second skin... so light and doesn't grab or pinch anywhere! It's so comfortable that I wish I could buy more... but alas, at $44 a pop, I only bought one in nude. The bra is from the Body by Victoria line (Victoria's Secret). Try one out today! You'll be amazed! :D

Serving Sizes Are So Jacked

2005-01-07T14:24:00.000-08:00

Not that I'm counting calories or anything, but the way they tally nutritional information for packages is just dumb. To me, serving size should mean "the size of a (sufficient) serving" - "sufficient" being of an amount that satisfies you. This leads to two complaints against serving sizes:

They are not filling enough - Take pasta, for example. When you go to the restaurant, you get a nice big plate of fettucine alfredo... Mmmmmm! :) You may finish 1/2 of that plate and take the rest home if you're a small eater - That's 2 servings. Now go to the store and pick up a box of pasta... the serving size is 2 ounces... what is that? like 8-10 noodles? Sorry. That's not a sufficient serving. I don't know who could eat 2 ounces of pasta and call it a satisfying meal. I mean, what were they thinking? This is how they trick dieters into counting calories, and it's also the reason why people who count calories are always so fucking hungry!

It doesn't make sense when it comes to the packaging - Remember 12 oz soda cans? They used to be marked as having 1.5 servings in them. That's gross. What? Am I gonna drink my one serving and then give the other 1/2 to my friend? hahaha :P But seriously. The nutrition people know they're gonna fucking drink the whole can. Even a dieter has no real way of telling if there's 1/3 of the soda left in the can to save for the extra 1/2 a serving. And really? Who saves warm soda for later? Yuck. Same with the 20 oz. bottles... they have 2.5 servings! Better find two friends to share with ;)

This just looks too fun...

2005-01-04T17:36:00.001-08:00

Three names you go by:
1. Quyen
2. Q
3. Angel

Three screen names you have:
1. SweetAsianRain
2. PrecociousnessQ
3. AzianPryncess

Three things you like about yourself:
1. Playful
2. Smart
3. Sexy (when I try to be)

Three things you hate/dislike about yourself:
1. The fact that I feel obligated to finish my plate (thanks, Dad)
2. My inability to keep anything organized
3. My nose

Three parts of your heritage:
1. French (1/8)
2. Vietnamese
3. More Vietnamese

Three things that scare you:
1. Evil spirits
2. Candyman, Bloody Mary, and other "in the mirror" monsters
3. Failing, even though I tried really hard

Three of your everyday essentials:
1. Sleeping with Bulbasaur
2. Plastic cups (I hate washing dishes)
3. Tweezers

Three things I am wearing right now:
1. Cherryblossom print kimono
2. Pink tank top
3. Pink and grey, plaid PJ pants

Three of your fave bands/artists (today):
1. Whitney Houston
2. Celine Dion
3. Ella Fitzgerald

Three of your fave songs at present:
1. Gavin Degraw - "I Don't Wanna Be"
2. Utada Hikaru - "Simple and Clean" (Japanese remix)
3. Ella Fitzgerald - "How High the Moon"

Three new things you want to try in the upcoming year:
1. Go to a dayspa to get a facial
2. Learn to make a different entree for dinner parties (instead of the usual chicken parmigiana :P)
3. Take voice lessons

Three things you want in a relationship (love is a given):
1. Intimacy
2. Warmth
3. Perseverence

Two truths and a lie:
(not in any order)
1. I'm unable to have children
2. I used to be a real, live angel
3. My dream job is to be a professional assassin

Three physical things about the opposite/same sex that appeal to you:
1. Visible abdominal muscles
2. Being well-endowed
3. Slim or skinny physiques

Three things you just can't do:
1. Whistle with two fingers in my mouth
2. Be on time for anything
3. Use a planner for more than 3 weeks

Three of your favorite hobbies:
1. Going to Kung Fu classes
2. Playing with my Gamecube
3. Teaching and tutoring kids

Three careers you're considering:
1. Music instructor at a private music school
2. Therapist
3. High school teacher

Three places you want to go on vacation:
1. Vietnam
2. Japan
3. NYC

Three kids names (boy or girl):
1. Sable
2. Bulbasaur
3. Ham and Bacon (hey, you didn't say they had to be human)

Three things you want to do before you die:
1. Be able to do crazy jumps while snowboarding and not have to eat it
2. Teach at the college level
3. Own, learn, and play a 7-string bass viola da gamba for my own enjoyment

Holidays and PMS

2005-01-03T18:29:00.000-08:00

You'd think that since I've been gone so long that I've been doing exciting things, right? Well, not really. I spent my whole winter vacation in San Diego (aka the laziest city in the world - next to Seattle). For me, SD is that place where you can be born in and die in and never feel like you're missing anything. It's just so peaceful. You can lie around all day on your ass and not feel guilty that you weren't doing anything. SD is that place where you can spend a full hour plucking your eyebrows and then wander around looking for something else to do. You may just think I'm lazy and unproductive (and you'd be right), but SD is just... *yawn*... comfortable.

Anyway, I didn't do ANYTHING the entire time while I was in SD. So, I guess I should run down the list of Xmas presents I got instead:

- Black pearl necklace surrounded by baguette diamonds (I've wanted it for 5 years!)
- Cherryblossom print PJs and matching kimono
- My very first Coach purse (Yay! I've been initiated!) along with 2 other purses
- Mulan (2-disc set)
- Chun Li Playstation controller
- Cute clothes for going out on the town (Meow.)
- A book on Martial Arts Secrets and Contemporary Poetry (Kung fu meets Steven Dobyns)
- A vase (I've wanted it for 2 years)
- Candy (Mmmm... Reese's)
- Perfumes (Ever notice how people buy you what they wear if they don't know what you wear?)
- Gift certificates to the mall

I really made out this Xmas, but I also broke the bank too. Yikes! In addition to the presents I got from others, I bought a few for myself. Namely, 4 video games: The Urbz, Paper Mario, Lord of the Rings: Third Age, and Mario Party 6. Yay! I have a whole month off just to play video games! :D But damn! I need to go back on a budget! I've been packing WAY too much money into the "fun" category...

Anyway, I fucking hate PMS. I hate how it makes me feel... like screaming and crying and kicking ass and being hungry all at the same time :P It's like coming down off X with the side effects of the marijuana munchies all thrown into one. Today, my friend came over and then I felt bad that he was just sitting there. So, I invited him to play The Urbz with me on 2-player mode. The first thing that pissed me off was that the screen split into 2, making it super hard to navigate. (Okay, I know I shouldn't have been pissed off, but I was spoiled by having the screen all to myself). The next thing that pissed me off was that it took twice as long to do everything because if one of us went shopping for clothes, it would take up the whole screen!

But here's the cake... (and this is how you KNOW you're PMS'ing) When he would go shopping for clothes, he picked all these whacked out colors and clothes and put them together and none of it matched! The whole time, I was thinking, "Good lord! Can't you match your fucking clothes?!?" So yeah, I'm totally PMS'ing today. I just wanna be left alone. Sorry for being a bitch, but once a month, I get creative license.

Happy Holidays!

2004-12-23T14:19:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas, Happy Hannukah, Happy Kwanzaa, Happy Candlemas, Happy Winter Solstice, and any others I forgot...

And a Happy New Year of 2005 if I don't talk to you sooner! :D

*gives each of you a candy cane and a peck on the cheek* ;)

Why Are Penises Getting So Big?!?

2004-12-21T13:17:00.000-08:00

I swear! They're HUGE! It's like everyone is sporting 8 inches! Whatever happened to the 6" average? I mean, if there are guys who are 8-10", then where are the 3-4" guys who are balancing this out? Personally, I've never seen a 3" penis, but that's just me.

One of my g/fs is dating this guy who was so big... he ripped her. WTF? And let me tell you, this girl isn't any stranger to big dicks... Her last b/f was 10"! I can't even imagine! So, for this new guy to rip her (let me reiterate, RIP HER), this guy must have been like... what? 14" lol :P I mean, that's not even human anymore, is it?

I think the smallest penis today must be around 3.5-4". Any smaller, and I think we should call it a clit. So, I think the real average penis size has risen to maybe 6.5-7". That's a big gain for such a small evolutionary time frame! :P I swear. The penis is evolving. For what purpose, I don't know. Maybe to take over the Earth? Stock up on food and supplies now. :P

Destruction - Dreams - Denial

2004-12-19T15:05:00.000-08:00

Destruction - A few nights ago, I tore my bedroom apart in my place. I remember waking up (but not really waking up - just noticing my body as if it were an out of body experience) and I saw myself punching and kicking. I woke up to an overturned bookcase, overturned dresser, and the mattress was on the other side of the room. I had no idea what had happened. For a second, I thought someone was in my apartment.

Dreams - The night after the night tantrum, I had a very vivid dream. Adam was there, and he was looking for me so he could ask for my help with something. We melded together and became this big entity of infinite power. We spent the rest of the dream going back and forth about the pros and cons of an issue. It seemed like we were deciding something very important - something about the existence on humanity and whether or not they should exist. I woke up feeling at peace but needing to analyze what it was all about. I was unsettled.

Denial - Yesterday, I started thinking about humanity and how people have such a large degree of self-interest that guides their existence. I became sad that there were people like gold-diggers or home wreckers. I even started getting mad at anthropological films where the U.S. government forced people off their lands in order to make more money - homes these people have lived in for generations. I started to doubt my own efforts to help others and be a good person. Why should I if it doesn't matter? I was angry that my ideal vision of reality wasn't real.

--------------------------------

Analysis of Destruction - With Chris' help, I realized that to know great good was to know great evil. One of the reasons why I was sad was because I had to admit that many people do bad things, and that everyone has the capacity to be incredibly evil, even me. This is my explanation for the night tantrum. I felt so destructive because I was acknowledging the capacity for destructive evil inside of me. It scared me.

Analysis of Dreams - Adam represents someone who is the piece that completes me. We are both made of good and bad... except his good traits are different than my good traits and my bad traits differ from his bad traits. Together, I feel we complete this sphere of feelings, emotions, and thoughts that humanity has. This is why we were discussing the pros and cons of humanity, because we represented it in entirety. That's why we became the single entity in the dream.

Analysis of Denial - People have as much capacity for destruction as they do for building (analysis of destruction), and humanity is made up of many parts with different ways to deal with their experiences and are attatched by fragile and thin bonds (analysis of dreams). Yes, society may be filled with many immoral people, but it's also filled with people who enrich those around them and therein lies the balance. Without people who want to help others directly (like me) or people who demand retribution for the immoral (like Adam), there is no good - no balance. Although they are different ways of enriching the world, they are the same.

----------------------------------------

Last Words - Humanity wouldn't be humanity without the evil and the good. It is up to each of us to recognize our capacity for both in order to be healthy. For that is where the balance exists - between understanding where others come from and why they think the way they do. Only through balance can we achieve peace. For if we understand each other (through understanding ourselves), there is no discrimination, racism, hate, or prejudice - there is only the fragile balance that defines human nature and complete understanding amongst us all.

Kung Fu Update

2004-12-17T11:52:00.000-08:00

Classes are going great! :) I've been trying to make it to 3 or 4 classes per week. I get a great feeling when I'm learning a few more moves to the forms I'm learning, refining what I've learned already, or even when I'm teaching others what I know :)

A lot of my perceptions about Kung Fu have changed since I started training. I originally wanted to go so I could learn Steel Fan (like Kitana from Mortal Kombat hehe :P), but there is so much more to know than just a weapon. I've learned that while the stuff you see with wirework in Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon isn't real, there are some incredible moves that are real and will make you think, "Wow! Someone came up with that?" (like the butterfly kick). I think it's amazing how some of the senior students have such incredible control over their own bodies - bodies that most of us just slop through our lives in versus actually experiencing, in all its possibilities, everyday.

I've learned that all power is just a redirection of power - that you can manipulate your opponents efforts into your own efforts. In a very real way, it's like the saying goes, "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade." Through Kung Fu, I begin to understand that you have the power to manipulate the circumstances in your life into something that you want your life to be. The hardest part about achieving your goals isn't actually reaching them, it's discovering and understanding how you can take the energies that are currently in play in your life and make them work for you. I think, because of this realization, I was able to land my great new job! :D

Being in Kung Fu has given me something to look forward to during the week. It's so many things wrapped in one: exercising, socializing, learning, teaching, training, disciplining yourself, thinking time, reflection time... and all the while, you're not only learning to defend yourself, you're also learning more about how your body and mind work. Kung Fu class is something that I appreciate with all my heart. I never wish I was somewhere else.

As you all know, I started Kung Fu about 6 weeks ago, a month after I was hospitalized from having my drink drugged at a club. I never suspected that someone could be so evil that they'd end up OD'ing me on date rape drugs and I would be sent to the emergency room coughing up blood and be put on life support for 2 days. After my close call with death, I started to really think about all the things I wanted to do in my life - things I could have possibly never had the chance to do if I had died in the hospital. It sounds funny to me now, but steel fan was one of them hehehe

I still remember feeling like a huge dork at my first class (I almost didn't go! But I'm really glad I did) I couldn't believe how much physical effort went into it all. I was so sore the next day that I couldn't even get out of bed - literally! My abs and thighs hurt so much! Walking up and down stairs after my first class had to be the most painful thing I've had to do in a long time. I still remember it was Matt who made me hold my horse stance for 30 seconds on my first day :P It was also nice that I had my first day with Roger, my partner in crime, so I could feel incompetent with someone else who felt my pain! hehehe :P

But I'm truly grateful for all the knowledge and experiences that my classmates bring to class. It is a joy to interact with all of them and it's nice to be part of a community as solid and friendly as The Harmonious Fist :) I also thank my Sifu for imparting his wisdom and knowledge to us all, for without him, none of this would be possible.

Right now, I've learned Limpo, the first 3 sets of Tan Tui, and am training with 2-section staff (even though I know I'm totally not ready for it :P) Not bad for 6 weeks, huh? ;)

Brand Loyalty

2004-12-16T18:38:00.000-08:00

I'm not super picky or anal when ordering food or eating whatever is on my plate, but when I go food shopping, there are a few things I just won't compromise on or go without:

Sandwich Bread: Weber's Large - This has got to be the moistest bread available in the grocery store and the crust doesn't taste dry or crumbly. It's big enough for a deluxe sandwich and just the right size for a PB & J. All other breads are either dry, have crusts that need to be cut off, or get stale easily. Weber's Large never fails to satisfy and is a real bang for your buck! Plus, it comes in a cute gingham bag :P

Orange Juice: Tropicana, Low Acid, No Pulp - If you want a truly smooth OJ, go for this brand. It doesn't have the "bite" that its more acidic cousin has, which means less cramping and indigestion. I often have trouble getting a glass of normal OJ down quickly because it's so caustic. However, Low Acid goes down nice and smooth and it makes GREAT Screwdrivers!

Pasta and Pasta Sauce: Barilla - Any kind of Barilla product is sure to please. They don't stick together, and it doesn't have that starchy chewyness that a lot of other generic pastas have. It cooks well and some varieties come customized to hold more sauce! The Barilla sauces are awesome! - especially if you bake with them (i.e. lasagna, manicotti) They have a tomato flavor that's not tart like most others and they are naturally chunky.

TV Dinners: Marie Callender's - What more can be said about Marie Callender's TV dinners? They are the porsches of the frozen food section! Made with the best quality ingredients and the most generous portions, Marie Callender's satisfies even the heartiest and most discerning appetites. My personal faves are Chicken Cordon Bleu and Fettucine Alfredo with Chicken and Broccoli. While you can cook them in the microwave, they taste the best when prepared conventionally. This is as good as convenience food gets!

Mexican Food: Trader Joe's Beef Tamales - Forget the Mexican restaurant on the corner! You have to try these frozen wonders! Be sure not to overcook them though, as they will get tough! While microwaveable, they are best steamed! They have just the right spices and flavors along with a great cornmeal outside that all just melts in your mouth! Try them with some salsa!

Follow-the-directions-on-the-box Meal: Tuna Helper in Creamy Broccoli (w/ Chicken of the Sea White Albacore Tuna) - The easiest and best tasting thing you'll ever do. Combine some water, milk, butter, tuna, sauce mix and pasta - cover - wait 11 minutes - voila! Dinner! Seriously, you don't have to do anything with this box dinner. Even boys who have never touched a pan in their lives can prepare this with ease. PLUS, it tastes awesome! Be sure to use albacore canned tuna instead of the cheaper variety. Just think of all the other things you could be doing in the 11 minutes it takes for dinner to cook itself!

Sports Drink: Propel Fitness Water - When you're thirsting for liquids during a hard workout (like Kung Fu!) most sports drinks can be too sugary going down and actually choke you up later in your workout. Not Propel. Propel goes down and feels exactly like water. It does an excellent job of rehydrating you when you need it most. Plus, it nourishes your body with C, B, and E vitamins while still only coming in at 10 calories per 8 oz serving! What more could you want from a sports drink? You can get the giant 32 oz bottles at Wal-Mart for only $1! Lemon is probably the best flavor, although Strawberry Kiwi isn't bad either ;)

Well, that's all that I can think of right now. And now you know what I keep multiples of in my cupboard! I wonder what you guys can't do without? ;) Time to get ready for Kung Fu! And I'll be sure to bring along a Propel Fitness Water in Lemon! ;)

Do you hear what I hear?

2004-12-15T13:35:00.000-08:00

Those of you who are reading this blog right now are part of a giant cultural revolution. Since the advent of blogging, many everyday people, like you and I, have taken to writing their thoughts down in blogs - personal journals accessible via the internet. It is here where people can speak out and have their voices heard on issues that range from politics to literature to rants and raves. Others are able to listen to what others have to say and respond with their own ideas. It is a web of opinions that grows increasingly more intricate and diverse.

Blogs give the average person the power to speak out without taking action. In the past, people's ideas were either relegated to personal diaries, coversations amongst acquaintances, or manifested themselves into political activism. Blogs allow those same ideas to reach a wider audience in a public setting and allows for no identification or action to be taken to have your voice heard.

The gift of blogging has taken our society into a new age where ideas and opinions can and will be heard, whether it's an influential politician or the old lady who works at the corner store. So, take a moment today and every day to say what it is you must say. Tell the people what it is you want them to hear because, right now, I hear the people's voices.

Why are books so wonderful?

2004-12-14T14:27:00.000-08:00

Last nite, I picked my favorite book of all time, Memoirs of a Geisha by Arthur Golden, off the bookshelf and started reading chapter one. It was breathtaking. I was instantly transported into a different time and place and saw things through different eyes and emotions. I was amazed. I had forgotten what an immersive experience that book really is. Before picking up that book last nite, I hadn't read for pleasure since before the semester started. I really think college makes you hate reading. The last thing you want to do after reading textbook after textbook is strain your eyes more by reading for pleasure. Maybe that's just me.

Anyway, it made me wonder why more people don't read. Reading has something for everyone (and I mean everyone!) unlike mainstream TV and movies. It's so much more indelible than sitting and watching TV (except for MXC on Spike TV of course!) Books allow you to be someone else and "do" things you otherwise wouldn't do. I don't know... I'm just in such awe. I'm looking forward to reading more this holiday break :)

Here's a question: What's your All-Time-Favorite Book and why?

Why the Ice Queen loves teaching...

2004-12-13T11:57:00.000-08:00

For people who don't know me very well (or at all), I come off as an icy bitch. I'm not very friendly. I'll scowl at people who stare at me. And I'll give the "Asian death stare" more times to one person in the mall than most asians do to everyone the whole week. I don't like being approached. I hate stupidity and ignorance. But worst of all, I'm jaded and don't think people deserve any credit for just being themselves. To me, you have to prove who you are; you don't just simply exist.

On the other hand, those who know me find me to be warm, sweet, compassionate, silly, playful, and intelligent. It's funny. Sometimes, I wonder how or why my friends got to be my friends in the first place if I'm so stand-offish to begin with. I once asked my guy friends if I was intimidating when they first met me. They all said they were scared of me (including my boyfriends!) Go figure... I guess I'm happy with the arrangement, though. I keep a very small circle of friends and I know all of them are there because not only are they good people, but they are real friends (meaning the guys don't want to get into my pants and the girls aren't out to fuck me over).

So why does the Ice Queen love teaching if she never smiles or laughs? Well, all that stuff I said earlier is reserved specifically for adults... I treat kids completely differently. Kids are open to learning - they thirst for knowledge. They haven't become true assholes - (they may be sensitive or needy, but they are not unbearable as long as you're willing to give them the attention that they desire). I really love teaching kids. It makes me happy to see them learn and get excited about learning. And it gives me a chance to be a role model, and all kids need good role models these days. I'm just glad I have a chance to impact these kids' lives in a positive way. :)

So, on Saturday, I went to teach lessons and the school I work at had a new student for me - a 5 y/o girl named Emma. Her dad came into the lesson to make sure things ran smoothly and I taught her how to handle and treat her instrument, hold the violin, and hold the bow - a lot for a 30 minute lesson! Anyway, I was teaching her to hold the violin using a pedagogical game called "Statue of Liberty" - Step 1 is where you hold the violin out in front of you like the Statue of Liberty holds her torch. So, here are some of the funniest moments:

Me: We're going to call this the Statue of Liberty! Do you know what the Statue of Liberty is?

Her: A statue. (Awwwwwwwwwwwwww. How freaking cute is that?!)

Me: *laughs* Yes, the Statue of Liberty IS a statue - very good! Do you know what the Statue of Liberty does? (I'm expecting a response like "holds a torch")

Her: Represents freedom. (WTF? She's 5 y/o! I was so amazed and surprised by this! LOL)

Me: Wow! That's a much deeper answer than I expected from a 5 y/o! Wow! You're so smart! I wish I could be as smart as you one day! :D

Her: *giggles*

Me: *referring back to the Statue of Liberty pose* So, who are you? (expecting "The Statue of Liberty")

Her: Emma.

How could you not be happy when you work with kids like this? :)

What. The. Fuck.

2004-12-09T17:11:00.000-08:00

This is one of those times that's listed in my blog description as "Sometimes, you're just like WTF?" Please click here, turn up your volume, and... well... yeah.

Mmmm... Mandarin Oranges

2004-12-09T15:31:00.000-08:00

Adam has me addicted to Dole's mandarin orange cups. Bastard! I eat like two of them a day... They are just so yummy! :D Lately, I've just been eating all this terrible (yet tasty) food. When I get stressed out, I eat. Ever since I took psych, I think I eat more because I now know that eating releases happy hormones in the brain. :) Mmmm... happy hormones... mmmm... brain. It's like I justify eating large quantities of food by saying, "Look at me! I'm so grumpy! If you let me eat this *insert 2-serving sized quantity of any junk food here*, then the happy hormones it will release into my brain are going to make it all better, ok?" But seriously, with finals week in its home stretch, Chili-Cheese Fritos and Fruit by the Foots couldn't taste any better! ;)

Speaking of which, I have my last final tonite! Yay! Then, it's all over! Just think... all I have to do is write 4 essays in 2 hours and I'm home free. "Freeeeeeeee! Freeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" (I just quoted Mel Brook's 'History of the World, Part 1' - If you haven't seen it, you have to... just so you know what I'm talking about :P) The countdown has begun... 6 hours, 12 minutes to annihilation of finals week! :D

In the midst of all this, I need to register for my classes next semester. I have no idea what I want to take... or what I'm SUPPOSED to take for that matter... Sometimes, I think I'll never graduate... *sigh* :(

I don't THINK I have a final right now...

2004-12-08T09:38:00.000-08:00

What is wrong with me? I've been missing and forgetting about finals all week! On Monday, I woke up really late - like at noon. But I only did that because I didn't have a final all day. Monday was my day to relax and study and go grocery shopping. So, when I woke up, I was playing on the computer and then decided to grab all my class info and do a schedule of when all my finals were going to be: Anthro - Thursday 8PM, Bio - Thursday 8AM, Chamber Lit. - MONDAY 12:45??? HOLY SHIT! That's in like 15 minutes and I haven't even studied! Chamber Lit. was supposed to be on Wednesday at 12:45! I fucking put on clothes and ran out the door to go take an exam that I thought I had Monday and Tuesday to prepare for. The good news is that the stuff I knew, I totally knew. And the stuff I didn't know? I totally didn't know. Thank God I knew more of the stuff I knew than the stuff I didn't know! So, that was the story of my first final (nice start to the week, eh?) At least I don't have a final on Wednesday anymore :P

On Tuesday nite, I had a final in my Psych 352 class at 8pm. So, I woke up at 1 and just studied and studied. In between cram sessions, I would play with my nunchukas. Dude, those things are so dangerous! I am sore all over! I've hit my hip, my elbows... everything! I'm so surprised I'm not all bruised up! Anyway, around 7:30, I decided to head to class to grab a seat early and get settled before the test began. I thought I was being sneaky because the class enrollment is bigger than the class itself so a lot of people have to steal chairs from other classrooms or sit on the floor. When I got there, I looked through the little window in the door, and everyone was already taking the test! OMG! The final started at 7, not 8! I was almost an hour late! :o So, I had to go steal a desk from another classroom and piss everyone off by pulling it into the room and getting all my shit out... I mean... OMG... Could anything else go wrong this finals week? And, like the title says, I don't THINK I have a final right now... :P

How Badass Am I?

2004-12-07T13:57:00.000-08:00

I went to Kung Fu last nite and upon arrival, my Sifu presented me with my first weapon! :) I am now the proud owner of a 2-section staff (otherwise known as nunchukas) :D They are made of a hard wood and have 7 steel links connecting them to each other. I'm so happy my Sifu entrusted me with these weapons. However, he said if I dropped them under any circumstance that he'd take them away from me and I wouldn't be allowed to train with them ever again. Hmnn, I think I'll glue them to my hand :P

A whole bunch of people got weapons yesterday, but interestingly enough, a bunch of people got different ones - even people I had started with and had as much experience as I had. So, the other weapons some students got were Katas and Escrima sticks. I like to think that the 2-section staff is the most advanced weapon of all 3 of them and the most difficult to master. People told me to cover my teeth with my lips because I'll take out teeth if I don't concentrate! Ouch! I'm not so concerned with my teeth right now. I hit myself in the back of the head, and I hit myself several times in the boob! :( Thank God I have implants. Otherwise, I think I would have been on the floor crying. These things are durable damnit! :D hehehe

For some reason, I got totally wiped out after doing some Lim Po. We had just finished a set and we were about to start another one when I started blacking out and feeling like the life force was being sucked out of me. My heart felt like it was going to explode in my chest. I almost fell down. I had to go sit down and was so embarrassed :( I don't know what happened. I've done some very demanding work in that class before and things like this have never happened. Maybe it's the stress from finals. Maybe it was all the sugary drinks I had before class. Maybe I have diabetes or something. Who knows? :|

My 5th game and my first final

2004-12-06T15:10:00.000-08:00

Over the weekend, I picked up Super Monkey Ball 2 for my new Gamecube :) It was only $20. So, I was like, "What they hey?" Now my guests for this Friday's party will have an extra game to play! :D But, I'll doubt we stop playing Super Mario Party 4 and Super Smash Bros Melee! :P I still want Soul Caliber 2 for Gamecube, Super Mario Party 5 and Super Mario Party 6, Mario Extreme Tennis (I think that's what it's called), Pokemon Colloseum, and Pikmin 2 ;) I'm a gaming fanatic! I swear! I can't stop! :D

Well, I was going to write about my first final... but I think I'm going to go play Gamecube instead :P hehehe Have a good Monday! I know I will ;)

Valley Girls and Hospitals

2004-12-03T08:49:00.000-08:00

I was talking on the phone with Adam for the first time last nite, and he told me I have a Valley Girl accent. He tells me I say "like" and "totally" and "ohmigawd" a lot. This is true. The funny thing is that, these days, I really live in the Valley :P Everyone always asks me if I was born here or if I grew up here because I apparently have such a thick Valley accent which is interesting because I was born in Chicago and grew up in San Diego... Where my Valley accent came from, I dunno. I guess I was always meant to end up in the Valley... like some sort of weird homecoming... a reuniting with my homeland hehehe :P I had a choice to go to Ohio or New York or Northern California for college... but what did I do? Yup, go to the Valley... Sometimes, I wonder if that was the best choice, but then I say to myself: "Like, ohmigawd! Totally!" hehehe ;)

So, last night, I left the sanctuary of the Valley to make a trip down to San Diego because I had a meeting at 7:30 AM with the MediCal guy at the hospital where I was hospitalized a couple months ago. 7 freaking 30 AM in the morning... OMG... I don't think I'll ever recover... The worst part was I had a class from 7-10pm last nite and then had to drive my ass 3 hours down. Then, when I got here, I was so hungry! So, I picked up my sister and we went to a Denny's... Thank God for Denny's! :D

Anyway, I went to the hospital this morning and on the way, I passed by my old hospital room and I dunno what came over me but I started to feel really heavy inside. Like, I started to think, "OMG, I could have died 2 months ago!" It was like this after-the-fact epiphany. I guess living in Los Angeles, where life is so fast-paced and everything happens on a schedule, we forget just the fact that we're here and we're able to pursue whatever we wish. I appreciate the fact that I'm alive and able to share my thoughts with my blogger friends :) I appreciate the opportunity to drive down to San Diego and back up to LA within 12 hours. I appreciate all the love and support I've received throughout the years. So thank you to all of you who read and thank you to all those who care. :) I'm glad I'm able to share my life with you. Also, please send your best wishes to Mel and her family in their time of need. Thank you :)

I'm a N.I.T.

2004-12-01T18:38:00.000-08:00

That means Nina-In-Training... I woke up at 8:30 this morning to make 40 homemade creampuffs from scratch for my work's holiday party. I finished them at 11:10! That's like 2 hours and 40 minutes of creampuffery in the making! While that's no 400 truffles or anything, I'm working on it ;) I'm proud to say I'm a full-fledged Nina-In-Training hehehe :P I have to make these fuckers for my Kung Fu holiday party on the 11th... except then, I have to make 80! *sigh*

The kewl part about making the homemade creampuffs was all the compliments I received. One person said that it "tasted like the holidays" to which another person broke down into "30% Xmas, 30% Hannukah, 30% Kwaanza, and 10% other..." lol They really do taste like the holidays! The secret ingredient is nutmeg :) It makes everything taste holiday-ish... kinda like vocal jazz ;)

Anyway, I played 4 more hours of Mario Party 4 by myself today. I'm bent on winning all the stupid things you can collect by finishing the games. I've noticed that Gamecube games center around collecting stupid little trophies. I'm only collecting them because I'm sure you get some kind of special thing at the end of the game... like an extra bonus stage or something... maybe I should check a walkthrough or something.

Holy Crap

2004-11-30T23:43:00.000-08:00

I am SOOOOOO addicted to the Gamecube! I just played like 7 freaking hours straight with my friend, Jenn. She thought we were gonna play viola duets, but no! We played 7 hours of video games along with a pizza party! :P bwahahahaha

I have finals next week. I should really be studying or something, but Mario beckons to me... hehehe :P My Gamecube party is next Friday, after all my finals are done. We're gonna drink ourselves silly and then play games all night... Can we say caramel apple martinis? ;) Dee-licious! :D

Next order of business: Get Little Eyes to buy a Gamecube ;)

It's all Grace's and Nina's fault!

2004-11-29T10:16:00.000-08:00

I guess I should comment on Thanksgiving first... It was really fun. There was lots of yummy food - my mom's stuffing is the best! I showed off my Kung Fu moves to the family, and they were all impressed. In the process of demonstrating my defensive techniques, I dropped Chelle on her ass hehehe :P We met my sister's new b/f, Greg. After dinner, we all played poker; my mom cleaned us the fuck out. Thank God she gave me my money back. Otherwise, I would have had to add that to my "Holiday Shennanigans" account. :P The next day I sang Karaoke all day - Immortality by Celine Dion is my bitch ;) Then, I met my dad and sister for a buffet dinner. However, the most important thing that happened was that after telling my parents about my super tight budget, they felt sorry for me and gave me $100 each... Score! So, now I have $200. Oh, what to do with it? :P

Well, this is where the real story begins... I was talking to David on the way down to SD, and we were talking about Gamecubes. He said I should just suck it up and buy one - I was like, "I have no money". I thought I might ask for one for Xmas. But then, Chris tells me there is a Gamecube sale at Gamestop. So, I decide to go check it out.

I'm standing there with a Gamecube in my hands debating whether I should buy it... Just then, Devil Grace and Devil Nina appear on my shoulders (I'm sure Devil Mike was somewhere in the background hehe)

Me: But it's so expensive! I should use this $200 for an oil change or something useful.
Grace: But Pikmin 2 and Paper Mario are the best games EVER!
Nina: She's right! Even I bought one.
Grace: Yeah, look! Even Nina bought one.
Nina: Figure it this way: You can spend the $200 on Xmas presents for other people who won't like what you got for them anyway, or you can get a Gamecube all for yourself.
Grace: All for yourself! Mwahahahahaha! Oops. Sorry.
Nina: C'mon, Quyen. Join the club! It's a big party, and you're invited! :D 'Please bring all your purchases to the register. Thank you! Come again.'
Grace: C'mon. Be one of the kewl kids. Buy a Gamecube. You wanna be kewl, don't you???
Mike: *sings "Wind Beneath my Wings" in the background*

So, giving in to peer pressure, I bought a wonderful silver Gamecube, 2 controllers, a memory card, a game carrying case, and 4 games: Mario Party 4, Super Smash Bros. Melee, Mario Kart: Double Dash, and Final Fantasy: Crystal Chronicles. Can we say Gamecube party? ;)

I have a lot of food on my plate...

2004-11-22T18:44:00.000-08:00

...but I'm a big eater. :P I've been asked to write a book for tutors and educators on the benefits of games and models in education. If it's as good as I think it will be, I think it will be distributed throughout the CSU and UC system to beef up their tutoring programs :) Isn't that kewl? I hope to finish writing the book by February.

As for my new job, it's been taking off... I've been asked to teach 7 classes (possibly 9) and I've had new students rolling in like crazy! Who knows? It might even become my primary job! :) The best thing about it is that the pay is great! I might not have to be on a budget anymore! bwahahahaha! :P

I hung out with Jenn today to go grocery shopping and we had such a great time! Who knew people do a little "cake mix dance" while they browse the baking aisle? LOL *bwahahaha, Jenn* :P hehehe ;) Anyway, after much talk about how we've never seen an angry person eating an ice cream cone but we have seen an angry person suck dick (and what that says about dick hehehe), she conned me into practicing with her for the L.A. Marathon... How the fuck did I get roped into this? And here's the clincher - she wants to go for a 7-mile run tonite... right after my 2 hour Kung Fu class! Can we say, "Owie"? :P

Yay! I have a second job!

2004-11-19T10:23:00.000-08:00

Well, I always did have a 2nd job, but there was no work for me for a long time. But I got two calls last night from the owner and manager of the music school I teach at, and they have some new work for me! :D Yay! I'm so excited! They want me to teach a couple violin students and 2 group piano classes. This is funny because I don't really play piano. I've only taken a few piano classes in college. However, I'm really good at teaching and pedagogy, and I'm sure I can design a good curriculum out of some method books.

The funniest thing is that they want me to teach cello! I mean... WTF? I don't even play cello! Well, I DO play viola da gamba, but it IS kinda different. So, they are saying that they will pay for me to take some lessons so I can start teaching cello. How kewl is that? The only drawback is that I have to buy my own cello... :( Hmnn... Is it really worth it to buy a cello just so I can teach beginning cello lessons?

But this opportunity is really kewl! I've already designed the music theory class I'll be teaching in January :D That class is gonna be so kick ass! So, in total, I'll be teaching 4 group classes: 2 piano, 1 violin, and 1 music theory; and private violin and viola students (and possibly cello too!) The only thing I have left to do now is buy some moo-moos and dumpy clothing so I can look "conservative" as a teacher... hehehe Why do teachers always look like multi-colored crap? It really disturbs me :P hehehe

This is ridiculous...

2004-11-18T10:54:00.000-08:00

So, I woke up this morning because I had to go pee. I don't usually get up, but I thought I might pee on myself if I fell back asleep lol :P Anyway, I never get back to sleep after I pee. So, I just layed there in bed thinking about my day. I only had a 30 minute break to eat between 12:30 and 1. The next time I had a break was at 5... So, naturally, I thought of waht I was going to eat for lunch. I was mentally going through my pantry, freezer, and fridge while warm under the covers... I soon realized that I had fried all the potstickers, steamed all the frozen tamales, made all the sandwiches, and drank all the juice and soymilk. Shit. What am I gonna eat for lunch?

So, I got out of bed and started looking everywhere for food. Nothing... This is what I get for missing grocery shopping day. I'm too busy all the other days to go shopping :( Fuck. So, my choices were canned mushrooms or condiments... Luckily, I found a box of Krusteaz brownie mix on a shelf. So, here I am at 7:30 in the morning baking brownies so I can have some sort of "lunch" later in the day. That idea, in itself, is so wrong. The worst part is that I'm sitting there mixing the brownies and wondering what the hell I'm gonna do for dinner. I'm never missing grocery day again :(

Something I've been wondering about lately...

2004-11-17T14:08:00.000-08:00

Why do men like having sex with their socks on? WTF is that??? I just don't get it... Sometimes, they like wearing their tennis shoes too! I see it on porn all the time... it's either guys with socks or socks AND tennis shoes! What... are they gonna go running afterwards? Maybe it's because they have to run out of the house once the girl's husband comes home. Maybe it's cuz boys can't fucking tie bows... :P You know what I'm talking about... when they just kick off their shoes without untying them? Personally, I like men's feet. I like how they're all veiny and shit... it's so masculine... I feel the same way about men's hands... Meow. :D Somehow, a man with really tiny hands and completely smooth skin on their hands (sans veins) just looks wrong... Oh oh... and you know what I REALLY like? Those really long veins that go up their forearms... Hubba-hubba! ;)

On another note, never buy your prescription drugs from Canadian pharmacies! They have lousy customer service! Grrrrrr... >:(

Multi-Talented Opera Divas

2004-11-16T16:34:00.000-08:00

A famous diva and a male patron were talking in the Green Room after an opera performance.

The man says to the diva: "Madam, your voice is so exquisite! Have you any other talents equal to your beautiful singing?"

The diva blushes and motions the man to come closer. She whispers in his ear: "As a matter of fact, I can give head and sing opera at the same time!"

The man says he doesn't believe her and asks her to prove it. So, they go backstage into her dressing room and she tells him to take off his pants and sit down on one of the chairs. The man sits on one of the chairs and the diva starts to walk away from him.

"Where are you going?" asks the man.

"Oh, I can only do it in the dark. I'm going to turn the lights off. Just relax," the diva replies.

The diva turns off the lights and makes her way to the man sitting in the chair. Immediately, he feels her lips wrap around his cock and start to slide up and down the shaft. And then, she starts singing a beautiful Mozart aria. Between the incredible blowjob and the stunning vocal performance, he only lasts about a minute before he cums.

As he drove home, he thought long and hard. It was impossible! How could she give him a blowjob and sing at the same time? He was determined to find out.

The next night, he attended another showing of the opera and again he met the diva in the Green Room after the show and asked her to perform for him again. They go back to her dressing room and she tells him to take his pants off and sit down. This time, the man opts for a chair near the light switch so he can flip them on as soon as he's done cumming.

The lights turn off, and again, he feels her warm mouth take his cock in. It starts to slide up and down as she performs a stunning performance of a Pucini recitative et aria. Just like last time, the blowjob was so good and the singing so beautiful that it takes him only two minutes to cum. But as soon as he's done cumming, he flips on the lights...

...and sees her glass eye on the table. :D

Self Worth for Dummies, Part II

2004-11-14T11:15:00.000-08:00

well, if you're going to read this, you might as well read this.

Moving right along...

The obese girl has learned "learned helplessness" (like the baby elephant), the idea that she must change in order to be "normal", or some combination of both of these things. At the root of these feelings is the idea that they are inadequate. "If I lose weight, people will like me more." "No one likes me because I'm fat." These are statements where feelings of inadequacy prevail and thus, lends to a desire to prove something to others or oneself. "I'll show them. I'll lose weight and then they'll see I'm just like them." "There's no use in trying to be friendly. It never works anyway." In one case, the person feels inadequate and wants to prove to others that they are, in fact, adequate. In the other, the person feels inadequate but feels helpless to effect change. So, feelings of inadequacy lend themself to the need to prove something to others or oneself.

Therein lies the vicious cycle. The person trying to lose weight is only feeding the idea that she is not okay how she is - lack of self-worth. The person who doesn't see the sense in trying has accepted that there is something wrong with her - lack of self-worth. And if the person has a mix of these feelings, then they're in serious trouble. But you see, the more the person tries to lose weight, the more they tell themself that being how they are is not acceptable. And the more the person accepts that there is nothing they can do can change her situation, the more they will tell themself that there's something inherently wrong with who they are. It's a vicious cycle, and it's hard to get out of... But there is a way...

People need to accept that they are okay just the way they are. They have to know for themselves that who and what they are is acceptable. They have to let go of the feelings of inadequacy through deciding not to try to prove themselves. One of the things I realized was that I was always trying to be better to prove to someone else that I was good enough, smart enough, fast enough, skinny enough, sexy enough, kind enough, etc... And as long as I tried, I was telling myself that who I was was never going to be adequate.

It was my fault that I felt this way because I should have seen that who I am is acceptable and enough for me... and that is all that matters. I learned that I don't need the approval of other people to know that I'm good enough, because I am. I discovered that if someone doesn't believe that you are adequate enough, then that's their problem. If they don't think that you are adequate just the way you are, then that's not a relationship you need to have, whether it's your boss, your friend, or your wife.

So, to the obese girl, I would say, "You're okay just the way you are. If they don't think so, then that's their problem. As long as you're okay with yourself, then that's perfectly fine. Stop caring what other people think. Do things because you want them for you, not because you are trying to please someone else. You have no obligation to anyone but yourself." :)

Self Worth for Dummies, Part I

2004-11-14T10:01:00.000-08:00

This blog is going to be very long and very cathartic. So, if you don't want to read about my personal issues, then get up now and go play some Halo 2 ;) hehehe

We all learn things from our relationships. Sometimes, we learn them as we're going through them, and sometimes, we learn them after everything is all said and done and we've had a chance to reflect. The one major thing I learned from my most recent relationship is the importance of self-worth. In this blog, I'm going to go through my theories on how people get thrown into a vicious cycle of feeling inadequate and what I think it takes to get out.

For me, I was raised with the idea that it was okay to perform for recognition and praise. I was a national competitor on viola and I was also pitted against my sisters for the "best child" award. Wherever I went, I always had to prove something to other people - to prove that I was good enough: the best daughter, the best violist. I always was the best too, and that reinforced the idea that it was okay to do things solely for recognition. Looking back on it, there is a big difference between doing those things for myself or doing them because I wanted to please others.

Last Friday, I was working in the writing lab and this very overweight girl came in for an appointment with me. She was so overweight that I could hear her labored breathing from across the room as I was gathering my materials. When I sat down, I introduced myself and shook her hand, like I always do with clients. But she was very distant and stand-offish. I decided I needed to win her friendship in order for her to really get anything out of her tutoring session. Some people may disagree with my methods, but I make it a point to be extra nice to people who society may not be generally nice to. In about 8 minutes, she was smiling and enjoying how much she was learning. I'd like to think that, in some way, I made her day a little better.

But within this girl lies my cycle theory. It's a proven fact that better looking people are more likely to get a job versus less attractive people, even though they have the same qualifications. This points to some modicum of prejudice towards unattractive people just for their appearance. That easily transfers over to obese people, retarded people, and nerdy people. Whatever is not perceived as normal or kewl is automatically discriminated.

Now, these "abnormal" people may try to be nice to others, but with a level of prejudice going against them, they are going to have to work harder, and in some cases, they won't ever succeed. Take the baby elephant who is raised at the circus as an example. When the elephant is a baby, the trainer puts a chain on its left back ankle and attatches it to an 8-foot steel rod driven deep into the ground. The baby elephant doesn't have enough strength to get away even though it may try and try. Eventually, the baby elephant will give up and realize there is no way to get away and therefore, no reason for even trying. As an adult elephant, you will still notice that their left back ankle doesn't move during a circus performance. The elephant has learned "learned helplessness".

Let's take this example and apply it to the obese girl. The obese girl may have tried to be nice and friendly to people before. But it's possible that people discriminated against her because of her weight or appearance. If enough people ignored her friendly gestures, she would probably notice that there was no point in trying to be friendly - she would always be met with the same fate - just like the baby elephant not being able to move. The obese girl has also learned "learned helpelessness".

This becomes more complex when we add in the concept of self worth. Why did the girl become so discouraged when enough people had treated her badly? Why didn't she have the self-worth to not care. And herein lies our problem... We are all born thinking we are perfectly acceptable. After birth, we take our cues of "abnormality" from our parents and society. A person with a low IQ doesn't realize it's low until something else points it out. And from a very early age, we start to put a lot of emphasis on the opinions of others. We start to derive our world from the opinions of others.

It is my opinion that the obese girl did not know or realize that anything was wrong with her. Only after encountering people who discriminated against her on the basis of her weight and provided her with the idea that she was not "acceptable" did she realize that maybe how her body naturally was was, somehow, not okay. Once she realized this, she can either lose weight (thereby reinforcing the idea that she must change in order to be accepted), or she can decide not to change (necessarily believing that there is nothing she can do about it - learned helplessness). Either way, she necessarily believes that she is not adequate enough according to the opinions of others.

Looks like this is going to be longer than I thought... Time for lunch and we'll meet back here later! :D To be continued... hehehe :P

I'm a single mother...

2004-11-12T17:52:00.000-08:00

...and I need to take on a second job to support my children... Okay, so I was joking about being a single mother :P But really, i need a second job before I'm "laid off" from my first job. I work as a writing tutor at my college for $8.50 an hour... It's fun, easy work :) However, the Writing Center closes at the end of November... That means no more money :( If I don't get a job soon, I'll starve, damnit! :P

So far, I've been told to apply to Starbuck's, Robinson's May, and Marie Callender's as a hostess or bakery person... How fun would it be to decorate pies all day! And then, I'd have a valuable and marketable skill - pie decorating! :P Imagine that putting itself to use in the workplace ;)

Seriously... I've been thinking about applying for telemarketer positions or maybe applying at Frederick's of Hollywood. I'd really like something that pays a little better, but it doesn't really matter because I'm gonna be doing jack shit for about 7 weeks while I'm off school... Kung Fu class is only 8 hours a week, people... I really need something else to occupy my time between Ramen and kicking ass :P

Jerry Springer's "Final Thoughts"

2004-11-12T11:29:00.000-08:00

Firstly, all this quibbling in the comments section needs to stop. My blog is not called "Refutation Junction", ok? If you want to attack me, that's fine - write me an e-mail. But, don't make it uncomfortable for other readers to come to my blog and enjoy what is written. Thank You.

Secondly, by this time, I'm sure you are all aware that Chris and I broke up. Thanks for all the beers, ladies :) I'm not going to go into details of the why and how because I respect the sanctity of our relationship. And Chris, I would very much like it if you wouldn't bring personal details of my life, my family, or our relationship into this blog. I would hope that you respect my life and privacy as much as I respect yours. Painting a negative image of one another is not in the best interest of either of us. If you want to do so, publish your own blog and I will link you, ok?

Lastly, I want to apologize to all my faithful blog readers for all the drama that has ensued in the comments section of the last three posts. Thank you to all those who supported me and kept reading, despite the drama :) I really appreciate the sense of community that we've achieved here and I love the banter that we engage in! hehehe :P

Having said that, "back to our regularly scheduled program..." ;)

Trust and Relationships

2004-11-11T08:36:00.000-08:00

- When one person doesn't trust another person, it hurts both people. The one who doesn't have trust for the other gets hurt because they become paranoid and think the other person is always hurting and betraying them. The person who is being mistrusted gets hurt because they don't have the ability to effect change. This sets up the creation of limits and boundaries.

For example, if a wife thinks her husband is cheating, she will always be fearful and hurt because he will always be betraying her trust (whether he is cheating or not). The husband will be hard pressed to prove that he is not cheating without putting himself into a situation where his wife can dictate what is and is not acceptable behavior in the form of limits or boundaries.

- When a person doesn't trust another person, it makes the person who is not being trusted fearful of the other person. The person who is not trusted will eventually and inevitably do all the things they would otherwise do in their idea of a trusting relationship because that is their right as an individual. However, they will be afraid of telling the distrusting person the truth. The person who is not trusted then begins to not tell the person who is not trusting them everything. This is the beginning of lies.

For example, a guy fears his boyfriend is up to no good because he's been spending lots of time partying. The guy starts to not trust his b/f. To appease the guy, his b/f will stop partying until he realizes that in a trusting relationship, he would be able to party with no problems. The b/f keeps partying, but it is done behind the guy's back. Had the guy trusted his b/f in partying, there would be no reason to go behind his back. However, because mistrust is present, the boyfriend begins to lie in order to cut a compromise between appeasing the guy and living his own life the way he thinks he should be able to.

- When one person places limits or boundaries on another, the other person is always under pressure to perform at a certain level. This sets up expectation for one person and makes that person a specimen that is always under observation. When a boundary is set, it not only breeds distrust, but it also makes the other person conform to a standard that is not their own. This, in turn, changes the chemistry of the original relationship into a dominant and recessive relationship: the dominant person having control and dealing the mistrust and the recessive person always trying to prove that they should be trusted.

For example, a girl tells her girlfriend that she shouldn't hang around her ex-g/f. The girl's g/f is now under pressure to not hang around her ex-g/f. The girl, after having set the boundary, might feel that her g/f is still betraying her trust, despite the boundary she set. The g/f always feels like she has to console the girl even though she is not doing anything wrong. The boundary has set up a dichotomy wherein the girl is demanding something and it is up to the g/f to deliver.

- When one person becomes dominant, and the other recessive, the recessive one is really the one in power. The dominant person sets up a standard that the recessive one must meet. However, the recessive person's only job is to stop playing into the standard, and the dominant person's world will collapse. The dominant person becomes and stays dominant on the premise that the recessive will stay and keep meeting the standards set for them by the dominant person.

For example, a man abuses his wife. The man's abuse depends on the wife staying abused. As soon as she asserts herself to the point where she will no longer tolerate her husband's abuse, the husband no longer has dominancy over his wife. However, as long as the wife keeps taking the abuse, she will always stay abused.

Car Jacking and Rape

2004-11-10T11:03:00.000-08:00

Firstly, be wary of carjackers! There is a new method that carjackers are using. Imagine... you are walking to your car, you get inside, you lock your doors, put your seatbelt on, start the car, put your car in reverse and look behind you to back out of your parking space, but there is a sheet of paper on your rear window blocking your view. So, you put your car in park, undo your seatbelt, unlock your doors and hop outside to get the thing off your rear window. Meanwhile, a carjacker jumps in your running car (with your purse on the passenger's seat if you're a woman) and takes off, almost running over you in the process! The carjacker now has your car, your housekeys, and if you left your purse in your car, your Driver's License with your home address on it! Be aware of this new carjacking method! It's been a big problem in San Diego lately and was a warning issued by the San Diego Police Department.

Secondly, I was thinking about rape last night for some reason, and I came up with a couple ideas for rape prevention... What if, as the guy (or girl) was trying to rape you, you screamed, "I have AIDS! I have AIDS!" Would that deter the person from raping you? I was just wondering... it sounds like it would work, right? What if you screamed some other very contagious STD? I wonder if they would just kill you for having an STD in the first place... Hmnn...

Just a couple things to think about from your favorite, neighborhood, crime-fighting Quyen :D

Why Chris doesn't let me drink anymore...

2004-11-09T11:38:00.000-08:00

It was my 21st birthday. My family threw me a very elaborate get together at the Holiday Inn starting with a Mimosa breakfast and ending with July 4th fireworks on the balcony :) I got all sorts of liquor related paraphenelia for my B-day: Grey Goose, bartending set, bartending books, shot set, tidbit trays, etc... So, fast-forward to the bar scene...

We just got back from the Padres game and we started ordering long island iced teas and midori sours... then we started playing pool and being those loud obnoxious drunks you see playing pool... hehehe It was me, my mom, Chris, and my mom's b/f, Lou. The boys didn't drink that much because the girls were plastered. Eventually, they decided to take us up to the hotel room to sober up before our Ruth's Chris dinner :) My mom starts going to sleep in one bed and Chris and I are resting in the other. Then, my mom starts screaming "Peanuts! Where are the peanuts?"... which soon became, "Penis! Where's Lou's penis?"

I wasn't paying attention because I was busy trying to unbutton Chris' shirt. I started kissing down his chest and was under the covers trying to undo his belt... which was really fucking hard because I was fucked up, and it was hard to breathe under the covers... but I persisted hehehe :) I don't remember this, but Chris says I was trying to give him a blowjob under the covers... with my mom and her b/f in the next bed... hahahaha :D

Chris is always telling me how I tried to molest him and that he felt so bad because my mom's b/f had to go out on the balcony in order to not watch us (small hotel room) :P I just have to imagine Chris and this old man looking at each other while a big "cover monster" is hovering over his crotch on the bed. LOL He's also always saying that it was so embarrassing to have me doing that with my mom in the next bed... whatever... she had one of those things on her head that keeps the light out... plus, she passed out...

I passed out later, but Chris says I was awake the whole time trying to seduce him... BS... I fell asleep! My version includes sleeping for an hour and then waking up to see Jenni's new shoes :) Ever since then, Chris thinks I'm a randy drunk... He only likes me drinking around my g/fs cuz he's afraid of how I get around other boys when I drink... to which I say "Bah! I just fall asleep!" hehehe j/k :P

Kung Fu Monster

2004-11-08T10:59:00.000-08:00

OMG... I'm so sore... my knees hurt like a bitch last nite... and this morning, I woke up with sore quads... owie... I have Kung Fu class tonite again... yay! :) I'm such a masochist :P

So, I've been thinking about something Chris said when he came over this weekend. He's like, "Wow, babe. Your shoulders are so broad now. You're so buff! You're a Kung Fu Monster!" Now, I don't know how to take that. Is that supposed to be a good thing??? So, I went and tried on some dresses and all I could see in the mirror was a Kung Fu Monster in a dress... That's so fucked up! Now I have a complex! hahaha Seriously though, I feel like a football player with long, rockstar hair...

On a more positive note, he said my body looks so fit now. And he's noticed how I can open large and heavy doors by myself now :) I'm glad I'm taking Kung Fu classes now... cuz the next time he says something fucked up, I'm gonna kick his ass :P hehehe ;)

I heart Chris...

2004-11-07T18:40:00.000-08:00

Chris came to visit me after almost 5 weeks of not seeing each other. It was really nice to see him (but a little weird at first) Do you ever have those periods when you aren't with your significant other for awhile and you start to get set into your own little routine? Things like taking up the whole bed by yourself, not having sex, going to sleep late, etc? Well, it was kinda weird having Chris visit, even though I was happy and excited that we got to see each other. When we tried to have sex, it was all weird... maybe it's because I haven't had sex in so long! It was like I was uncomfortable and it felt like I didn't know him anymore. I just couldn't relax. I hate saying the word "weird" so much, but it was just... weird.

However, things were better after we spent the night together. We ended up playing more X-men Legends in skirmish mode, went to Chili's, watched some Lord of the Rings, and he even came to my kung fu class to watch me sweat profusely for two hours... and then bought me pizza :D hehe Isn't he great? :)

While he was sleeping this morning, I went online and read some of my past blogs about our relationship: where it's been, where it's going... I really do love this man. I can't wait to live together one day :) When I dropped him off, I was sad. I wanted to spend more time with him. It's ironic. Just when it seems like I've gotten used to living without him, he comes back and shows me that the one thing I really want is to start living with him. None of this once a month stuff... He and I... 24/7 :)

His Bday is on the 15th... I'm trying to decide what I should do for him ;)

Psychic Powers

2004-11-05T10:58:00.000-08:00

After reading Mike's blog, I couldn't resist writing my own post about the subject.

Psychic powers are real. Just because you can't see something doesn't mean it doesn't exist. Centuries ago, people thought that gravity was "witchcraft" until a scientific theory was formed and it was tested. Just because people didn't understand gravity long ago didn't mean it didn't exist. With time, we'll start to discover the true workings of our psychic powers.

Just because psychic powers aren't widely accepted doesn't mean there isn't information on research that was conducted on it. The U.S. government was a great proponent of psychic research and development during the Cold War. Russia also has well-documented information on psychic warfare research. However, their development was halted with the signing of the agreement between the U.S. and Russia to stop developing nuclear weapons. In fact, like legislature, their is a sub-clause near the bottom of the contract that specifies the end of psychic warfare development. China was never part of this contract and continues to be a major world leader in psychic warfare.

To augment the validity of other's claims on the existence of psychic phenomena are my own experiences. When I was younger, I trained to develop my own psychic powers. Everyone has different abilities and are more likely to learn certain skills rather than others. Some of these skills include, clairvoyance (viewing knowledge), clairaudience (hearing knowledge), clairirevent (sp? psychic dreams), Astral travel (out of body experiences - OBEs), telepathy, telekinesis, etc... My specialties were Astral travel, just "knowing" the future (unlike clairvoyance where you have to look at a mirror or crystal ball to see images of the future), and telekinesis. At the height of my abilities, these powers included being able to "teleport" to any location within 3,000 miles of my physical location and describe, in detail, location of furniture, north-south-east-west directions, where people were and what they were doing, how rooms were structured, colors and even events like whether a light was flickering on and off. My other power, telekinesis, is much weaker. I can give people "psychic hugs" - which make them feel warm and loved, although you can substitute pain and anguish to be distributed to the person as well. I can also "trace" shapes on a person's skin. At the height of my power, I could, at a long physical distance, give my boyfriend a "psychic blowjob" and make him cum without him even having to do anything... pretty kewl, huh? ;) Anyway, I can't do that anymore... Chris is disappointed :P

Anyway, I could get testimony about how incredible my powers are and what specifically I can do with them. My friend, Jean, feels my powers helped save her life one night, literally. It's a crazy story ;) I could get her to post it if you guys are interested :) Alas, I can't do it anymore. I denied my powers after scaring myself with a tarot reading I did without the party's knowledge, meaning I didn't tell them, and they weren't there to "suggest" things or ideas to - my own personal experiment. Everything ended up being true, and it scared me. There's a point when you even doubt your own abilites. I never really thought I had any real power; I thought it was all just for fun. But it turns out that I did. And what's more is I demonstrated my proficiencies time and time again with incredible results.

So, I guess I just have to defend psychic powers because I believe they truly do exist. Whether psychic healing exists? I don't know. I've never been successful with it. However, I do know what I experienced is real, as do those who have had the opportunity to witness it as well.

sigh

2004-11-03T15:40:00.000-08:00

I'm so disappointed.

I thought Americans were more enlightened than this.

This just sends shivers down my spine.

I am so tired...

2004-11-01T10:05:00.000-08:00

I'm about to pass out here at work. I stayed out till 3am last nite. My friend, David, and I went to West Hollywood's Carnaval. Parking was crazy, and I ended up getting a parking ticket for parking in a no parking zone :( Oh well, we had tons of fun. The costumes were AMAZING! We took pictures with a box of McDonald's French Fries, Jessica (so pretty!) and Roger Rabbit, a giant white unicorn (this guy was basically naked and painted his whole body white!), Buddha... so many people - so many costumes! My fave was a really old woman dressed as an Xmas tree who went around saying, "The only thing I want for Xmas is a new President!" hehe how cute :)

The music was great and everyone was having so much fun! It makes me happy to see people get together for something and just smile :) There were way too many drag queens :P It was the most unoriginal costume haha j/k :P Then, there were the transsexuals who were soooooooooo pretty. I was like, "Shit! I could never be that pretty!" There were times when I felt I was watching a "He or She?" edition of Maury Povich... :P I would sit there and I really couldn't tell to save my life. Unwittingly, David ended up hitting on a few hehe :P

I've decided that I don't like crowds. Too many really nasty men were touching me and crap. That's just not okay. And what the hell does "shorty" mean? I passed this guy, and he was like, "Real sexy, shorty." I'm anything but short. I must have been 6 feet tall in my 'come fuck me' boots. I imagine it's a trendy new word... *sigh*... I'm just not up on the times...

My feet hurt so much last nite! I had to take off my boots and walk barefoot! I was stepping on all sorts of shit too! ...like berries and pebbles and this horrible cobblestone sidewalk. My pantyhose are jacked right now. We got so lost in WeHo! We were there like an hour longer than we needed to be. But we met a lot of kewl people and I got my scare of the evening when some guy hid behind a tall bush and jumped out to scare me. Okay, okay... he was actually just standing in a shady corner of a residential driveway trying to light a cigarette... but he scared the shit out of me, nonetheless! He was like, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry." hehe :P

Sorry this blog is weird... I can't think straight... I just want to go back to bed :) After we left Carnaval, we met up with a few of our friends at Denny's who were supposed to meet us at Carnaval but didn't because they were sick of fighting the traffic to get there. It was a really fun night! :D

What time is it?

2004-10-29T11:29:00.000-07:00

I woke up this morning, instantly. It's the kind of waking up you do when you feel like a truck just hit you or you just remembered something really important. I immediately looked at my alarm clock - blank... not the blank where it's flashing, either... just blank. I look at my cell phone: Shit! It's 9:15... I'm late for work and I'm still in bed! I get up and go look at the microwave to see if its display is blank too - yup, it is. I instinctively go to the fridge to check if the food is still cold... Gross... it's room temperature... I hope my milk didn't go bad... Should I throw it away? I brush my teeth in the dark and then run to work... So, here I am... this sucks... I hate blackouts in the morning :(

Anyway, I'm deciding what to do for Halloween and I came across this kewl site... I think Jenn and David are gonna come out with me on Sunday night to West Hollywood's Carnaval after Jenn is done with work... I'm still deciding what I should be... because I'm on a budget, I don't want to spend money on a new costume... So, I was thinking of being a porn star and just wear some lingerie that I have around the house hehe My friend said I should get a cheap blonde wig and be Marilyn Monroe... I said, "I can't believe you said that! What? I'm gonna be a Marilyn Monroe with slanty eyes?" hahaha Jenn is gonna be a dominatrix (whip and all) and David is gonna be our pimp or something like that :P

What is everyone else doing for Halloween? Anyone have ideas of some cheap costumes? Chris thinks I should be a boy... but how am I gonna get drinks paid for me if I'm a boy? Wait, I'll be in West Hollywood... I just might get a cute boy to buy me a drink after all ;)

Blogs and Porn in the 1920's...

2004-10-28T15:54:00.000-07:00

First, I'd like to say, "Where did all the blogs go?" Did everyone just get up and take a vacation??? Nobody is posting anymore... I better see some blogs, people. Otherwise, it's curtains for all of you... hehehe :P

Secondly, was there pornography in the 1920's? My sources say: yes, there was. So, my next question... Do you think the same fetishes existed back in the day? Think water sports, scat play, beastiality, rope bondage, and any other fetishist kind of sexual play you can think of... Did it all exist back in the day? Frankly, I can't imagine a flapper getting pee'd on... but that's just me :P

Adam says I have too much faith in people... hehehe What do you guys think?

Rain, Rain, Go Away!

2004-10-27T13:39:00.000-07:00

In Los Angeles, there were flood warnings by the National weather advisory all over the city. In fact, I woke up to rain splattering on my face from the wind being so strong that it blew it past the awning, through the screen of my bedroom window and onto my face, waking me up. WTF is that? I had class and I really didn't want to go, considering the weather. But I decided to go anyway. I did not expect what I saw when I got to ground level.

The streets were fully submerged in water! How the hell did the streets get flooded during my one hour nap?!? It was so flooded that the sidewalks were starting to flood too! So, I'm outside with my umbrella and I need to cross a 4-way stop to get to school... the streets are flooded... but the side I'm on doesn't look that bad... I can see places to where I can jump to keep my feet dry... So, I hop, jump, and skip my way to the middle of the street which is raised above the water. When I got into the middle of the street, there was a river between me and the other sidewalk. There were cars honking at me to "move it, or lose it". I looked up the street, then down... there was no way to get across... it was a moat... So, I couldn't really see how deep it was... It didn't look too bad, although the water was literally churning in and of itself. I swear there were eddies in there...

I jumped from my little dry spot into this fucking river and my feet and legs were soaked up to the knee... then... and get this... the water starts rushing past my legs so fast that I couldn't stabilize. It was like swimming and trying to stand at the same time... the water took me up and over and then SPLASH! My ass was in the water... fully soaked, hair, wool clothing and all! People on the other side of the street were like "Holy shit!" The current was so strong that I got pulled "downstream" a little before I got back up. I got to the other side and people were like, "OMG! Are you okay?" This was by no means a small fall. At that point, all the people who were thinking of maybe attempting the river, turned around and went back to where they came from.

I went home, totally soaked and freezing. I took a hot shower because I couldn't feel my fingers or toes anymore and just stayed home. I fucking hate the rain! And WTF is the deal with floods in So Cal? Ugh.

Holy Shit...

2004-10-26T10:27:00.000-07:00

My body is so fucking sore! I went to Kung Fu class last night. It was in West Hollywood at Plummer Park, and I'm not very familiar with that area. So, I got lost and I was almost late to class. To my surprise, there were a lot of activities being held there, like wrestling class, old people chess club, tennis league, and of course, the Northern Shaolim Kung Fu class. Anyway, I eventually found the location of the class after being an ass and asking people dressed in all black if they were part of the Kung Fu class... Then, I went into the wrestling club and they tried to recruit me for a 10-minute jog around the mats - no thank you. So, eventually, I found my way to this outdoor asphalt "arena" where a bunch of people were dressed in all black doing stretches.

I joined in on the warm-up, and as soon as I walked in, everyone stopped what they were doing and greeted me by introducing themselves and shaking hands :) So, we went through the different positions like Crane, Horse, and Cat stances (which all take incredible leg strength) and practiced Shooting Star kick, Twists (really fucking hard and confusing), and then tried to do the splits and torturous ab exercises! (One of the ab exercises consisted of laying on your back, arms outstretched to each side, and then picking up both legs, and while keeping them perfectly straight, toes pointed up, rotate your legs all the way around your body without arching or bending your back. It's called Full Moon. Holy Fuck...)

The class was really fun! I haven't sweat that much in a long time. I sweat so much that sweat was literally dripping off my hair! Gross, huh? I was so happy that another guy gave me his extra water bottle. Otherwise, I would have just died. It was hard! I learned how to block effectively, punch without hurting myself, and the opening moves of Lim Po and Iron Cage blocking. Unlike what I had previously thought, the class was not one hour: from 8-9pm... The class went from 8-10:15pm and I hear some of the advanced students stay until 11! So, it is a really great value for my money! :)

I thought it was so fun and exhilirating that I've decided to buy the full year in advance :) And even though I thought I could learn the fan all quick, I've been SO humbled... I can't do shit :P I'm so excited to go next Monday :) I slept like a baby last nite... but then woke up like a ho, sore from the previous nite... how does that work? :P hehehe

Budgeting...

2004-10-25T10:32:00.000-07:00

So, after my little saving money rant, I decided to put my own ass on a budget. Over the weekend, I reduced my landline, internet, cell phone, and electricity bills by $40 a month overall. All I had to do was make a few phone calls and inquire about their plans. Then, I budgeted my $400 a month in food and fun to $210 a month in food and entertainment - $160 a month for groceries, household purchases, and other stuff a month and $50 a month for fun and going out to eat (guess I'll just have to go out with more people who will pay for me hehe j/k)

So, I got my absolute living necessities down to $1,150 a month ($775 of that being rent... geez, I should move into another place or get a roomie :P) Now, I think I can go get that martial arts subscription :) I'll be going to my first class today @ 8pm to see if I like it :) If I pay for the whole year, I'll get 2 months free and 4 free private lessons (all valued at $440). Is it a good decision to just buy the year in advance?

I was thinking of wearing my little steel fan hanging off the side of my hip as a cute fashion accessory. And then pop it open at clubs and shit and be like, "Look, I'm asian. Tee hee." :P Then, if someone tries anything, I can be like "Waaaaaaaaa!" - the sound of an asian girl preparing to attack with her kung fu fan :P

I'm Such a Messy Ho...

2004-10-22T13:03:00.000-07:00

I swear... this apartment is NEVER clean! No matter what I do, even if I've cleaned it yesterday, it's still fucking messy. So far, I have the bathroom done... I just have to work backwards now... The kitchen is the worst... there's dishes in there that I haven't washed since before the hospital fiasco Maybe I just need to move into a smaller apartment. Then there wouldn't be as many rooms to clean hahaha :P

So, I've been debating buying cable TV... It's only $40 a month, and according to my last blog, I'd get way more than 5 hours of enjoyment out of it. But then again, I want to join Harmonious Fist Martial Arts School and that's $100 a month! It's not a truly good value, but I'd be doing something for my body and learning a kewl skill - how to whoop ass ;) I'm still torn... sit on my ass watching Friday nite line-up -OR- learn how to throw poison darts from a fan? Hmnn...

Speaking of my last blog, I need to cut down on my spending! It's out of control! I looked at my credit card statement and I'm spending like $500 a month in food and gifts and more food... Wow... talk about taking my own advice! Maybe if I cut back $100 in eating out, I can get cable or martial arts training... hmnn... Iron Chef reruns or being an extra in Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon? Hmnn...

Bad Spending Habits Revised...

2004-10-21T10:31:00.000-07:00

Whenever my friends get into debt, who do they call? Me. Why? Because I save money like it stopped printing last week. This is not to say I don't get out and enjoy my little luxuries every once in awhile, but I definitely don't overdo it... It's sad when you see your friends going out and spending money they don't have... stuff they could do themselves like hiring a maid versus cleaning up after their own shit... or taking some beauty time to do their own manicure and pedicure (besides, you would do your own manicure and pedicure BETTER than a salon because they aren't always interested in doing a quaity job but rushing you out of the chair for the next client - it's all about volume)

I always tell people, "Spend within your means." But what defines a person's means? Salary. What do you get paid per hour? How much money are you receiving for an hour of your time? To me, you should at least have as much time having fun as it took to make the money to engage in it. For example, I make $8.50 an hour at my tutoring job. If I go to a restaurant where my meal will last an hour and cost about $8.50, then it was a good deal. If I spent $8.50 and I didn't get to enjoy it for an hour, then it wasn't a good trade... I spent more time making the money to enjoy the food than the actual time I'm spending enjoying it! If I spent an hour there and the meal was $4.25, then I've doubled the value of my dollar! This is where I assign value... Obviously, the more you make per hour, the more you can reasonably justify spending on luxuries and necessities.

The second thing I always tell people is to cut corners where they can. If I went to McDonald's 3 times a day and each trip cost me $5, I would be spending $15 a day or $450 a month. If I could substitute just one of those trips by cooking at home a plate of spaghetti (around 50 cents a serving, if that), then I save $4.50 a day or $135 a month! If I cut back on 2 meals at McDonald's a day and substitute it with a spaghetti lunch (50 cents) and a taco nite ($6 for 4 servings - $1.50 a serving) then I save $8 a day! That's $240 a month! Just in savings from food! When I tell this to people, they are appalled that it can add up to so much! Even if you just opted to not super-size it, that's 40 cents x 3 times per day x 30 days = $36 a month... just for a super size! With $36, imagine 4 new books a month, or a cute new top, or some new porn haha :P

Either way, bad spending habits can be changed with a little restraint and a little logic. If we can make better financial decisions, then we can stay out of debt, keep good credit ratings, avoid interest payments, and put away a nice nest egg or savings account for that new car, that new house, that new dress, that new toolset, that new video game, that spa facial, or whatever your heart desires :)

Random Comments

2004-10-20T09:56:00.000-07:00

So, here are a some random things I wanted to bring to your attention:

Charles' blog was really funny.

I updated my website.

I think I've discovered why we have nightmares. See Little Eyes' blog.

Can you believe these Chinese weapons? Check out the description of the Bagua Iron Fan... poison needles? How "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon" is that?

Also, for any of you who are techies or don't know about this awesome site... click here.

From Mike's blog, I took this test:

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid:	High
Schizoid:	Low
Schizotypal:	Low
Antisocial:	Low
Borderline:	Low
Histrionic:	High
Narcissistic:	Moderate
Avoidant:	Moderate
Dependent:	Low
Obsessive-Compulsive:	Low
-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! --

And finally, thanks to everyone for putting up with the super lengthy malice debate... I just had to have the last word... HA! :P

Happy surfing! :D

Maliciousness: Prey or Victims?

2004-10-18T22:38:00.000-07:00

What started off as a simple rant turned into a heated discussion between Chris and Anonymous... To any of you who are interested in what the debate entails, click here.

First of all, I’d like to address the claims made about my actions... Anonymous (who will be referred to as “A” from now on) believes it is an act of malice to criticize someone w/o evidence or the chance to defend themselves. It is my opinion that malice does not exist in my actions for two very simple reasons: the evidence – hearing it from my ex himself and having it noted in an AIM transcript, and the chance to defend himself – like many of the people who know me, he also frequents this blog. If he wanted to defend his actions, he could simply comment in the comments section – I never delete comments.

In addition, I believe I have acted with the utmost respect to my ex by not identifying him (the identification was done by Chris) and not including a chat transcript in my possession that would be incriminating, yet boring to those who read my blog. Not disclosing a person’s identity is rather an act of consideracy, not malice.

Secondly, “A” believes I have forgiven my first b/f for cheating on me. This is not true. To forgive means to renounce anger or resentment against. Let me just say that I still feel much anger and resentment for what he’s done. It’s much like the relationship between an abused child and their abusive parent. You may be able to overlook what they have done, but you will never forget and therefore never give up the right to feel angry and resentful of their actions.

Having cleared my name, I shall now address the debate on malice. For the purposes of my argument, I shall show how prey and consent play into malice and address the differences between prey and victimhood in relation to malice.

“A” brings up a very good point when he/she says, “Of course you can stab a corpse, but I've never heard a steak complain.” Why would a steak not complain? Well, because it’s dead, and dead things don’t have much choice when it comes to what is being done to them. In fact, a steak is privy to any act done unto them because it doesn’t have a say in what happens. The steak could be called prey, or one who is defenseless in the case of attack, as could a toddler of an abusive parent; but in this case, a toddler is alive and has the capability to feel.

Now, the question then becomes, “Why isn’t a patient of surgery considered prey?” The answer is consent. The patient is consentual of the surgery to be performed. This nullifies their ability to be preyed upon because their basis for having a choice (unlike the steak) is consent. They consent to the procedure. What’s the difference between a stranger “stabbing” you and a doctor “stabbing” you? Consent, regardless of their intent.

Malice is defined as a desire to harm others or see others suffer. Anyone who would prey on a defenseless baby by abusing them is malicious. Similarly, mugging a helpless old woman is also malicious. Maliciousness, for the purposes of this blog, occurs when harm occurs to those who are unable to have a choice in the matter (prey), who are subject to the whim of others’ harmful intent (inability to consent).

Does the young woman who is cheated on consent to being cheated on? I would hope not. If she could be in the bedroom of her lover when he decides to cheat on her, then she is no longer defenseless in being attacked and is no longer prey because she has the ability to do something about it. So, cheating (because the person who is being cheated on is not present to give or withdraw consent) is malicious. This is why “swingers” are not prey and are not privy to defining “swinging” as malicious. Again, the difference between cheating and “swinging” is consent.

A victim, as opposed to prey, is defined as a person who suffers injury, loss, or death as a result of a voluntary undertaking. As we have defined maliciousness as harmful intent to prey without the ability to give consent, the victim cannot suffer maliciousness because they are voluntarily consensual of the consequences of their behavior. Take, for example, the drug user. There is a high chance that they will overdose, contract an STD, or permanently damage themselves due to drug usage. In this case, they are victims of any such consequences. They are inflicting this risky behavior on themselves – personal consent. This is the same with drinking, gambling, and “swinging”.

Taking a recent example in my life to juxtapose this, I was overdosed on date rape drugs at a club. Because of this, I was in the hospital. I did not take the drugs knowingly and therefore had no consent of doing so. I would be defined as prey and the act of drugging me, malicious. If I had taken the drugs knowingly (consent) and gone to the hospital, I would be a victim of my own risky, yet voluntary, behavior. The only maliciousness that would exist would be self-inflicted.

Going back to the girl who is cheated on... It is not the girl’s fault the first time she is cheated on in a relationship. She is considered prey that hasn’t given consent for such an act. After finding out she has been cheated on, it is her decision to stay with the unfaithful party or not. If she does stay, she is necessarily consenting to a risky situation. Much like the example of drugs, she now knows there are consequences to the risky behavior/situation. Therefore, if her partner cheats again, she is no longer prey and without consent. She has voluntarily and knowingly put herself in a situation that bears consequences. This is why people say, “Cheats once? Shame on them. Cheats twice? Shame on you.”

To counter “A’s” argument that cheaters are just as bad as flakes, as bad as liars, etc... I say, “Flakes once? Shame on them. Flakes twice? Shame on you.”

Favorites

2004-10-18T10:35:00.000-07:00

I shamelessly stole this idea off of Adam's Blog...
My Favorite-
Book: Memoirs of a Geisha by Arthur Golden
Color: Blue
Fruit: Mango
Band(s): I'm not really into most bands... I do like DJs like Paul van Dyke and Paul Oakenfold ;)
Food: Sushi, Chicken fried steak with mashed potatoes and country gravy mmmmmmmmmm :)
Movie: Tous les Matins du Monde
Actress: Susan Sarandon - Check out "Lorenzo's Oil"
Actor: I think guys suck at acting... but if I had to pick... Jack Nicholson
Holiday: Thanksgiving... mmmmmm food! ...and then sleep hehe
Slushy Flavor: Strawberry Kiwi
Dessert: Raspberry Cheesecake
Blade: Bladed Tessen
Gun: I don't own a gun... but if I did own one, it'd be a shotgun that could kill an alligator :P
Quote: "Live loving life - love living life - no regrets"
Historical Figure: Do I really care? OK, Plato :)

Juxtaposing the third world marriage and the marriage of today

2004-10-15T13:24:00.000-07:00

In peasant societies that are isolated from the rest of civilization, certain roles are naturally taken on by both men and women in the monogamous relationship. The man goes out and hunts an animal and brings it back to his wife. It is the wife's job to proceed to then make things out of the animal, like clothes, food, and tools. So, to turn this into a formula of sorts, the man brings in the resources, then the woman turns those resources into kewl shit ;)

Now, in the isolated civilization, there exists a desire to procreate for reasons of raising children to take care of elderly parents in old age. So, the women is also inclined to stay home and raise children while the man goes out to hunt for animals to bring home.

Today, many things have changed. People no longer have to worry about being taken care of in old age due to retirement savings and social security checks. Women now feel a need to be a vital part of the workplace. Additionally, women's rights are becoming increasingly equal to the rights of men.

The marriage of today offers women many more options than their third world counterparts. Today, women practice the choice of whether or not to have children. Today, women can bring in as much money from their career as men do. So, why, if conditions are better today than the third world, is there such a high divorce rate?

We live in a society where the "resource" we go out and "hunt" is called cold, hard cash. This can be traded for clothing, food, and tools - all the things the wife in the third world couple was responsible for. This fact that women's jobs as wives has become virtually obsolete coupled with the option to not raise children puts women in a very tricky situation.

Women today are caught between wanting to be taken care of by their husband and protectorate and wanting to feel independent of a life as just a wife of a man. Some women expect to be taken care of but do not want to fulfill the traditional role of siting at home to help stretch the dollar. Instead, women have turned to doing absolutely nothing worthwhile; they are not raising children, and they are not working jobs.

Because women are now not taking care of the couple's retirement (in the form of children) and they are more apt to spend money versus help stretching the abilities of the resources that is brought in by the man, divorce is much more imminent than that of the third world couple.

P.S. This has only dealt with the lazy wife and doesn't commend the good deeds of wives who work, the bad deeds of men who don't work and don't raise kids, nor the myriad reasons a divorce could also ensue. Thanks for reading :)

Ugh... ex b/fs are soooooo not worth the trouble

2004-10-14T15:02:00.000-07:00

Yuck... it's so not worth trying to stay friends with your ex's... it's like... "hey... it didn't work out for a reason... so, just let it go..." I have this thing where I feel that I have to be friends with my ex's. Maybe I feel like the whole relationship wasn't a total waste of my time if we can still be friends... but there is such thing as a bad person and I have to acknowledge that.

I think of all my ex's... my first is the absolute worst... I thought he changed... like he was a better person now... but he's still a waste of time... You know, I'm a really nice person... Even if I've been wronged, I'll make it a point to be there for people I've once cared for... I had this theory that if you really cared about someone that a piece of you will always love that person... FUCK THAT... I'm throwing that piece of me away then...

I HATE how he cheated on me and now I hear about how he's cheating on the next girl... things don't change... a person's capacity for maliciousness doesn't change... that's one thing I've realized about life... people may put up a front... change their actions for awhile... but inside, they're still capable of doing all the damage they've done in the past... it's so fucked up... why can't people just be good? Why can't bad people stop messing up the lives of people who don't deserve it?

The weather

2004-10-13T14:17:00.000-07:00

Yesterday morning, I woke up to a thunderstorm! When I actually decided to get out of bed, there was only sun to be seen. The weather has been weird lately. Last night, it was so windy that you couldn't go outside without getting hit by soda cans in the street. It's all kinda trippy... especially since you rarely see weather like this in So Cal. What worries me more is the fact that the weather changes sharply and suddenly.

I'm doing really well in my classes this semester. I picked up my bio test today and I got a 90% which is surprising since I totally suck at science. I have an 86.5% in my Anthro class and I'll pick up my Psych test next week :) Not bad for an all upper division load ;)

I took up Mike K's suggestion of composing and have been composing string quartets in my spare time. It's really fun and I get a chance to use some of the knowledge I've gained in college :) I still want to pick up Tessenjutsu again (iron fan martial arts - think Kitana from Mortal Kombat). And Adam, let's see who's gonna ass-whoop who? ;)

Chris and his family are going through a tough time right now and I'm really worrited about them. I couldn't sleep last night. I wish there was something I could do, but it doesn't seem plausible with my school and work schedule. I hope everything will be ok with them. I don't know what I'd do without them...

People are so interesting

2004-10-12T11:20:00.000-07:00

I am always amazed at how interesting other people really are... I was looking at Adam's blog today, and I was thinking, "How kewl is that to have such a unique hobby!" I want a hobby... and even though I'm a musician, no, it's not music... Music is simply a way for me to make money... not any kind of great passion, to be honest.

Sad, though... I'm a music major in college even though I should really be an english major or psych major... but by the time I decided I should be an english or psych major, I'd completed so many units towars the music major degree that I was like, "Eh, what the hell? I'll just finish it." Maybe I can get my masters degree in english or psych... how kewl would that be?

But I still need a hobby... I've always wanted to learn to sew and make stuff like arts and crafts... but I can't imagine being any good at that... and I can't imagine sucking at my hobby and still liking it. I've always told Chris that when I retire, I just want to play viola da gamba on my porch all day long. Until then, I guess I'll just be bored...

My mom got married!

2004-10-11T14:22:00.000-07:00

...and my sisters and I all wore black to the wedding... is that supposed to be bad luck? Who cares? We looked good ;) Anyway, the kind of ironic part of the whole thing is that my Vietnamese mother married the world's second longest held POW in the Vietnam War... Does anyone but me think that's sort of weird? I'm just waiting for the night when she wakes him up from a bad dream and he punches her while screaming "Charlie!"

Anyway, I'm really happy for her :) Lew is a good man and will take care of her and treat her the way she deserves to be treated... plus she has someone to be weird with :P She's always sticking her tongue out at people for fun hehe I took a picture of her doing that once with my cell phone... so everytime she'd call... there she'd be, sticking her tongue out, head cocked to one side, with the word "Accept?" across her face... it sort of made you wonder :P

Well, here's to many years of happiness for Mr. and Mrs. Lew Meyer! It's so weird that the Nguyen girls are down to 3 now... I wonder which one of us will be the next to bite the dust? :P

Grrr!

2004-10-07T15:28:00.000-07:00

I finally figured out why I am so slow... I must have lost tons of brain cells when I got drugged! Grrr... now I'm really mad! >=(

Night Terrors, Part 2

2004-10-07T10:52:00.000-07:00

So, I had another nightmare last night... This time, it was evening and I was wearing a fancy dress. I remember walking to my car which was parked in front of a 7-11 and finding my open purse in a tin trash can right beside the driver's side door. I picked it out of the trash can and looked inside for my keys and money. The keys were there, but the money was missing. Then, out of the corner of my eye, a hobo starts walking towards me, smiling. I start to walk backward and away from him, keeping my eye on him. He then starts running at me with the intent to harm me. So, I ran away from him, fearing for my life. The whole time, I wanted to run into the 7-11, a safe haven, but feared there would be more hobos in the 7-11 who wanted to hurt me... then I woke up.

I think these dreams mean something... Both engendered a feeling of total helplessness... like I couldn't protect myself or I couldn't do anything about the situation to make it better or resolve it. Both the hobo and the witch threatened my life... the very thing that I couldn't do without... much like sanity.

Yesterday, I got a bill for my hospital stay - $14,000. I'm a student, and I don't have that kind of money. Neither does my family... and it's stressing us all out. I feel completely helpess to do anything about this situation. Like I was victimized and there is nothing to say or do to make things better.

I'm really depressed right now because of the hospital bill thing :( But it's kinda interesting that my dreams have pointed out that I feel helpess and how I've been attacked... interesting how dreams work...

I love soymilk!

2004-10-06T11:45:00.000-07:00

It is so delicious and nutritious! When I was little, I used to hate all asian food (even though I was forced to eat it all the time) I remember hating it so much that I would ask to leave the table to go poo, and I would take my plate of food with me saying that I would eat while on the pot... Well, I'd get in the bathroom and then flush it down the toilet! Then I'd come back with an empty plate and be like, "mmmm, all done!" I did this all the time with liver and onions (yuck!) There can't be any dish worse than liver and onions... I don't understand why it's so popular...

Anyway, I remember driving in the car with my mom and she'd make me suck on dried squid shreds... which, interestingly enough, wasn't that bad... it had this salty, "from the sea" taste hehe I remember hating coconut milk with the coconut flesh inside the cup... I remember my mom would freeze that shit and take it with her like a frozen Capri-Sun or something... I never understood how my parents could eat asian food... there is this one Vietnamese sauce that smells like ass... like it permeates the whole room! And my parents would just sit there and dip shit in it like it was so tasty... I always knew when they made that sauce... it smelled like rotting chickens... blegh!

The funny thing is that I LOVE asian food now (the food of my people hehe) I could live and die just eating Korean BBQ or sushi or pho or pad thai... just the thought of lumpia, dim sum, or Mongolian fire meat makes my mouth water! I used to think of the asian grocery store as the "ghetto store"... all that fish laying out in the open... but good lord do they have a variety of foods you'd never find in any other store! When you think of it, there are like 30 kinds of seafood on ice at all times! Mmmm... I just had some gyozas and some soymilk... life is good ;)

I... am... so... slow...

2004-10-06T11:02:00.000-07:00

I feel so brain-dead! It's my first day back at work tutoring kids, and I just didn't know what to say to my first client! I feel like I lost brain cells at the hospital... The same thing happened my first day back to class since the hospital... I was sitting in bio and the prof was just going so fast! Usually, I can totally keep up with the fast pace of any class you throw at me... but this seemed like forever! It was like he was cruising at lightspeed and I was moseying up a hilly plateau! I just feel so dumb and out of it... it's depressing... Anyway, I thought I'd just complain for a little bit...

I was reading Nina's post about the Boys of Summer and I got to thinking about the words "boy" and "man"... The word "boy" denotes frisky, playful, sensual romps in discovering bodies and sex. The word "man" denotes seriousness and an austere nature. For instance, "bad boy" sounds kinda naughty and playfully teasing... "bad man" sounds like a rapist or misfit of society... sexual vs scary...

I personally like the word "boy"... I think it's cute and sexy... Kinda like "boyfriend" versus "manfriend" haha... I'd rather have Boys of Summer than Men of Summer and Naughty Boys than Naughty Men... am I alone in this?

Freakin' Hilarious!

2004-10-05T21:40:00.000-07:00

Does this remind you of anything?

Night Terrors

2004-10-05T13:07:00.000-07:00

How often do people wake up from their sleep because of a bad dream? 4... maybe 5 times a year? Well, I haven't had a bad dream like this in a long time. And I was seriously so scared that I thought it was real for like an hour, even though I knew it couldn't be real... I could not get myself back to sleep and I kept looking around my room all paranoid... Geez... you'd think I'd be able to just shrug it off, but nightmares really bring out the little girl in me.

This one involved a group of friends and some family breaking into an old witch's house and stealing something (or maybe we were just touching the magical artifacts). Anyway, this witch knew we were messing around with her stuff so she starts screaming from the second floor of her house. So, we all run out and across the street to the garage of one of her neighbors and pretended like nothing happened. Well, I'm standing around with some friends and we're talking when I see the witch approach us with a giant machete/sword. I'm so scared that I can't talk, move, or even point. My friends are all asking me what's wrong and by the time they realize the witch is behind them, there are 4 heads rolling around on the floor with 4 decapitated bodies.

OK, keep in mind there are like 20 people who broke into her house... so, at this point, everyone is running around and screaming. Now, here's the scary part... she doesn't even have to swing the blade... all she has to do to kill you and make you bleed everywhere is reflect some light off her blade and shine it on you! So, people are getting slaughtered... my family, my b/f... everyone... and I'm hiding under the car in the neighbor's garage and I can see her feet from under the car walking around it like she knows I'm there... like she can smell me... and I can see her blade too... and I'm just praying that it doesn't catch some light and slaughter me underneath the car.

There is one other person hiding with me under the car... and after awhile, we think she's left and gone back home... so this guy slips out from under the car only to discover that she's been waiting there to kill him... and I just see his body fall to the floor... blood spraying everywhere... and his decapitated head rolls under the car and hits me in the face... and I wanna scream... but I can't because the witch is out there... and then I woke up so scared...

I believe dreams do mean something... but I'm not sure I want to know what this one means... Seriously, what could be the deeper meaning behind my loved ones all getting decapitated and me just waiting to die?

X-men Legends Weekend

2004-10-04T08:54:00.000-07:00

Because I'm still recovering, I decided to stay in this weekend and just take it easy. Well, what better way to take it easy than to play video games all day? And that's exactly what Chris and I did - starting at 9am and going into the wee hours of the night :P The only breaks we took were for food, the bathroom, and sleep.

If any of you were interested in X-men Legends, it's a freaking hard game! Buy it for your kid or husband if you want to keep them busy for a good couple weeks ;) Seriously, I'm a veteran game player, and it took us a nonstop weekend to finish it. Definitely a good buy for the amount of playing time you'll get out of it, and it has a kewl versus feature that features all the X-men available ;)

Here's a funny thing... boys are so serious about their video games! Chris snapped at me a few times for letting Iceman fall to his death or some other Iceman related catastrophe. He really loves that Iceman :P Of course when Storm died, I pouted until we reloaded from the last save point :P We came to the concensus that whenever one of our fave characters would die, we would just reload... simple as that ;)

You really get a sense of how your relationship works when you're playing a 2-player game. One person wants to go this way... the other person wants to go that way... and you have to compromise or you won't get anywhere... You also really get a sense of your own personality and what you really think of the other person. The one thing I said a lot this weekend was "God, you're so slow! Just let me pick you up and fly you around! I'm faster" hehe

Grammar Nazi

2004-09-30T13:59:00.000-07:00

Shit... I just said "give head well" instead of "give good head"... See what tutoring english has done to me!!! LOL :P Like that's gonna fly in the bedroom... hehe

I'm back

2004-09-30T09:21:00.000-07:00

I'm sitting here typing to you from Sunny San Diego today :) As you may know, I've been hospitalized and am at home with family recovering right now. I'd just like to say thank you for all of you who sent your thoughts and best wishes my way - they were greatly appreciated! :D Being in the hospital gives you a lot to think about...

Firstly, whoever said television rots the brain was wrong... I've learned so much from watching gobs of TV this past week! I've learned how to decorate, cook, other house-wifey things, etc... ok... so maybe the Japanese game shows weren't very educational... but everything else was, I swear! ;)

Second, I think it's really scary that someone who's 21 y/o - someone who's supposedly at the peak of health - can just die like that. I stand by the fact that I almost died. Thank God for my sisters. Otherwise, I might not be well enough to be typing right now. It gets me feeling like people should enjoy more now and worry less. I mean, I'm a money hoarder... but what's the point of saving for the future when 1) you're not enjoying the present and 2) you may not even get to see your future? So, go out on a limb today and treat yourself to a special snack and hug someone you care about... snacks are yummy and hugs are free :)

Lastly, I totally can't believe what happened to me... a guy drugged my drink and because of it, I almost died. Seriously, that is so lame! A guy who drugs drinks to get laid has got to be one desperate bastard. I'm so angry at the guy who did it to me :( It infuriates me that people just hurt others to get what they want - would everyone just stop fucking being malicious??? If you have a choice between buying a daterape drug and buying a prostitute, buy the prostitute... they're guaranteed to be more lively ;)

Quyen was Hospitalized - ill now

2004-09-27T17:32:00.000-07:00

For everyone wondering where Quyen's been the past few days, or how come she hasn't been blogging lately, especially given the blog was beginning to gather a momentum all its own, I have some news. You may want to prepare yourself for this. Last Friday, Quyen traveled to San Diego to celebrate her older sister's birthday, the middle child, although the birthday was technically on Thursday. Jenni, the sister in question, Newton - Jenni's boyfriend, Michelle, Quyen's oldest sister, and some friends of theirs went out to eat at a nice restaurant - $300 bill, and then decided to hit a club. Unfortunately, Quyen consumed a Long Island Iced Tea at the restaurant, and had herself another drink at a club later that night - not much for the average person. However, the alcohol thinned Quyen's blood. Also, Newton, Jenni, and Michelle suspect that someone drugged their drinks at the club because they all reported a strange taste, and feeling funny. The drugs gave Quyen a 102.7 fever that night. After hitting the club, everyone went home to Quyen's mommy's house and talked the night away. At around 4:00 am, Newton and Jenni heard Quyen having trouble breathing. She was gasping in pain each time she took a breath. Her breathing got to be so bad, that her family rushed her to the hospital that night. Sometime between gasping for air and being admitted to the hospital, Quyen began coughing up large amounts of blood up. At the hospital, she was admitted into a plastic room, like in Outbreak and other hazardous disease movies and with the doctors walking around in suits. Since then, she was moved to another room, where still doctors and family were advised to wear protection lest they get ill themselves. Yesterday, she was finally taken off life-support only to stop breathing several minutes later - she was placed right back on the life support. The doctors have been running tests since Saturday morning, and finally today ruled that Quyen's lungs have been bleeding and that's why she's coughing up blood. They also have a theory that Quyen became extraordinarily sick because the combination of thinned blood and drugged drinks makes the body extremeley susceptible to opportunistic infection. The effect was worse though because she has been fighting off a form of pneumonia that doctors are guessing has been with her for about three to four years now. When Quyen's immune defenses went down, the pneumonia attacked with a vengeance. At the moment, she is at home with her family. She is by no means doing 'well' but without health insurance she could not afford to continue staying at the hospital much longer. Her two-day costs are around $8,000 now. Presently, she can't do much more than walk on a level floor, and has the hardest of times even opening a juice drink. Her breathing is very labored. For those of you who've watched Star Wars - she sounds a bit like Darth Vader. Breathing is extra-difficult for her because, to begin with, one of her lungs has already been wasted away by another disease a few years back, and the other, to a lesser degree, was also damaged. To give you an idea of how ill she is: if she forgets to take a pill, death may happen, if she takes a shower the wrong way or without assistance - death again. Stress, like with any illness, also makes things worse. I thought I'd write this blog to diminish her stress about how her blog community is doing, and to let you in on what's happening in the event that she's someone special to you. If you'd like to, I'm sure she'd more than appreciate you sending your best wishes and thoughts in the comments section.

- her boyfriend

School and After-School Snacks

2004-09-23T23:16:00.000-07:00

First off, I got my first A ever in my ANTH 315 class! I couldn't believe that I actually scored higher than the C+ and B- grades I've been getting so far on these stupid essays! I guess changing your writing style to get the grade you want really DOES work! :) The funny thing was that I wrote that paper in like 2 hours... much like today when I wrote this week's paper 3 hours before class!

When I get stressed out, I eat... a lot... but at least I'm trying to surround myself with healthy snacking alternatives... like fruit in a cup and applesauce and V8 Splash and stuff like that :) I'm trying not to load up on empty calories these days... what with the 20 extra lbs. and all :P

I picked up a super kewl snack food @ Walmart the other day... individually sized bags of popcorn! I couldn't believe it! I was so excited that they came in all sorts of flavors! I got kettle corn since that's my fave :) The size is just perfect for dinner and movie for one or to share with a friend (make sure your friend is not greedy) :P The bag has room enough for just one hand and it's super portable! I really like this whole portion control popcorn bag idea... I'm putting this one right up there with my spin brush ;)

Adding Links

2004-09-23T15:47:00.000-07:00

So, I've been trying to figure out how to add links of other people's blogs, but I have been woefully unsuccessful :( I use www.blogger.com (aka blogspot) Does anyone know how to add links to the HTML code and WHERE in the code I should add it? Hmnn... maybe I'll try later tonite... excuse me if my blog starts looking all fucked up... your regularly scheduled program shall return shortly :)

Beauty Rant

2004-09-22T01:23:00.000-07:00

Today, I went to Walmart to pick up a new toothbrush. I got to the oral hygeine aisle and was going to go for one of the normal brushes when those new-fangled "spin brushes" caught my eye. My sister had one in her shower when I went to visit for the weekend, and I've always been curious about them. They have always reminded me of those electric lollipop spinners - made for kids too lazy to lick their lollipops. I proceeded to spend the next 15 minutes taking up their offer to "try me!" with all of the brushes and wasting their batteries hehe I eventually decided to buy one - the Crest "pro-whitening" spin brush in metallic pink. To match, I bought a tube of Crest's "Vivid White" in refreshing mint - a new whitening toothpaste.

I got home and decided to brush my teeth. I was so excited when the white and clear toothpaste was being spread onto the double motorized brush heads. I put it into my mouth and it was just really firm. I thought, "Geez, there's no way this is cleaning my teeth!" It felt like it was barely rubbing itself over the surface and not between the teeth at all! Because of its giant head, it was hard to get to my back teeth, but I managed. When I got done and rinsed, I ran my tongue over my teeth. Oh mi gawd! They felt so clean! And the taste! It was like I just got a fluoride treatment from my dentist! I couldn't believe it! It was amazing! I LOVE my new spin brush :) Buy one today! ;)

On another note, I was trying to grow out my brows to make them more full (Asians have a problem with growing enough eyebrow hair) So, I let them grow out for about 3 months, trimming and plucking as little as possible. Pretty soon, I had tons of eyebrow hair! But then, people started telling me my eyebrows were too heavy and that I should thin them out. So... after I had my toothbrush epiphany, I obliterated my eyebrows. Tweezing and plucking... till the next thing you knew, they were practically where they started 3 months ago! Pshhh... I've always looked better with more dramatic brows anyway... :P But ya know what? I don't regret it. I like thinner brows - they make me look lots more happy and way less angry, and that's always a good thing ;)